New Year

Happy New year to you all blog family!

What time is it?

Time for reflection, 

time to move forward, 

not backward, 

time to heal old wounds 

time t recover from the storms losses. 

Time, 

Time,

 Your time to shine

Make a plan,

 write it down, 

breath it,

live it!

* be blessed for the new year and let no one bring you down, stay focused, positive and alert to all things good!

by:  xo Tanya

Soul II Soul - Keep On Movin'

RIP nell...this song has always been my inspiration...

Back To Life - Soul II Soul

Amel Larrieux - For Real

if u never been in love, listen and you will feel what it could be like....

Sade - When Am I Going To Make A Living

this song always inspires me. Music is a great healer and can be used to inspire you. I met Sade back in the 80's, all her music is meaningful...happy new year!

mariah carey - Fly Like A Bird - The Emancipation Of Mimi

Aretha Franklin - Bridge Over Troubled Water

Ramen Noodles May Lead to Chronic Illness | Food & Drink | Lifestyle | Mainstreet

Ramen Noodles May Lead to Chronic Illness | Food & Drink | Lifestyle | Mainstreet

when in foster care you may not be eating the "best" food and when you leave you donot know how to make the right choices. My brother died of heart disease at 41, so i share anything with you that will heal you physically or mentally.. stay blessed for the new year. Remember, you can always start over if you have your health, but you cant do anything if your dead!! xo Tanya

How to follow through / persist with your Goals? - Tony Robbins [part 1]

happy holiday..listen and learn...xo

.::ERIC ROBERSON Presents::.: VIDEO PREMIERE 'SHE'

please check my friend Eric...real music happy holidays!

.::ERIC ROBERSON Presents::.: VIDEO PREMIERE 'SHE': "Here is a early Christmas present. The premier of my video for 'She' directed by Rolando Sanchez featuring Caryn Ward. I hope you enjoy i..."

holiday blue's

Hi blog family!

I have been under the weather. alot happening, including losing my job! Worried? no not I! Why?

this brings me to my lesson for the day: Yes, it is holiday time, an awful time to lay someone off, but you know what I decided? You can never stop another from being what they truley are. If you lose your job during a holiday, don't worry, it was not meant for you! No crying, sulking, thank the universe for getting you away from misery.
So often we try to hold onto jobs we hate--and know we should not be in BECAUSE that was not our calling...but we stay because: "it's all I can find"
close to home,
convienent
safe,
comfort

STOP STAYING where your not wanted or appreciated--including in relationships with friends or lovers!!!
This is the new year, time to clean out old messes we made, you woke today, surely you can start over!
consider this time of year an adventure. If you want to find gold you must figure out where your going, how you will get there and what tools or people you will need.
Don't be sad if you have no family, go to your friends if you have none find a local church, they usually do holiday dinners. You have no reason, if you are alive with health (reasonable health), not to be going after your dream and following your heart. Life is short and when you die what will be your legacy?? You had a million dollars, you traveled the world or you helped save or change a life with your gift....I will take the last, thank you and happy holiday Tanya

Christmas Food Court Flash Mob, Hallelujah Chorus - Must See!

better day

what you plan today will help
the
next day be better
brighter
what you put off today
will postpone your future greatness
keep it from shinning bright
from you being an asset to this world...

If you are sitting doing nothing, nothing will happen
If you are sitting and doing, something will get done!

Tanya

What is true happiness? The Dali Lama says...

Hi blog family!


I was enjoying the rain today, as the earth needs to be cleansed every now and again. I am always on a quest for inner peace, love, happiness and how to help others without any purpose, reason or gain. I know just my being happy doing it is a gain, so I wonder can I truley help others without "wanting" anything? While I was reading I came upon this, written by the Dali Lama on his site...these are NOT my words, but as I search and find answers, I will share them with you. We must find our divine purpose and help each other any way we can. So I ask: What is true happiness?


True happiness comes from having a sense of inner peace and contentment, 
which in turn must be achieved by cultivating altruism,
 love and compassion,
 and by eliminating anger, 
selfishness
 and greed. 


- Dali Lama

U2 - Sunday Bloody Sunday

The search is on for foster families

Really, a search?
 Why do we try to save money and end up spending more later?
There use to be a time when it was more lucrative for foster kids to be in group homes (remember when all the dark skin kids stayed because no one would pick us--we thought it was our age...and now we know it was our color.and money to keep us longer..(not many will admit this read "WILDER"case.  but it was the agency's then only placed you according to religion..if you were catholic, prodestent or jewish-you was placed with better agency's....(or so we thought until you read some foster care books written by all races...so much for the "take care of your own theory...
It is a differenct system now but it is still running on old beliefs and values" let's get the kids out of their "unsafe" enviornement and put them in a camp like enviornment, (hello..what "camp" has ever worked for healing souls...only summer camp and that was refuge from all your brothers and sisters....) meeting all of their needs... if the city paid more and did better screenings, ( I hear alot of people who have foster kids--that are criminals and abusive .
they would find alot of homes BUT just because you take a kid does not mean your a good parent...even if you have one....what will be the determining factor is how much resources will you put into this child having a future so bright, they cannot find room for the  word failure in their vocabualry? No one is thinking...I have many solutions...but they are busy asking people who were never in foster care, did not know they was in foster care--until after the fact, or people that never heard of foster care and want to "do a good deed"! WRONG! when you want real solutions on how to fix foster care they should come to us--we lived it, especially those who grew up in care 5-21 and different enviornments, foster and group homes... 
I am not babbling, I am saying if we want our kids to age out successfully we must invest in them mentally, and physically and financiallly..by making sure WHEREVER they are placed, there is love, caring people, contacts, therapy with a modern approach, and understanding that it takes work to heal from abandonment. not money... or just any foster family....
You are blessed and a blessing Tanya

feeing down?

Soc Le Cour (this is the top of Paris, once you climb those stairs and look down you feel like you are on top of the world--YOU ARE--everyday if you believe it!!!
hi blog family!!!
I know the holidays are among us and this is a hard time for anyone without family OR anyone who did not get the holiday love and peace they deserved as a child. THis is a time where many take their own lives or may do more drugs or high risk behavior things.
I write to you today to encourage you to stay strong and know that YOU have divine purpose!! Yes, I say it often but i say it in truth. How do I know?
 How could you be so divine with so many problems to face in this life?? YOU are human and we are all here on this earth to experience ALL elements of this earth, love, joy, pain, excitement, family, whatever--each of us have our own map to follow.
For you NOT to be depressed, you have to erase the word from your vocabulary...use another like..i am feeling so challenged today.
 Don't allow negative words or people in your life...even if it means being alone until you find new friends, mates or family substitutes!! Life is hard but don't take it personal--we all go through something at sometime!!! The universe does not pick on one person, it has lessons, great, ugly and bad for ALL of us!! How you work through them or learn from them is the divine part, this will tell you how much charector you have! You must always believe that feeling down is only temporary--even slaves and those in the holocaust found  a second to laugh or smile at something...don't dwell on what you cannot change and if you can change it--get to work!!! You are needed: someone would not be here without you! Someone would die, cry or kill without you in their lives, you do matter most-don't forget it and spread love to someone today, call a friend that comforts you. When all else fails and you have no one look to the sky and tell the universe "thanks for my life, no matter where i am at" because i have life, i can always get more, do more and be more...xo Tanya

I thank the universe for you, because you are reading my blog which means I am doing something right...smile, we all love you and know you are important to the universe!!

http://myemail.constantcontact.com/Complimentary-Comedy-Workshop-Dec--11th-at-Comix-.html?soid=1103254901438&aid=aCnH9z2n4wk

http://myemail.constantcontact.com/Complimentary-Comedy-Workshop-Dec--11th-at-Comix-.html?soid=1103254901438&aid=aCnH9z2n4wk

hi blog family!

So i know this is out of blog way but....do you know how valuable laughter is in your life? think your funny or want to be the next Dave Chapell, Jay leno, Dave letterman? mention my name and you get a FREE class at the comedy school!! Former foster kids tend to have the best humor and it is often hidden. I know it sounds crazy but if you ever wanted to be a comedian, here is your chance to take a free class in NYC and see if its for you! come on I know you got the funny!!!

smile, someone is watching you and you are a blessing to this world!!xo Tanya

How not to depend on social services..

Hi blog family! I hope your thanks give ing was good! I spent mine giving and then eating! Teach your children to give back BEFORE they celebrate turkey day and xmas...take then out to give food or clothes to the homelss. They need to see and feel why they should be thankful...

On another note: I know usually after leaving foster care many will end up needing section 8 or DSS (welfare).
I want to challenge you.
If you are on welfare.....be working toward a goal to become independent of it!
I don't think it will be here forever but you should utilize it IF you NEED it and cannot find a job but know that you still need to keep looking and thinking of ways to get income so that you won't need it!

Often we get caught in a traditional cycle--(grandma was on public assistance,mom, so i will too)... there are times when fate happens...an accident that put you out of work, sudden death of spouse, family financial tragedy)..when you will have to go to get help with heat, (heap), food, or medical--that is ok, but if you are expecting it because you aged out of foster care....that is not the mentality you want.
why?
because if you think you "deserve" it "forever" then you will always be dependent on it-forever!
Start thinking of it as a temparary solution only and think of ways to get off....
start making jewelry,
teach your  language to college kids or foreigners,
 babysit...
clean houses/apts (all you need to start is cleaning supply's and references)
you know how to hussle if you grew up in foster care! and I don't mean selling illegal things...i mean hussle like "creative  new income" for yourself that is legit.
 If you speak any language well, you can teach english...put an add up at a local college...if you make earrings, bring them to all the hair salons you know...craft fairs...you can always make money--IF you have something people need or want!! Use your brain power--people who grew up in foster care have extra--that's how we survived!! look at the show shark tank....these are people figuring out how to generate extra income or create a career for themselves--being their own boss. You can do it--anything you put your mind to it but you have to start thinking out of the box!!
smile someone is watching you!!
xo Tanya

Movie on 2010-07-20 at 11.06.mov

thanks giving

Hi blog family!

Today is a time to reflect on when the pilgrams tricked the Indians....lol...Just kidding... :) gotta have humor!!!

This is a time to reflect.
I know we have been taught to celebrate but what are you celebrating? life? giving? love? the chance to help others?

I believe every thanksgiving should start with early morning cooking,
20 plates prepared and taken to an area you know homeless people would be today,
and then....
come back home and have a feast of thanks!
--thanks that you were spared another year,
 thanks that you had food for you AND for others,
thanks that you have and give love to others,
 thanks that you can help others,
this is what thanksgiving should be about,
teaching our young to go out and help others first--
perhaps give away that coat you never wear,
perhaps bring a scarf and old light worn pair of sneakers..
something to show the universe that you are thankful and a person of change.
If you give of yourself, it lessens your worrys AND the universe always rewards those that give by brining more peace and love into your life, Happy thanksgiving please reach out and help someone today...even invite someone with no family over, and then eat!!!

Tanya

black Male in trouble???

I hope you are having a great weekend!!foster parents: pass on to your son's please...

I love all of my blog family but just like a mother has to give some of her kids extra hugs-- because one may need it more than others--i am sending a special message because it is needed--like a mother-i have nofavorites--i just do what i have to do to mentally build my child up to greatness!!:)

* with that said: special note To all my minority males!!!*
I read an article on NILA website talking about the condition of young black males-that they are in a bad way basically.
I want to tell you...stop letting ANYONe or any MEDIA put bad ideologies  in your head!! You are not in a crises physically it's mentally!! why? because we have allowed the media to judge us, tell us what is or is not good for us and what we do--we forgot- you are it.

Make no mistake there is no "problem with the black male eccept--he is allowing everyone to define him but himself! If you are a black male reading please know that your history says you were king. News flash...YOU STILL ARE KING!!"
 all men are created equal"
you have been told lies that: "most" of you rob, quit school, in jail, steal, abandon family--and now the false wording that the media put on you is 'appearing' to come true because that is all they show of you!
This is why I get ticked off at the lil waynes/nicky minage or any artist that promotes blacks as funny charectors rather than a people who come from a great lineage of kings and queens--but they won't tell you that--that is why you have to do your own research!!

 All people are great but we are only told about certain cultures or religions as to keep those in the limelight and portrayed as good- don't get it twisted we are equally great--all of us!! latino, polish, black, jew muslim, christian, ALL-
Everyone has divine purpose as I always say and you are no ecception!
WHen you hear negative things in the media about black men blow it off and know they are only talking about a few not all and they definatley are not talking about you becasue you are handling your business of being number one and enjoying this life!
You are king and should laugh when anyone tells you different... keep reigning but keep doing what you have to do to take back your kingdom--especially your mental kingsom!!
go to school to be: lawyers, doctors, engineers, scientist...kings creat solutions for the universe, they cannot be self centered or small thinkers, they think out the box--don't sell on a corner or sell your soul--you are king!!

keep your heads up you are not "extinct" you are in need of a new mental attitude!! wake-up!! Tanya
and anyone else this applies to you-you must think the highest of yourself-even in foster care!!

assignment

Hi blog family!!
Your only job today is to go out into the big bold beautiful world smiling and "feeling" good! If you "feel" good good things will happen (so says the secret and me, i tried it)... how you feel determines how your day will go!
Please try feeling good today--no matter what obsticles come in your way--it workds your energy level rises and you feel like you won $1million dollars--and about to go get it---keep that feeling.....have a great day!!
xo Tanya

what is your biggest fear after foster care?

Hi blog family!
What is your biggest fear after care? HOMELESSNESS! quite often when you leave foster care you are faced with many challenges: finding an apartment or room you can afford-while making $9 and hour, food, warm clothing. There usually is no one around to help and if they are-they are probably on drugs or more concerned with there problems.
What can you do to assure you will not be homeless (or again)?Nothing is full proof BUT...
1. If you are on public assistance- get into school-now! learn something of value...health field, food, something you know will never die: keep in mind we must, die, pay taxes, get sick, eat and have clothes!! if you are enrolled in a program atleast you know 2 years from now will be better than today. You can prepare for a better future even if you have to start with your GED!! Your local community college has many programs that will get you finacial aid and sometimes you even have money left over! DOn't sit around waiting for your DSS check to get bigger--in fact it may go away one day...plan on it by planning to do something different than you been doing!! GET YOUR EDUCATION if it's free!!!
2. Put something away every check-even if it's $5 - you have to start building an emergency fund. incase your sick, out of work, need something etc.. if nothing else you can put your tax money away...atleast some. I know this may be the only time for you to buy clothes or extra things needed but think of how nice it feels to say you have $1,000 or so in the bank...:)
3. look into section 8 voucher's in your area- see if you can get on a waiting list- if you make under $40,000 with a family of 3 or 4 (check) you may qualify.. you will be paying 30% of your income instead of 80%!! big difference!! You should not have to live paycheck to paycheck (although most of us do) but find ways to get help! google section 8 voucher program in your area.
4. Search for the answers you need. learn how to advocate for yourself! No one is going to give away money-atleast not advertise it-no one will tell you there is affordable housing, food pantrys (that are better in the suburbs usually..smaller the town the better (and the higher the taxes - people tend to give nicer items and even food may at times be organic..YOU have to check around ask the church, a counselor at your kids school...there are resources out their-you just have to look.
Times seems hard right now but keep your head up and know that this too shall pass- is my favorite saying because this day will not be repeated, especially if you take action- is what i learned from this saying.. secure your future of a safe, loving home, being comfortable, free with nature, giving to others, secure your future by planning today and getting ANY help or services you need to better yourself..
have a great day and smile, someone is watching...xo Tanya

Maintaining your health

hi blog family!
my friend Ela reminded me how important staying healthy is. If you lived in group homes all of your life or with foster familys that ate a unhealthy diet, chances are  you learned there bad habits. The economy is facing challenges but you need to stay healthy so that like alot of AMericans-you won't end up broke because of a medical bill.

Here is info I am passing on: Please take your eating habits serious as heart disease, diabetes are killing us faster than any other illness!
without you-the world does not exist for someone.....think about that..your kids, your friends, that person who you saved from suicide because of your kind word, that homeless person that got a job and motivated because of your smile and look of hope  at them one morning- we are all needed to complete this cycle on earth. take care of you, without you someone will not be...xo

Avoid Personal Financial Ruin by Staying Healthy!

Most families in the U.S. are already only one bad diagnosis away from a financial catastrophe, and with the looming collapse of the US economy, many more people are at risk of abject ruin should their health fail.

To me this is yet another compelling argument to stay as healthy as you can, by following the recommendations on this site.

It is my strong belief that your body is designed to stay healthy. All you need to do is give it the raw materials like healthy unprocessed food, sleep, exercise,appropriate amounts of sunshine to optimize your vitamin D levels, love, emotional balancing and stay away from toxins and poisons and you won't need to set foot in a doctor's office or hospital, barring an accident.

Even in a healthy economy, it is wise to follow ideal health guidelines, as all the money in the world will not protect you from disease if you fail to follow these guidelines.  However, in this troubled economy, poor health has the potential to ruin you financially -- which will only make everything worse.

In addition to optimizing your health, there are many other reasons for buying local (and preferably organic) foods, including supporting the local economy, building a stronger community, and ensuring future access to healthful food.

life lessons by Regina Brett

hi blog family, this is not written by me-but I think I should share!

Written by Regina Brett, 90 years old, of the Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio .

"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most requested column I've ever written.

My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.

16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood.

38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40 If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

42. The best is yet to come...

43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

44. Yield.

45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."

getting it togeather

Hi blog family!

After years in care and running around guessing how life is sopose to go- how do you get it togeather?
You know you should: lose weight to be healthy
get a new job--because this one is not your calling
find a new mate- because this one is not the person to help you go to  the next level in your life, in fact, they are keeping you "comfortable".
take that class to get that diploma/degree
move-because the area you live in is a danger to your children...
whatever the issue, it is hard to stay focused after foster care. You spend so many years running around and just getting by-its hard to transition to "being the best and only allowing the best in our lives!

a few ideas to foster change in your life--and know this is STILL a challenge for myself as well...
1. meditate- put a visual on what you want and how to get it...the first what with deep meditation-will bring clarity.
2. don't allow negative people or responses to be in your life or vocabulary!
3. write it down-- if you can see it you can believe it!! the fancy car, new home, new mate, new life--write it down...
4. work on your gift or talent (you know what it is..people tell you you sing out of this world or you always good at helping them with your problems (counseling)--you should have an idea by 25...some know earlier but no one helped them develop or see the gift..
5. follow you instinct and don't 2nd guess yourself--go with what your inner self said-usually you won't be steered wrong.
6. act!! like Nike says: DO IT!!!

we only have one life-it is short, enjoy it and do what you were born to do-so that you will help, save or change someone elses life!!!
xo Tanya

Parents purpose

hi blog family!

I know it was hard being in care, especially if you were taken from your parents, they died or they gave you away.

I have good news for you that should help you get it! Don't carry bad emotions into adulthood, express what you need to now. Work on how to make you better now. Yesterday already happend!

YOUR PARENTS ONLY JOB SOMETIMES--IS TO GET YOU HERE!

yes, you heard me right. not all parents were meant to raise the children they birth. 

Why?

 Because the universe has many good people waiting to help you in your life journey.

 You must always remember this life is not about YOU, it's about WHAT you do to save or change a life.  What example are you setting for your kids to make their lives better and more productive?

You were born with a gift that no one else has. 

You were born to keep someone else from dying or being sad. You were born to find a cure for cancer, AIDS. You were born to have your great kids - who will rule this planet with their new innovative ideas!

You were born for a reason!

Now that you know this-live your life EVERY day thinking: what is my mission TODAY to find out what my gifts are AND how can I help save or change a life today?

Your problems always seem smaller when you are helping others. Things may be rough at times-as life bring many things our way-especially fosterkids it seems but don't take it personal, consider it a challenge or lesson to learn.When your back is against the wall- will you come out fighting or wither away because you are scared? NOT you came this far certainly nothing is worse than losing a parent or siblings to foster care! If you made it through- think of why and then why not you? not everyone is made as strong as you-that is why you are chosen!

 Life has many challenges-but you must face them with your head high and walk proud because the universe needs you and someone needs your help- who are you going to help while helping yourself become the great star that you are? Go out into the world each day shinning like a star! You have divine purpose xo Tanya

Movie on 2010-07-20 at 10.32.mov

communication

Hi blog family!

I find that when dealing with anyone for anything: COMMUNICATIONS is everything!
 If you say something and I don't understand-we have a problem 1. i will respond wrong,
2. not respond or
3. not how you wanted.
When dealing with people- you can get more from them if you effectivly say what you need or want. Speaking plane english also helps! no big words needed.
When I meet someone i don't like-which is rare- it is because i dont understand their value system or how they operate and they come across as negative or mean spirited.
So if you want to learn how to talk effectivly so that you always make friends/associates, practice how you will say it and to whom. After years in foster care adults tend to still mask what they really want to say--because they were not allowed to say it before so they never excercised their power of words. learn how to say and what to say in 15 seconds to get your point across-most people don't have an attention span after that...
talking/communicating is an art-not many of us know this or practice- i suggest everyone learn to speak more effectivly to get what you need in this life! hope something was learned from old behavior xo Tanya

voting??

hi blog family-yes, it's me! busy with getting the book out trying before xmas!
Just wanted to remind you to vote today..you have until 9pm! If you don't vote, you should because:
1. our ancestors died so that we could have the right to vote
2. Rosa Parks lead a sit in so that we could sit anywhere on a bus
3. our ancestors need to know we honor them by voting and making our voices heard when we can-for ALL people!
4. if you don't-don't complain that your town, city or area has bad schools or not enough books, you did not vote, so we got "whoever" in office...
make a difference and let your voice be heard. If you want to make voting fun find a group of friends who like the same person for office-and all of you have coffee before work and then vote at the same time!! we must use our voice and teach every kid you know how to like politics by using his or her voice!!
you are loved blessed and special, Tanya

healing from abuse

May 2010 Face of a Foster Care Graduate - Tanya Cooper

some date/info errors occured

May 2010 Face of a Foster Care Graduate - Tanya Cooper

Suicide/aging out

Hi blog family!Sorry to tell you about this story but you need to know- YOU ARE NEEDED in this world-NEVER think of hurting yourself or others. Not only do you lose your life but OTHERS may die or go without because your not here to help. Remember- WE ALL have divine purpose!!! You are loved and If you are aging out or in care and feel you want to hurt yourself call 1800 suicide or call 911...someone is waiting to talk you down because YOU ARE SPECIAL! This is why I do what i do-so that none of us who use to be in care or are in care will ever feel like hurting ourselves or others- know that you are what the world has been waiting for! If you want to be inspired and get through anything-read my book, it will be available next week, in the meantime- write me if you feel down, DON"T hurt yourself-We need you!! RIP ERWIN!!

Victim 'aged out' of system

By Dan Nakaso 

POSTED: 01:30 a.m. HST, Oct 25, 2010

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FL MORRIS / FMORRIS@STARADVERTISER.COM

Friends and co-workers of Erwin Celes gathered at Little Caesars in Wahiawa, where he worked, to remember him. From left, Elena Raymond, Kimo Negron and Aldah Cendana.

Erwin Viado Celes hanged himself last month, just six months after he "aged out" of Hawaii's foster care system, and now his friends are trying to raise enough money to pay for his funeral and burial.

Celes' suicide highlights the sudden gap that island foster children frequently fall into once they become legal adults but have no reliable support or even a bed of their own, said David Louis, executive director of the nonprofit group Heart Gallery Hawaii, which works to find resources for foster children.

Services for Erwin Viado Celes » Where: Our Lady of Perpetual Help, 91-1004 North Road, Ewa Beach » When: Visitation from 9 to 10:30 a.m. tomorrow. Mass at 11 a.m. Burial at 1:30 p.m. at Mililani Memorial Park. » To donate:Donations may be made at any Bank of Hawaii branch or to Heart Gallery Hawaii, 3554 Aliamanu St., Honolulu, HI 96818. Checks should include the phrase "For Erwin Viado Celes" in the memo line.

When he turned 18, Celes received court approval to stay in Hawaii's foster care system for another year -- until his 19th birthday on March 12, Louis said.

After leaving his foster family, Celes bounced between homes in Waianae, Mililani and Waipahu until he was found dead Sept. 7 in Hawaii Kai, said Elena Raymond, Celes' friend and co-worker.

Celes spent 14 years in foster care and "didn't talk about it a lot," Raymond said, "but he would tell us bits and pieces about being in foster homes."

Louis called Celes' suicide "a preventable tragedy."

can you make a difference?

Hi blog family! My book is done, I will let you know where to get it next week...:)

In case I never mentioned it - I do motivational speaking for kids in care and social workers/agency's/foster parents..My consulting company: Fostering Connections email me or send me a message with your info!


can you make a difference after foster care? YES!! YOU!! CAN!! (no this is not Obama) but same principle..:))
We are all here for a purpose--to experience, challenge, then motivate for action!
WHatever you went through in foster care is OK--you survived!! If you are a foster parent experiencing a child who is challenging--its OK...YOU can make it better ..(i will share more with foster parents later)
If  you are a foster parent: most of you was called to do this work because YOU have a divine purpose= to raise a future king or queen!!
It is vital that everyone is on the same page: This child's mental, physical and phychological impact is our #1 priority AND preserviing it is our duty!!!
You as a former foster child
or foster parent can mentor to a kid in care--especially group homes because they have no individual attention..
show them how to live a good life: eating/dressing correctly (including what to eat), show them new adventures, the museaum, art gallery, Paris, NY, the local lake...show them what beauty lies in this world.

 They cannot move forward until they learn to appreciate the little they do have...counselors that care, staff that bends over backward to make sure they get grants for school or a tutor, food to eat.... those little things matter, now how you can help...help them plan for their future by putting them in activity's that allow them to show their talent or skills!!!
You are an advocate and if you don't focus and set goals, they will turn out like most foster kids who leave care- 47% no diploma, some homeless, jobless, kids early...500,000 kids are in care in the US....25,000 or so a year are leaving, it takes a village to raise a child...you can make a difference by doing SOMETHING--help them get an internship, show them HOW to work, How to dress, (I have created a workshop--model behavior 101,  (since i use to be a runway model in Paris/NY)--
just for etiquette, walking/body language, talking, and behavior etc..)

to foster parents..thank you

Hi blog family!
 thanks Griffith family for all your hard work. I will be addressing foster parents this blog but I also have something more later.

What foster kids need:

1. loving willing capable, functional parent/s that have a BIG heart unconditionally
2. read as much as they can about various abuse: neglect, etc... (then you will understand how to help the child with compassion..
3. if you have kids that are not related...keep an eye on any that was sexually abused...they may act out on it..(I talk about this in my book: "Surviving Foster care & Making it work for you"..
4. know that whatever your kids went through MUST be talked about, processed and worked through, with therapy, mommy love/therapy and community help ...it takes a village to raise a child....
5. set up a trust fund and put their money that comes monthly from the state for clothes/allowance put some of that money away, especially if they are young, it is priceless to have SOME funds when you age out--I had none and I was never given my money--although I always had the best clothes and food BUT a bank account would have been nicer and more helpful.... put something away and teach them the art of saving for a rainy day...
6. teach them they are the hero of this world, the universe is waiting for them to develop so they can help others...and share whatever gifts and talents they have...
7. make sure when they leave the door is always open for a holiday--I never had anywhere to go because i was sexually abused in my foster home--I loved the family--did not want to see my abusers...it's nice to have a place to go when you have no family...
8. be CAREFRONTATIONL-- Dr. Harris Straytner coined this phrase--approach with care and concern, not anger and acsusations..love heals all--even when your parents give you away or you went through abuse--with work, a loving family, therapy,,,,anyone can heal!! (I talk more to victums in my book) I will let you know where to get it soon,
This is it for today, I hope I helped and will do more for foster parents, smile, someone is watching and check out my other blog for teens fosterkidsonly.blogspot.com/
Tanya

healing from abuse

Tyler Perry INTERVIEW - Oprah Winfrey Show - October 20 2010

what makes you special?

hi blog family:

As adults, have you ever wondered what makes you so special? think about this.
You survived foster care or something that you thought you would not make it through.
what makes you so special is the fact that YOU survived!!
my example of how everyone is special..
unfortunately, thanks to J. Steinbergh and H Nausbaum--Lisa Steinbergh is no longer here. It saddens me to think they took her life with no remorse! BUT how do I work through that pain of knowing a foster child was killed--by knowing she was special and  had divine purpose like all of us, even if it was a moment and to bring attention to foster kids being abused in NY. that may seem small but thanks to lisa, we now have a better system in place for spotting child abuse--

we have a long way to go but because of this case, some neighbor is a little more nosy,
some social worker is a little more into checking homes,
someone like you keeps your eyes open...all because of a special little girl named lisa.
We are all special and went through fostercare, abandonment, abuse or neglect for some reason--to help others stay alive!! Lisa steinbergh helped me realize why I was special and had to help others.

I ask you, what can you do today-to help others in foster care?
 If you are not a people person think of other ways you can help: be kind to kids in care, showing them a skill, mentoring, tutoring a foster kids, 
there are so many ways to help, think of how you can help..we can change the faces of kids in foster care, one kid at a time..we want them to leave feeling empowered.
WHat makes you so special--you remember how it felt to not have a family and YOU will help empower our future generation!!
I thank the creator for you, please realize why you are special-you are here to tell a story and save or change a life!! xo Tanya

Jim Rohn: How to Avoid Being Broke and Stupid

what he says may be harsh but LISTEN and LEARN, there is always a lesson for you! xo Tanya

toxic people

hi blog family!
glad you are still amongst the living...:)

my message today to you is: stay away from toxic people!
when you have done your best to help someone or befriend a person and they constantly throw you under a bus---leave the friendship.
It can only bring you up and down like a yo-yo--who wants that?
Sometimes people hold onto others thinking they "need" them...
You only need positive people that are healthy. Sometimes people appear wonderful but if you are around them long enough-you learn they are not healthy at all inside and it will show by how they treat you. Most people donot get the proper therapy to process what happend to them in childhood, ie abuse etc..) so they grow up as adults, looking for the same drama they had as a child, yelling, fighting, etc.. very crucial to process painful past issues, especially foster kids!!
 It follows you into adult hood and pops up in the way you treat people, use people, manipulate others...it will show up!!
As a foster kid, i loved being alone and enjoying me, so it is easy for me to "clean house" when friends are not acting right---learn to do inventory on your friendship stock---get rid of anyone who is not a blessing in your life and treating you with respect and desency--

a saying in the clinic world: "insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results"-
 learn to enjoy you,
do more writing, reading,
meditating,
exercising
 and more to help others, not hurt--peace and love Tanya

speaking in Maryland

Hi blog family!
I had a great time speaking with the hard truth panel for the last time today :( My book is finally Done! "Surviving Foster Care & Making it work for you!" I will get back to you on a release date!

 What a great audience of proffessionals that really came out to support youth in foster care!
I shared my story and then gave some ideas I thought could help. For those that were in care I am sure you remember the day your worker came and got you!
I remember being hungry!!
1. I suggested that they bring a piece of food when they go to confiscate a child from their home...along with a camera..to preserve their history! I never had a picture of myself as a baby or before 7...and the one picture I had....my birth cousin took and never gave it back... it would have been nice to see a photo of myself when I first came into care..
2. Be careful what we write in a child's record--it follows them for the rest of their lives....I remember when i read I was "slow"--when i first came in care!! I felt they should have considered I came from an abandonment/neglect situation....whom could I have learned from??? I did not start school until I was 7 years old....
3, Teaching kids in care to think positive, that they will be there own hero at the end of the day...by going to class, finding good support, loving self etc...and finding their gifts and talent at a young age will give them confidence...nothing like knowing you have "something" people appreciate.. your sense of value is increased..
4. hiring ex foster care alumni like us, My book, workshops I created, the blog of encouragement...kids like familiarity...we have been there, done that and now as Oprah says...the AHHHHH moments, but we share it with the kids BEFORE they age out!!

I had plenty more but we only had 20 minutes.....know that alot of people are working to change the lives of kids in foster care, thanks for listiening Maryland!! xo Tanya

"feeling Good"

"feel it"

Hi blog family,

today I want you to enjoy your Sat off..feeling happy and excited to be in this world..because YOU are needed~~ ONly think positive thoughts today and good things will come your way....stay positive and avoid negative energy suckers today....you are about the positive and FEELING good...(like you won 1 million dollars and your going to get it now).....start feeling the million!!!! xo Tanya

once again...relationships

Hi blog family!
I know I posted the video below..again...much needed, especially after hearing about the baby that was beaten to death-- by the mothers boyfriend!
I won' let this stay a sad note because I am telling you again--THE SIGNS ARE ALWAYS THERE!!!
When you meet a guy, he should never meet your kid/s until you know him inside and out! If he is abusive to you--he more than likely will also be abusive to your children--infact be very careful if ANYONE could have the heart to beat you--hit you--in front of your children! This is a clear sign that this person has no values or limits...and your children should be off limit for even yelling!!! If you are a single parent holding it down--goood for you, you signed up for parenthood and YOU must stay strong--even when times are hard. If your not a fighter who knows how to pick good mates, why would your child be?? Abuse is a pattern that is passed on to other generations--You can stop it by choosing  mates!! RIP littleman
xo Tanya

Movie on 2010-07-20 at 11.06.mov

E=Energy!

back to school Reminder about energy, friends & negative people

Hi blog family!
I know it's been a minute but I knew the kids started school and you have alot of work!
I want to remind you how to attract good friends at work and deal with negative people at work (or home)lol.......I hope you paid attention in science when they talked about energy!!

Remember: everything on  this earth...is made of energy
you are a ball of energy...some of us show it all the  time, some only when happy or excited.

I want you to do an experiment: (you don't have to tell anyone just do it)...

1.  go into a room (if you have kids try it with them) extremely happy, smiling, feeling great and watch everyone in the room shift their energy....
*once in while you get a person that is just plain "low" on energy, maybe in there house there was no excited moments...that's ok, worry about you and your kids),
2.  pay attention to how they looked before you came in and after you bought in all that good positive energy...
.3.  I bet they are smiling or atleast feeling more upbeat...

this "feeling" works for anything you do in life-- so try to always "feel" good, (tell yourself every morning that you won $50 million)--hold that feeling as if you really won...that will keep your energy up!!!
When your trying to attract new people in your life that are good and positive....it is imporant that you show that trait by trying to always have a smile on your face and a good word to say....to anyone...positive energy attracts positive energy.....negative energy attracts.....negative!

 Stay away from anyone who is'Toxic"--mean, negative, arrogant, evil....whatever you want to call them, they complain all the time and they never have answers or solutions to a problem, they are always jelous, envy or greedy or angry----they only add by fighting, cursing, saying bad negative things, they always looking for the worse--stay away...they will DRAIN your positive energy and shift it to negative...now you will have an attitude or be mad! If you have kids who are negative--shift them to positive by displaying postive yourself...they learned from someone in the home....if you were in a group home or negative foster home--that's where u got it from--it's ok..just change it NOW!!!! it only takes 5 seconds!!! yes, just a shift of your mind and you "feeling" good!!!
when everyone around you is negative..........
Donot let ANYONE steal your postive energy--you can share it to pick someone up or make someone smile but DO NOT let someone turn your energy into negative! not even your family or kids!!!!

HOW DO I KEEP POSITIVE ENERGY?
You do that by always being upbeat, positive, always coming up with a good solution to a problem, not complaining, FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELF or worrying but thinking the BEST thing will happen in a situation--BECAUSE YOU DEMAND THE BEST SOLUTION!!.
ok, next topic............lol

I hope your meeting new friends that are going places....HOW WILL I KNOW????
they are usually upbeat and happy,
they go to class,
 help you with homework questions,
 encourage you to pick your head up--EVEN WHEN THINGS LOOK BAD!!
SOPOSE I HAVE A MEAN BOSS....???
IT DOES NOT MATTER WHO IS NEGATIVE OR MEAN.....IT MATTERS THAT YOU USE YOUR POWER OF ENERGY TO SHIFT THEIRS TO POSITIVE!! How??
1. if they are violent and make you mad---walk away for now breath and then address it at a calmer time.
2. if they just never agree with you...do what the boss wants, always smile and keep that "million dollar smile"-- ALL day !!! Don't let anyone steal your joy---- no one can hate on a smiling person or a happy person!!

 just try it, if you stand your happy ground---what can they say??

kill people with kindness or atleast with a smile....

if it's really bad i told take a walk, breath, stay positive and calm.... You are the master of your brain----you can do it on your own with positive energy....energy attracts energy..positive always wins!!!!

ok, you had a very important lesson today, i know its alot but I have to keep reminding you about energy becaue everything you do in this life--requires energy!! 

If you want to be on top or just keep living a quality life with endless hopes and possiblities--stay positive and happy--even when it seems like things are bad---keep your energy up....always feel like you won $50million dollars and your going to pick up the check now!!!!
You are loved special and the universe loves and needs you--cause you are it!!!! smile, someone is watching.....