politics-what can you do

Hi blog family! Below is a quote from my friend Joyce in Italy- 


"Living your life fanatically cannot possibly be healthy for one's mental state. Live people and stop going crazy over politics, politicians and what they are and are not doing. It is what it is...Either do something to change your political situation and "walk like an Egyptian" or deal with it. But beating a dead horse will not change your country's situation"-JY


Alot is going on in politics now that is effecting you and I getting jobs! But we can sit and sulk or rise and take action. I am anti-war and always believe peace, talking and compromise should be the best solution. Only animals "fight" that is why we can talk and they can't- 
I stop watching TV because every time i turn it on-something depressing (a word i do not like), something telling me what to do, who to vote for- make your own decisions, do your own research-if you are interested- if not don't complain about our system-especially if you did not vote or protest! It is what it is-like the lady said and it will never be anything more, until we rise like the youth of Egypt or go to school to become law changers, politicians, head of state etc...  I am proud of the youth of Eygpt- they show that unity does work! I have a friend who is now able to go back to his country because of the victory! always stand for what you believe in or you will fall for anything!!! Life is beautiful, the universe is full of possiblities- but they will not come to you and change will not happen by itself, it takes each of us DOING something!!! 
You are needed by the universe- get up, get out and do something today that will save or change a life- xo Tanya

thinking of adopting

Hi blog family:
Be patient I may address child, foster parent or adoptive on the same page...working on fosterparentsonly.blogspot.com for any issues with adoptive or foster kids.
for those that was in care and may have been adopted please take the time to write back and let us know your experience.
For those who were only in group homes and now adults: 
It is fustrating to see others get adopted and your left in the group home or they went to a foster home and you got left. It can be better to be in a home BUT if you are not with a good family--your better off in a group home setting. The trick of survival: utilizing all your resources! Councelors, programs, therapist...education...I know plenty of adults who came out better than those in foster homes--why? Because they took advantage of what they had and got their education ALONG with discovering what they needed to work on to heal...
You can tell if you are healing by how much anger you harbor. Ask yourself are you often angry or tense, screaming, mad, upset easy, worry all the time? If yes to any of these (and it is "normal" to feel all of these as an adult who was in care)..find a good therapist or start/find a support group in your area for adults just like you. It is important to get if off your chest, so that you can move on the greatness!!! xo


NOTES FOR ADOPTIVE PARENTS:


 http://www.americanadoptions.com/adoption/link_resource

I know most people think that when they adopt a child that life will be bliss. If you get an older child that has been traumatized in any way---including abandonment--they will need to resolve those issues BEFORE adulthood.  My suggestion is to view my site, read my book and check all resources on adoption. Find the best therapist available to children and start processing and allowing the child to understand what has happend to them and how you are going to help change their life. Don't try to "hide" the adoption, lie or coverup because while it may be great that a parent gave them away--it is a hard fact to know that your parents gave you up--even if it was for the better. You must allow them the space and time to know this, work through it and appreciate it--then they can understand your role and love you and "need" you. I enclosed a link you may find helpful for resources.

what is your biggest fear after foster care?

Hi blog family!
What is your biggest fear after care? HOMELESSNESS! quite often when you leave foster care you are faced with many challenges: finding an apartment or room you can afford-while making $9 and hour, food, warm clothing. There usually is no one around to help and if they are-they are probably on drugs or more concerned with there problems.
What can you do to assure you will not be homeless (or again)?Nothing is full proof BUT...
1. If you are on public assistance- get into school-now! learn something of value...health field, food, something you know will never die: keep in mind we must, die, pay taxes, get sick, eat and have clothes!! if you are enrolled in a program atleast you know 2 years from now will be better than today. You can prepare for a better future even if you have to start with your GED!! Your local community college has many programs that will get you finacial aid and sometimes you even have money left over! DOn't sit around waiting for your DSS check to get bigger--in fact it may go away one day...plan on it by planning to do something different than you been doing!! GET YOUR EDUCATION if it's free!!!
2. Put something away every check-even if it's $5 - you have to start building an emergency fund. incase your sick, out of work, need something etc.. if nothing else you can put your tax money away...atleast some. I know this may be the only time for you to buy clothes or extra things needed but think of how nice it feels to say you have $1,000 or so in the bank...:)
3. look into section 8 voucher's in your area- see if you can get on a waiting list- if you make under $40,000 with a family of 3 or 4 (check) you may qualify.. you will be paying 30% of your income instead of 80%!! big difference!! You should not have to live paycheck to paycheck (although most of us do) but find ways to get help! google section 8 voucher program in your area.
4. Search for the answers you need. learn how to advocate for yourself! No one is going to give away money-atleast not advertise it-no one will tell you there is affordable housing, food pantrys (that are better in the suburbs usually..smaller the town the better (and the higher the taxes - people tend to give nicer items and even food may at times be organic..YOU have to check around ask the church, a counselor at your kids school...there are resources out their-you just have to look.
Times seems hard right now but keep your head up and know that this too shall pass- is my favorite saying because this day will not be repeated, especially if you take action- is what i learned from this saying.. secure your future of a safe, loving home, being comfortable, free with nature, giving to others, secure your future by planning today and getting ANY help or services you need to better yourself..
have a great day and smile, someone is watching...xo Tanya

communication

Hi blog family!

I find that when dealing with anyone for anything: COMMUNICATIONS is everything!
 If you say something and I don't understand-we have a problem 1. i will respond wrong,
2. not respond or
3. not how you wanted.
When dealing with people- you can get more from them if you effectivly say what you need or want. Speaking plane english also helps! no big words needed.
When I meet someone i don't like-which is rare- it is because i dont understand their value system or how they operate and they come across as negative or mean spirited.
So if you want to learn how to talk effectivly so that you always make friends/associates, practice how you will say it and to whom. After years in foster care adults tend to still mask what they really want to say--because they were not allowed to say it before so they never excercised their power of words. learn how to say and what to say in 15 seconds to get your point across-most people don't have an attention span after that...
talking/communicating is an art-not many of us know this or practice- i suggest everyone learn to speak more effectivly to get what you need in this life! hope something was learned from old behavior xo Tanya

to foster parents..thank you

Hi blog family!
 thanks Griffith family for all your hard work. I will be addressing foster parents this blog but I also have something more later.

What foster kids need:

1. loving willing capable, functional parent/s that have a BIG heart unconditionally
2. read as much as they can about various abuse: neglect, etc... (then you will understand how to help the child with compassion..
3. if you have kids that are not related...keep an eye on any that was sexually abused...they may act out on it..(I talk about this in my book: "Surviving Foster care & Making it work for you"..
4. know that whatever your kids went through MUST be talked about, processed and worked through, with therapy, mommy love/therapy and community help ...it takes a village to raise a child....
5. set up a trust fund and put their money that comes monthly from the state for clothes/allowance put some of that money away, especially if they are young, it is priceless to have SOME funds when you age out--I had none and I was never given my money--although I always had the best clothes and food BUT a bank account would have been nicer and more helpful.... put something away and teach them the art of saving for a rainy day...
6. teach them they are the hero of this world, the universe is waiting for them to develop so they can help others...and share whatever gifts and talents they have...
7. make sure when they leave the door is always open for a holiday--I never had anywhere to go because i was sexually abused in my foster home--I loved the family--did not want to see my abusers...it's nice to have a place to go when you have no family...
8. be CAREFRONTATIONL-- Dr. Harris Straytner coined this phrase--approach with care and concern, not anger and acsusations..love heals all--even when your parents give you away or you went through abuse--with work, a loving family, therapy,,,,anyone can heal!! (I talk more to victums in my book) I will let you know where to get it soon,
This is it for today, I hope I helped and will do more for foster parents, smile, someone is watching and check out my other blog for teens fosterkidsonly.blogspot.com/
Tanya