what if you were not born?

Hi blog family! I OFTEN LIKE TO SIT BY THIS LAKE AND REFLECT ON ALL THE GOOD TIMES I HAD WITH MY BABY BROTHER ROB....ENJOY..

I have been VERY busy! I hope your holiday was wonderful, filled with  love, helping others...and then presents!! lol..

I , like many of you, have been challenge this year on many issues:
 fiance,
No love", "lack of" family,
challenged birth family, (lol)
 the law,....got a ticket.....or
 legal rulings that just are not fair
 or my and the latest; being hit in my car as we sat at a red light, by a drunk driver who only got a ticket- even though her kid was in the car!! And she hit someone else less than 2 hours later in the back...at a red light.....
 speaking of unfair!
BUT that is NOT why i write today, I write
to encourage you! We all have the same problems or issues!

When life seems unfair, silly, mean and you think you want to give up - DON"T!!!
WHY?
because you have divine purpose like anyone else: the judge who made a poor decision based on what you know is baloney, the cop who hit you,,..based on a receptionist screaming because you did something simple....like said a curse word in a joke to your friend online....
 like the teacher who gave you a C...even though you knew it was an A paper,
like the person that said you would never be anything because you were a foster kid....and now you have a master's!! lol... Life is amazing and YOU belong here as much as anyone! Never give up fighting for your freedom of speech, (try to say something meaningful lol...), your integrity or your honor!!
Always picture the world without you: (if your "lacking money, relationships...that is not important)..
what would your little brother, sister or friend have done without YOU in there lives???
 don't be selfish, SOMEONE in this world needs you,
 it may be only for a moment or a life time
but YOU are needed! Never think of hurting yourself or anyone else -
you are needed without restrictions...lol...not in jail (where u are still needed but dang , you will have limitations)  and besides, God and the universe did not make you to sit idle (do nothing/be nothing) You are here to save or change a life with your gift...find out what that is....WHAT IF YOU WERE NOT BORN? thank the universe/God that you were, now the world may be better because of you! how thoughtful that your parents may not have been able to care for you BUT they let you live!!!! AMAZING!! MY MOM WAS AN ADDICT, I COMMEND HER FOR KNOWING SHE COULD NOT RAISE ME!! MANY WOULD BE DEAD OR WORSE OFF WITHOUT MY BIRTH!! THIS IS HOW YOU HAVE TO VIEW IT, EVEN IN HARD TIME!!!

.for the new year,  I AM THANKFUL FOR YOU!!!!

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!! THE THOUGHT FOR THE NEW YEAR....HOW TO BUILD A BIGGER, BETTER STRONGER ME!! XO TANYA

Holiday blues..how to not lose YOUR mind when life is crazy!

R.I.P little brother!

Hi blog family! After two years I am still missing my brother! The pain gets less but I imagine it will never sink in that he is gone so young! Forgive me for not writing, as I am facing many challenges!
Yes,
it has been a while but life and all its curve balls has been calling me!

I am older and wiser but i still have my days when one error could effect me.
There are days when life can be challenging without family and I want you to know it is NOT your imagination - life is ruff - especially without a family!

Even at my age, I still long for a family. I still hope to be adopted one day-- yes, even over 40!!

 It is a human factor to want to  be loved and to be part of a family unit....this never goes "away"- you only learn to live with  the feeling and talk yourself through it daily! lol....hey if you made it this far without family, you can learn to love you enough and surround yourself around people who love and honor you like family!

On another note
the holidays are hear.
This is the highest times for suicide and loneliness.
*Even people with family who may have had conflict, wish they could be home with love ones*

.... I want you to know that even when you feel lonely and the world is against you God will always be by your side, all you have to do is BELIEVE tomorrow will be better than today!
Faith of a muster seed!
I know some of you may have been in group homes all of your life, some may have been in dysfunctional homes but YOU are the master of your destiny by keeping faith and coming up with an alternative plan! Whatever the plan, failure is not an option, giving up is not on the list!!! God did not design you to "give up"!!!

Don't ever be so discouraged that you don't realize YOU ARE IT! 
Don't ever hurt YOURSELF or ANYONE, life is too short and we ALL have divine purpose, so don't take away another's purpose, they may be the one who saved or changed a life!
 Your the reason the stars shine at night
the reason your brother, 
sister, lover, 
friend, family,
 stranger, 
has a smile on their face. 
You are the reason someone is alive today! 
Don't ever forget your ancestors died to make sure you ENJOY this life NOW, today!!!!
I know the holidays are here and it can be sad if you have no one around, I am lucky to have my two kids. I decided to make the holidays a day to go feed the homeless and then enjoy a nice dinner. This year may be all you can do to get out of your funk--HELP OTHERS...help at a food bank for the day!! Trust me you will feel better and be inspired!


Bills may be piling up, your lover gone, the news may be violent, everyone wants to keep up with the Joneses and no one has faith anymore- but you- YOU are the ONE that will change or save a life!
Stay positive, focused and keep anger out of your life, ask God to give you peace, acceptance, and constant change and growth so that you may be of service to others. You are so wonderful have a blessed week and know God is with you at ALL times, even at your darkest hour - have faith and take action to create change! xo Tanya

save the date May 19th....Fosterkidsunite will be awarding The Robert Cooper Memorial scholarship to kids aging out of foster care! Location: Mt. Kisco/NY time:TBA  all foster kids, former foster kids, community residents and any other who love to help others are invited to join in, more to come!!

Arsenic Found in Popular Juice Brands | Yahoo! Health

what you eat today is important! try to eat organic fruits, veggies and meat, I know its costly but in the end we are trying to fight other pollutants in the world right now, the air is toxic. Japan's nuclear explosion HAS hit our air, California the first two weeks!! If you don't have health, you have nothing! Eat to LIve" - Tanya

Arsenic Found in Popular Juice Brands | Yahoo! Health

Oprah said...

hi blog family!
I like to write my own blog but today i will share something from Oprah's life class! I am sure she does not mind as she is a "life learner" and those who are about life know that learning, support and love are key to life!

Photo: George Burns © Harpo Inc.

Many of us think that our power is a tool or a weapon, but, in fact, power is a state of being, the way you see, hold and handle yourself in the world that then determines your experiences. The external world can only respond to the way you hold and handle yourself internally. If you show up as weak, broken, confused and dazed, the world is going to respond to you that way. If you show up as confident, kind, compassionate and loving, then the world is going to respond to you that way.

This is why we have got to understand that you do not have to do anything to have power. That said, there are some surprises when it comes to your power, ones that, if understood, can improve your ability to tap into it:

1. Power is your birthright. Your power goes back to something very simple.

At the highest spiritual level, you are made in the image and the likeness of the creator—whatever you call that creator—the source of life, the source of all things. You are one with that source—the same source that makes trees, tornadoes, sunshine, the ocean, the mountains, people. You have the same capacity, the same inherent light and the ability to create. This is your birthright. You were born with power. No one can take it away.

2. The only thing that can diminish your power is your belief that you do not have it. Repeat this to yourself. Every day.

3. Gold stars do not affirm your power. The way life is designed, we are programmed, conditioned and educated out of our power because we have been programmed, conditioned and educated to please others, to do what others say and to do what others are doing. Here's my classic story: When I went to school, they used to have a board where, if you did your work well, you got a star. There were gold stars, silver stars, green stars, blue stars, red stars. Now, red stars were not good stars. But at least you got a star. Well, when it came to writing, I could never get that little hook on that a. I just couldn't do it. I don't know why. I always got green stars: great effort, just not perfect. It confirmed my belief that I wasn't good enough because I couldn't do what somebody else could. What I know now is that comparing ourselves to others is an act of self-violence, as is living up to the expectation of others or not listening to your gut. These acts are about other people. These acts are all about external validation. Power is you. Power is standing up as your true self.

4. Power is a habit. Everything we do as human beings is a habit. I've heard that it only takes 40 repetitions to install a habit. Most of us have created a habit of being disempowered: We don't ask for this, don't do that, don't say this, don't say that. Instead, we must create a habit that reinforces our personal power. Part of this requires a daily spiritual practice. We nourish our bodies. We nourish our minds. Do we nourish our spirits? The way to remain connected to, conscious of and in alignment with our power is to remain connected to, conscious of and aligned with our source. That can be through mediation, journaling or stillness. We want to empty the mind as often as possible. We want to listen to that still, small voice that's within.

5. Power is most accessible in your worst times, not your best. When your plane crashes and you wake up in the middle of the desert with no food and no water, it doesn't matter how much money you have, how much education you have or how many friends you have. The great philosopher Whitney Houston, whom I love, sings a song: I didn't know my own strength. I crashed down, and I tumbled, but I did not crumble. I never knew my own strength. Very often, when the things that we lean on for strength—the marriage, the money, the image, the name—are gone, that's when we discover our power.

6. It's okay to forget your power. We're all going to have our moments when we get angry, upset, afraid—when we think we just can't do it. But how long do you stay there? How long do you allow the critical voice in your head to condemn you for your choices? How long will you stay in conflict and confusion, or are you able to focus your attention on something greater, grander, bigger, more loving, more powerful? It's about your recovery time. How long do you stay in your humanness before you slip back into your divinity? The ability to make that shift is the sign of being in touch with your power. 

* you can read more from Oprah at the link below! thanks Oprah!!

Read more: http://www.oprah.com/oprahs-lifeclass/Iyanla-Vanzant-What-You-Dont-Know-About-the-Power-Youve-Always-Had#ixzz1dW254t8U

Rangel Career Fair: Monday, November 14 at CCNY | Rep. Rangel

if your looking for work in NYC area, please view this!

Have a great day and know that you are special and needed!

Rangel Career Fair: Monday, November 14 at CCNY | Rep. Rangel

17-year-old beats the odds and finds a home | year, amanda, last - Colorado Springs Gazette, CO

It is never too late to be adopted! my friend was adopted at 21!!!

Have faith, work on being the best you and let the universe/God lead you to a new family IF that is in the cards, if not...you will be ok, I have lived this long without one. Having support and contacts is what matters, get to know people, let them know and trust you!!

17-year-old beats the odds and finds a home | year, amanda, last - Colorado Springs Gazette, CO

thinking out of the box

Hi blog family!

hope you enjoy this beautiful day, made just for you! I found an old pic from Paris with my kids..that i have posted before..but today,

thought of the day:
I was thinking of  the 1st time I went to Paris to model (years ago!),  I had only been one other time before to visit..I did not know anyone. I knew my birth grandpa had ties but i did not know anyone, until I got off the plane!
I had just officially "aged out" of foster care,  (i signed myself back into a place at 18 because i had no family and no where to go).....
I was at one of the best fashion school's in NYC and had no money to finish, so when someone from the model's club , (a designer) told me to go on faith,  I packed my bags with $250 and a plane ticket and went!
I found an agent in less than a week, found friends that took care of me better than any family! And I found that life is a big "lottery" waiting for you to win IF you go out of your comfort zone!!

I realize sometimes you have to step out of "THE BOX" - the traditional way of doing things...to get what you were destined for! Once you step out and look across the room at the box, you will say.....that box is SO small!

Take good chances and try doing things a little different if your not getting results, life has great plans for you if you keep showing up everyday and keep trying....WE NEVER GIVE UP!! XO

TANYA

You are what you eat!

Hi blog family!

It is a gorgeous day outside - I hope you are  going to enjoy it after school or your kids get home! Learning to take care of your body- crucial after foster care!
Why?
 Well if you lived in a group home - you had lots of food, but i am almost sure it was not the top of the line, meaning, organic.... and if you lived in a foster home, I doubt your foster parents took the time to think about what was dangerous in the cereals you ate.
Not because they were mean, no one knew better!
 I was blessed my foster mom was a diabetic and I ate like one, (thankfully) avoiding common problems associated with a southern (old school) diet...lard, butter, pork, fried foods, red meat, especially not organic....starches like white rice....(brown rice ok..)
(pasta and rice and other food items turns into sugar, if you eat mass amounts of it your body can be thrown off key and perhaps develop diabetes. There are many other factors but I just wanted you to be aware of what you eat!
When shopping I ask myself: "was this food in the garden of Eden or the bible? That usually cuts down my bill!! When my kids had to make a choice at home it was yam over potato chips, grapes (organic) over Hershey's... IF YOU ARE NOW A PARENT, DO BETTER THAN YOUR PARENTS COULD BY HAVING YOUR KIDS EAT HEALTHY!
I am sharing an article i got off of Dr. Mercols's site, (please check it out whenever you can, sign up for the emails, very informative on health news latest!). so these are NOT my words below but i thought if I had to borrow information, it was OK as long as one person walks away thinking healthier! Life is to be enjoyed and you cannot enjoy it if YOUR SICK!!! You cannot enjoy all of it...if you DIE EARLY because you chose to eat bad foods... think about your mind and your body - they go together... xo
____________________________________________________________________________

How to Avoid Heat-Induced Toxins in Your Diet

Ideally, you should consume foods that are raw or minimally processed to avoid these types of toxic byproducts—the more raw food, the better. My nutrition plan emphasizes the need for at least one-third of your foods to be consumed raw. Personally, I consume about 80 percent of my food raw, and I find it is one of the most important factors that help keep me healthy.

It may take you awhile to switch over to a less processed diet, but throwing out the most obvious culprits would be a great start.

These would include:

• French fries and potato chips
• All sodas (both regular and diet, as artificial sweeteners may be more problematic than fructose)
• Doughnuts

Healthy Eating Made Easy

Aside from creating potentially toxic byproducts, cooking and processing also depletes the food of valuable micro nutrients, which is another reason for eating as much raw food as possible. This includes protein sources such as eggs. Raw whole eggs from organic, pastured chickens are an incredible source of high-quality nutrients that many are deficient in. Raw milk is another good example of a food that is beneficial in its raw state but becomes harmful after it is pasteurized.

By opting for foods that will benefit your health, such as raw, preferably organic and/or locally-grown vegetables, organic grass-fed meats, healthy oils, raw dairy, nuts and seeds, you can change your health for the better. These are the foods that are truly natural, and quite easy to prepare once you get the hang of it.

For a step-by-step guide to make the transition to a healthier diet as simple and smooth as possible, simply follow the advice in my optimized nutrition plan.

Remember, eating fresh whole foods is the "secret" to getting healthier, losing weight and really enjoying your food. It's unfortunate that so many are under the mistaken belief that it's "next to impossible" to create a meal without processed foods. Bruce Weinstein and Mark Scarbrough tackle this issue head-on in their book Real Food Has Curves, which is a great starting point to "relearn" the basics of how to enjoy and prepare real food.

Once you get used to it, you'll find you can whip up a healthful meal from scratch in the same amount of time it would have taken you to drive down the street to pick up fast food. The main difference will be greater satisfaction, both physically and mentally, and perhaps even financially, as processed foods typically end up being more expensive than cooking from scratch.

checking back in

Hi blog family!

So glad to have our power back on in my town!! I know their are often times when we want to "black out" and forget about all the negative that has happenend as well as all the work we must continue daily JUST to survive!!!
I encourage you today to get your head back in the game! Life throws us ALL curves, its how u catch them that matter! Yes it would be nice to have the best mit for catching but sometimes you only have your bare hands, and while it will sting to catch a flying ball.....it can be done!

If you survived foster care half your battle is over, the other half is "plugging back in" to life...after being out of it so long!
How do you do this?
1. stay focused on YOUR goals and what it takes to achieve them; ie more schooling, contacts, $..
2. know YOUR moral code; what do YOU live by? does it include integrity and honor?
3. learn to enjoy silence! it will be your best friend AND help you follow your "instinct" in any situation! go to a quaker meeting house in your area at 11am...learn to sit in silence for 45 minutes, listening to what God or the Universe has to tell you...we are usually TOO busy talking and responding to hear anything!!
4. Love yourself enough to be proud you made it thru and while this won't be your last test...YOu know you are made to be a winner!!! don't let your experience in foster care harden you or make you angry, learn to help others in foster care. You have some gift waiting to be shared with others in care...start a journal, mentor to a foster kid, give them a job or internship, teach them how to make jewelry or write a book....SHARE what you know and how you make it thru!!!
Remember: we are all here to SAVE or CHANGE a life!!! smile, someone is watching you and you may help them have a great day just by smiling!!! xo Tanya

help when needed..

Hi blog family!

its been a minute, life is happening as we speak! Happy holloween!
I have been without power for 3 days! Just got it back today! I often thought in the dark of people who live in 3rd world countries and often have no lights, no food and no water! I have a great respect for them when I experience these things and I realize, we have it good, even when we think we have it bad, in NY!

I want to encourage you today to keep thinking and moving forward for your children's sake and NEVER give up!! below is a pool of resources IF you are having a hard time right now. No one can ruin you but YOU! We make our own choices! Make a choice today to be drama free, love life, live life and share all you can to help make this world better! I have more things coming your way soon, know that i think of all foster and former foster kids daily. I have great ideas that i know could change the system, give me time and you will hear from me natinally! much love,

Tanya

• The National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1- 800-273-TALK (1- 800-273-8255) (For the Deaf and Hard of Hearing, TTY: 1-800-799-4TTY (1-800-799-4889))
• National Child Abuse Hotline: 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) (For the Deaf and Hard of Hearing, TTY: Please use your local relay service number)
• Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (1-800-799-7233)
  (For the Deaf and Hard of Hearing, TTY: 1-800-787-SAFE) (1-800-787-7233))
• National Runaway Switchboard 1-800-RUN-AWAY (1-800-726-2929)
  (For the Deaf and Hard of Hearing, TTY: 1-800-621-0394)
• National Center for Missing and Exploited Children 1-800-THE-LOST (1-800-843-5678) (For the Deaf and Hard of Hearing, TTY: 1-800-826-7653 [message] or use your local relay service number)

i got this from oprahs site please share, you are safer knowing, than not knowing!

Read more: http://www.oprah.com/oprahdotcom/In-Need-of-Assistance_1#ixzz1cOrvqhwE

enjoying the simple things

Hi blog family!
today is very easy.
How often do you get to enjoy the simple things in life after foster care?
Put down the worry and breath!
Nothing is worth stressing over,
example: even if i was going homeless, if i did not have the rent money or a job - stressing would NOT change the fact that i will lose my home....only ACTION will change the situation.

Perhaps you would have to go to a shelter or sleep on a friends couch BUT this is still not the worse! If you are breathing, have sound mind, sound judgement and use of your limbs (basic ones), I say you have endless possibilities!! Our ancestors went thru 50x worse than we are experiencing (slavery/Holocaust/potato famine etc..)...
Hold your head high and never be defeated!
As long as you have today.....smile, be happy and plan for a better future!!
If anyone just aged out of foster care please contact me or leave me your email -
 thanks
xo Tanya

finding your gift to survive economic times

Hi blog family!

I often say we ALL have a special gift we were born with! I believe that "gift" is a spare tool God gives us (or the universe if your not religious) to get ourselves or others thru something. Our "gift" (writing, singing, dancing, preaching, counseling, making art/inventions etc....serve as a great way to survive if you were laid off a job or having trouble because you did not receive the proper education or life experiences.. Example: What would Richard Prior, Steve Harvey, Mariah Carey, Madonna, Lady Gaga, Niki Minaj or Dr. Ben Carson be doing HAD THEY NOT found their gift?
There would be many lost, hopeless or dead souls/people! Why? Because I have heard people say that a "song, person or thought from that "inspired them" or made them want to go on in hard times!
You were born with divine purpose! What is that purpose! Chances are if you went thru foster care and no one ever discovered it....you still can. YOur gift is WHATEVER YOU DO 10x better than anyone else, with or without schooling!!  Dr. Ben Carson as a kid probably had a love for healing, Lady Gaga expressed herself thru music, Mozart created genius music...Freud had theorys in his head for a reason!! Micheal Jackson danced and inspired others ...
I challenge you today to find out what your gift is....
sit down and write how many times someone in the group home or after said YOU were talented in something...organizing, making things, keeping peace, singing, dancing, whatever.... think how many complements you often recieve for doing this "gift" that always gets YOU noticed?
Go, sing your heart out, write a book, make selective jewelry, provide a service the world needs!
Times are hard for many who lost their jobs, and cannot find anything after a year of looking, actively... sometimes being unemployed, can lead you to your gift! 

1. find your gift: singing, dancing, promoting, radio voice, organizing people, teaching, inventing, working with kids, disabled, mentally challenged,  (perhaps you could start the 1st "special needs" babysitting service...
Example:you would start with trade school for child care (to get certified), perhaps you would save $50 go to local police station and get your fingerprints checked to show you are ok to work with kids (these are examples)... perhaps you could advertise in your local paper that you are available... 
2. assess HOW it will make you money and help others...(singing...find out all the local spots that will let you sing for hat donations or pay....if your good, everyone will want to hear you sing, they will tell others...try to book weddings, barmitza's, talent contest etc...get a permit to sing in the subway..

 GO FIND your own work!!!
Make a business plan (look up how to on google or youtube)
Go to sites like Vistaprint.com make your business cards for less $, get clients by doing research on WHO needs your services..phone book still works!! target your audience: social workers, residents, businesses etc....
Now life always throws a curvball, but what will YOU do with it and HOW will you use your talents to get you thru hard economic times? You can do it, You are NOT hear by accident! YOu have divine purpose, find out what IT is... It is never too late, start your new life...TODAY, right now, decide who YOU will be, what you stand for and how you will get paid, legally with your morals...in this society...you deserve ALL this world and life has to offer, don't settle don't lay down, stand up and fight for your god given right to be great!!
xo
Tanya

I think we can make it

Hi blog family!

When times are ruff, and you will be challenged, hold your head high, breath and know that ...this to shall pass!
Whatever you are going thru is NEVER that bad, it aint over until the last breath, so live life with joy, even when times are ruff, smile at everyone, even when they don't deserve one, say something kind, you may save or change a life! xo

You are loved and needed!! xo
Tanya

FOR ALL MY RUSSIAN ORPHANS AND THOSE WHO WERE IN FOSTER CARE......

Я думаю, что мы можем сделать это Привет семья blog! Когда времена - ерш, и Вам будут бросать вызов, держать вашу голову высоко, дыхание и знать, что ... это к должно пройти! Независимо от того, что Вы идете через, НИКОГДА НЕ то, что плохо, это aint, законченный до последнего дыхания, так живут жизнью от радости, даже когда времена - ерш, улыбнитесь каждому, даже когда они не заслуживают один, говорят кое-что вид, Вы можете спасти или изменить жизнь! xo Вы любимы и нуждавшийся!! xo Танья

getting back to the basics in a chaotic world

Hi blog family!!
these cupcakes look good right, especially the one on the left with all the "stuff"...news flash, the one on the right is just as good, if not better because it is basic, one less thing to worry about being fattening...keep reading..

It has been a while, lost 6 friends under 47 years old the last two months!! R.I.P: Tommy, Ann, Rob Jr., Dr. Engle, D's little sis, and Danielle....

Made me remember what is really important in this life and ask myself a series of questions:
 what am I really here for?
How can I grow after life in foster care?
 How can I help others in care?
If I died tomorrow, what legacy have I imprint have I left?

In a world full of chaos it is easy to get lost and become a "yes" person--even to the wrong people, places and things in life. It is easy to become a "worry wart"-especially after foster care!

The economy is out of whack, people have LOST their minds, (killing babies, wives, husbands for insurance, drug use, tax frauds like Madoff), the PEOPLE in the WORLD have "lost their minds so to speak!! WHY?
The are trying to KEEP UP with the "Jones"...instead of working with what they have!!

 What does this have to do with foster care, aging out?
When you left there were many issues you DID not have to face, many family topics, relationships, survival skills.
 I started this blog so that you could face those issues on your own, on your terms. So that you know, you are NOT in the twilight-you are in this world to learn lessons and move on.
You don't have time to worry about what Good or bad happened to so and so....Deal with (not worry) YOU! What issues do I need to face that keep coming up in my life after foster care?
What can I do to get help with my income/budget: (therapy, talk with a social worker, attend support groups?)
What will make ME a BETTER person that enjoys THIS life!
 Better to ALL mankind, better than my parents, what will lead me to the greatness I am?
These are the questions you should be asking yourself in this chaotic world.
NOT getting nervous or worried.
Whatever ground work you lay, it will be.
If you do not know how to save money....you may be broke!
If you do not know how to communicate with ALL people, you will have problems with your coworkers, boss and friends!
If you do not know what makes YOU happy and unhappy, you will stay miserable!
Learn what makes you tick, why you are unique, why you were put on this beautiful earth! There is divine purpose for EVERYONE...
Most important ...know the basics of life: survival of the fittest....
1.   keep your mind strong and sharp by reading, writing, exercising and meditating/praying for guidance, strength to always DO the RIGHT thing, even when others love the wrong! Don't follow these celebrity's, they are out for a buck and WILL not care if you go wrong...
2.   Love: find friends, a mate, someone to truly accept and love you for who you are. Love is amazing, it can be a great remedy for past pain! Learn to love you, if you don't know one else can!! You are the best invention since Swiss cheese!! lol...
 Love can also soften you up after years of not letting anyone near your heart..
3.   Learn to Lol...Laugh out loud...at yourself!!
who cares if you got it wrong..or didn't get it!.do it again tomorrow!!!
If you are not dead, you can start all over!!
This is the beauty of life, until its your time, you can do better the next day!!
Laughing cures the blues, I think it is the best medicine for depression or anger...throw on a Martin re-run CD and you will be laughing...
Nothing in life, is that serious and if it is, you can't change it so learn to breath and laugh!
4. Exercise, meditate (to keep your mind pure from all the garbage going in from fb, YouTube, friends, associates, negative people, TV...)..eat to live, not because there if food! When you shop ask yourself: was this in the garden of Eden?
You will save SO much on grocery bill AND be healthier eating more veggies and smaller portions of meat (if any)..
Your mind and your body have to be right if you want to keep away from the world chaos; pollution is there, bad people, situations WILL test you BUT if you keep your mind and body healthy....it will have less of an impact on YOU as a person.

Remember: When the building is built with a sound structure, nothing can tear it down!! Concentrate on the whole you and how to be better and more efficient! It should not matter what is going on in the next house, worry about how to sustain YOUR house!! Appreciage you and ALL you have (not what you don't have)..
Aging out of foster care is easy, just turn 18 or 21....like I said at my last speech, it is sustaining yourself IN the mist of a storm--- that will be your real test!! You were built for endurance, look at your ancestors!

You are a winner
You are kind
Gracious,
loving 
and NEEDED by this universe, go save or change a life with your smile today!
 xo Tanya

Forever Families Through Adoption, Inc. | Who We Are

Forever Families Through Adoption, Inc. | Who We Are

looking for you after foster care!

Hi blog family!

hope everyone is settled into school schedules! Stay focused on you and your kids, they are the future!

Topic for the day:
  looking for you!!!


After leaving foster care do you feel you are always looking for help or someone to "change or save your day?
Don't sweat it,  allot of people right now appear to be looking for a "savior or Hero" ....unfortunately.....only YOU can save YOURSELF!!
I had a friend that said she wants a boyfriend that can "help" her financially and mentally, she said she is tired of "being alone"...NOT me, I love MY time!! When the right mate comes along, I will know!! I am not sitting around waiting!
NEWS FLASH!!!
learn to love YOU, enjoy YOU, spend time with YOU and ENJOY IT!!!


If you just broke up with someone or have not had a date in a while....why can't you do something "proactive" when you feel this loneliness?

Go bowling,
walking,
 take a trip,
 go out with your girls or boys??
There is no reason you should be waiting for SOMEONE else to "save your day!! Prince charming is on vacation and Cinderella lost her shoe again!!!
When you grow up in foster care it is hard to learn to enjoy anything (because it may be taken away), must less you! I understand this BUT.....remember you are trying to live a quality life after foster care, this requires hard work, mentally and physically.
 Mentally you will always have to challenge yourself NOT to think like a foster kid; anxious, Nervous or worried about what's next...those days of wondering what will happen next.... are over,  (you can lol)...
your life is on YOU now and that is good when you know how to please YOU!!
Learn to take chances, get new friends that are DOER"S in life....not people who stand by and watch life pass them by!
Find a job that you can move up in....even if it means McDonald and working your way up to manager!!
Look for things new to do you were never able to do: take a vacation to Paris or California...whatever is thousands of miles away from the only place you know!
Get a book that tells you how to improve your life;; Anthony Robbins, The secret by Rhonda Byrne, Napoleon Hill...anything that helps improve you!!
I challenge you to start enjoying life NOW, don't wait till you get to "Heaven"...this is Heaven here on earth and YOU deserve ALL it has to offer but you must GO AFTER IT. 
Look for yourself, get to know YOU; 
what you like, what you CAN do NOW. Access what you need to change in YOUR life to be a better person...
Stop looking for others to "make your day", no man, woman or child will save you and make your life better, only YOU will!!
You are divine and should be doing the best, eating the best, living the best life and educating your mind enough to share what you do know with others in foster care! 
Best thing I learned about myself after foster care: 
You are your best and own Hero, go save your day!! 
You are blessed and loved,
xo
Tanya

Summer End

Hi blog family!

I am back! Power is restored and so am I!!!
I hope this has been a wonderful summer for all of you!
School is about to be back in session! This is good, keeps the kids busy with a goal...of finishing!! lol..
two thoughts today:

 If you are home an unemployed, ask yourself, what am I doing today, to make for a better year?

 If you have kids challenge them to always ask this question monthly, it is the only way to NOT become comfortable with  where you are at as a person in life. You always want to do bettter, be stronger, live longer and wiser than yesterday and you DON"T want to make the mistakes our parents made! (for those who were placed in foster care due to parents neglect, abuse abandonment etc..) We are trying to build a stronger next generation!
The greatest minds are ALWAYS growing, learning, thinking and Listening to advice that can help them become better people inside and out!
See what you or your kids may need to have a better year: find new postive friends, learn to accept motherly/friendly hugs, learn to think positive, learn NOT to worry, eat to live, start working out by walking, read more books, practice learning a language on youtube, sign up for peace or job corp to get out and travel and meet new people?
There are many things we all can be doing daily to stay learning. Remember life is a lesson and learning helps you grow as a person.
If you grew up in a group home without family structure, retrain your brain to do things different -  IF they did not work..
GETTING RID OF OLD DEFENSE MECHANISMS WE USED TO AVOID PAIN
for example moving around from place to place you may be GREAT at meeting people and adjusting to different homes, BUT you are able to drop people TOO easy...(an argument with a friend, instead of calling them you could wait forever and be fine with that--that was ok when you had to move around, I think its a defence mechanism we build up so that we wont be hurt someone is leaving again...
BUT in a good relationship (mate or friend) there will be awkward days and IF that friend or mate is worth it, you must take the step and repair it, or you will lose the friend or mate... We must re-learn how to get close to others, not be distant and trust that if they leave, life moves forward and its ok!!

down but not out

hey blog family!

I have no power so i will be back by the end of the week.-i am at McDoalds charging my phone and computer...great place to check if your out of power!!
I am staying hopeful -even without power. I learned that I can live without electricity, it may not be fun, but it is possible and LIFE goes on...even without lights!!
Have a blessed week. Stay positive and know that you are loved and have divine purpose!! xo
Tanya

group home vs foster home life..are you ready?

Hi blog family!

I am blessed to live and see another day-especially after all this evacuating saturday for sunday's storm...lol...(i think)...

I have had many discussions this month regarding the State trying to get kids out of group homes and into foster homes.
Many say some have been in a group home setting so long, they don't know how to treat a good family when they get one. (please send me your view on this if your were in a home, are in a home or work with kids in a home....we have to understand to help..

One of my blog readers said they did not know if they would be able to adjust to a home. While i was saddend by this because everyone should feel the love and security of a home, i thought back to when i was in group homes before 7 years old, and it dawned on me, I never thought after a year in group home life, that I would find a family or fit in- and I did at 7 years old.
Yes, my foster mother had to retrain me, stop me from thinking of ONLY my sister and brothers, ONLY how will I eat today or how will I make it today without my birth mom or family... it took a while but she did it! family is about the "WE" being a unit....
I will admit that my brother and I were OPEN to new ideas and any good attention so we worked out going from group home to foster home.
I want those in a group home to OPEN your minds to a; new place, new people, new values, morals, requirements, restrictions, responsibility, togeatherness, even when you are not getting along, UNITY... family should bring unity, something you may not be use to, especially if your coming from an addict parent and always dealt with dsyfunctional family members, parents mates, abusive surroundings, it is hard to go to a good home after this and be "family oriented" BUT If you read books by Anthony RObbins, watch the DVD "The Secret" by Rhonda Byrne, read the art of happiness by the Dali Lama, think and grow rich by Napolian Hill, I assure you your world will open up and you will not see a family as a threat to your old habits and comfort and survival skills, you will see them as an anchor that will allow you to dock your boat long enough to load up on family values, family love and self love.
You have to start focusing on "what" you can learn TODAY from that family, not when you may leave and they have to focus on "what can I teach this child TODAY, so that when they leave, they will have something installed in them so well that even in the darkest hour, they will remember what I taught...

If you did not get that home, make a better one for your future kids-try not to mate with men/woman who will not make great parents--that is a man who will work 3 jobs, go without food, just so his kid will have what they need, they won't break the law because ANY time other than work time away from their child will break their heart and hurt that child's future, they will never yell at the woman who birthed their most prescious gift to this earth....look for "that" guy (or gal men, she does not curse at her kids, mistreat them, neglect them or put them in danger for anyone!!)..MAKE YOUR KIDS FUTURE BETTER THAN YOURS!!
*
 Please read my book Surviving foster care and making it work for you at www.createspace.com/3587372 or Amazon.com
I talk about the difference between group home and foster home without great detail but enough for you to see and appreciate.




IF  you are in the group home and have been for more than 5 years and decide you don't want to be told what to do after all those years with no hugs, love or supervision- You can still "model" (copy) a good family that you admire...learn what YOUR values will be, what your goal will be, who will be your "team" without your family ie..friends, counselors, workers etc..learn how to meditate in hard times and listen to what the universe is telling you to stay focused... You are the master of your destiny and IF you focus on your goals YOU can still make it after a group home-you just have to be on your A-game!!!

Life at this point is all about APPRECIATION, having an attitude of thanks!! You WERE born, YOU are special...why??? You know..be grateful and happy EVERY day you WAKE, it is not promised!!!

please be safe and always love you and know that you have divine purpose-with or without a family!! xo
smile someone is watching you!! If you love you and do what's right, the universe will always send you angels to help, just do what's right and LOVE YOU and all life on this earth-respect it!!!

xo Tanya

u r amazing!

Hi blog family!

you are amazing! Go out today enjoy this lovely day and DO something great that will change the world or make someone's life better!! xo Tanya

abusive relationships

Hi blog family!

I saw that a young lady was gunned down by her baby's father yesterday and thought i should go over relationships-one more time, (1st was with Rhianna and Chris Brown).

I will give MY views on early signs of an abuser...or mate/friend that is NOT good for you! 

1st. in ANY relationship....no one should be yelling at you!!!
 have ears to hear and God made you a voice to use and a mind to use...
2. checking your phone, want to know who is calling, why, when--even family!!!
3. showing up in places you did not invite them too!! stalker
4. asking over and over the same question, where were you etc....interrogation!!!
5. telling you insults- how "ugly, stupid, fat, lazy etc..... repeatedly!!! trying to put you down (at first they may not do it the first date but if you listen, usually you will see a sign the 1st day!!!!!!! (think back real hard)..
6. Pushing, shoving, hitting, etc... NO ONE has a right to put their hands on you!!! Even if you are caught in a situation with another mate---NO one should EVER hit you (if you are DEFENDING/PROTECTING yourself, that is different!!! You are a human being and you were made DIFFERENT than animals because YOU have a MOUTH!!!! Talking is how you solve problems, not violence and anyone who says different, RUN!!!! This world is lacking love and understanding and until we realize WAR of ANY kind NEVER solves problems... we will always be back at square one!!

Think: if war solved problems or fighting--why does it produce revenge  and hatred that last for hundreds of years (Israel and Palestine, just ONE example)...
war / fighting never solves anything DO NOT waste your precious life fighting anyone or being in the company of violent beings!!! xoxo
You are special and loved- smile, someone is watching you!!!!! Tanya

Doing what you need to do

Hi blog family!

Things gets ruff sometimes. We may have jobs we don't love, be in realtionships we don't like or living in a place that is not good for us. What do you do? Any action is better than doing nothing. If I am working p/t and need more money....get another job!
If I am with a friend or mate I don't think is healthy for me, kindly leave the relationship behind. If you always wanted to be in another field, start taking classes or go online to research the field and how you can get in.
There will be many days when you have to work at McDonal'ds AND in the office, just to pay the bills, that is ok IF you have a financial plan!!
Find a way to save, always invest in YOU! Nothing like working all day and not seeing your money!! Start putting away ANY amount EVERY payday as if that amount does not exist!!
Before you know it, you will have a stash to take that class or use it for whatever you think will secure a better future for you.

I have held MANY jobs to stay above water, with a smile on my face, never allowing anyone to make me feel less than just because I have a degree from an IVY league school. At the end of the day, I can say I work for my money and I sleep well at night. Still never giving up my dreams but always doing what needs to be done LEGALLY!!lol...life is what we make it-but- you have to take action!!! even if its not The dreamjob"- it will help you get to your goal!!!
Stay focused and know that you are loved!!
smile, somones watching you!!
xo Tanya

people, places and things

Hi blog family!
pls forgive error, I LOVE adoptuskids.org they are an outstanding organization that does great work to help foster kids get adopted!!! 

I will be short today.
 Have you experience people that ALWAYS have something negative to say? Are you a  person that ALWAYS complains....(think real hard)...
Perhaps you grew up in a place with a negative environment (people always thinking you never did "good" enough, perhaps they always downed you and told you negative things OR never told you anything YOU did good, right or better than usual...
Maybe you were around an abusive partner..(I know many who ran away from group homes, only to fall into "victim" mode by linking up with an abusive partner)..
If any of this applies to you, no worries... this is the good thing about waking up EVERY day- you can change your reality!! I can't imagine growing up in a negative place! How can we expect someone to be "positive" if this is not how they grew up? change your reality!

As of today; stop being around naysayers...people who always have bad things to say ALL the time!! People who only see the bad in a situation....never the good! People who always want you to  "hang out" in bad places! If you want your life to be productive, fruitful and filled with joy and love....first start with getting rid of negative people who say and or want you to do bad things and be in places that will cost you your freedom or put bad thoughts in your head... Life is short, why waste it on bad things OR anything that does NOT help you grow as a person?
Find people who may not give compliments all day BUT do point out your good traits or actions!
Find places to go that make your mind strong and your soul happy...(looking at art, a concert, a walk in nature, the ocean, good book, there are many good things to do in this life and many good people, find them!
If you come from an abusive relationships or past, you have to work harder because your mind was trained to think and do negative by your abuser or in that abusive environment.
 Even if you watched abuse, it plays a part in your life; some will NOT be like there abusers, others will gravitate toward partners/friends...just like their past...You can change that by practicing and committing to surrounding yourself with love and peaceful people...fall back on the yellers, liars, manipulators, stalkers, deceivers, abusers....

I always say: show me your "friends" and I will see you!"
 I have hung around all types of people, I never judge by your situation but by how you treat others...poor, rich, homeless, even if your doing a job I don't agree with- you must have a good trait somewhere for me to have you as my friend!
I learned when i was homeless, never judge a book by its cover but how it reads..... lol..
find good people who are positive and
 try not to surround yourself with anyone who talks negative all the time, it rubs off!

You are a gift to this world, you are loved and its your turn to enjoy life!! :)



smile, someone is watching you! lol..xo
Tanya
below is some of this text in french...there are orphanages in all countries (they are still called that many places, not group homes... sometimes if i see I have  readers who are from other countries, i will post in those languages...)
En French..................................................................................
Negative gens, les lieux et les choses Salut blog familial! 
Je serai bref aujourd'hui. Avez-vous l'expérience des gens qui ont toujours quelque chose de négatif à dire? Etes-vous une personne qui se plaint toujours ....( pense réel dur) ... Peut-être que vous avez grandi dans un endroit avec un environnement négatif (les gens pense toujours que vous n'avez jamais fait "bon" assez, peut-être ils toujours vous dit que vous abattus et les choses négatives ou jamais dit tout ce que vous avez de bonnes, à droite ou mieux que d'habitude ... Peut-être que vous étiez autour d'un partenaire violent .. (je connais beaucoup qui ont fui les foyers de groupe, que pour tomber dans la «victime» le mode en s'associant avec un partenaire violent) .. Si rien de tout cela s'applique à vous, pas de soucis .. . c'est la bonne chose à propos réveiller chaque jour, vous pouvez changer votre réalité! Je ne peux imaginer de grandir dans un endroit négatif! Comment pouvons-nous attendre que quelqu'un soit "positive" si ce n'est pas comment ils ont grandi? changer votre réalité En date d'aujourd'hui;!! cesser d'être autour d'opposants ... les gens qui ont toujours de mauvaises choses à dire tout le temps des gens qui ne voient que le mauvais dans une situation .... jamais le bon peuple qui en veulent toujours vous à «traîner» dans des endroits mal! Si vous voulez que votre vie soit productive, fructueux et remplis de joie et d'amour .... commencer d'abord par

wishing for a family years after care?

Hi blog family!

 La mia Famiglia!

my family! Meine famille! ma famille! mijn famille!mnha familia!MOR cembeR!

Since my brothers death, there are times I feel alone but thankfully, I have my girls and a host of good friends and neighbors!!!

As many of you who have been in the system know..sometimes, even when your older, you long to be adopted or belong to a family.
Money/inheritance has nothing to do with it many have said.
It is the fact that we are human and ALL human beings have a need to belong.
Unfortunately, when your parents give you away or leave you when your young, this sense never gets met. I believe there is no greater love than a mothers.... or someone like a mother...
If you are like me and had no "home" to go to for the holiday like the other kids did in the group home on the weekends, you may still feel lonely on holidays, birthdays or when you see a nice family enjoying each other.
NO WORRY"S!! Good news is.....this feeling can be lessened.
1st. NEVER be jealous of ANYONE for ANYTHING--especially when you see a great family!
 feel happy for them, and pray they appreciate each other!!
Jealousy is NEVER a good trait.
Why?
Because all you do is envy that person, place or thing and you do so much envying, you never get your own!! Now that you are leaving or have left, its all about YOUR life and what YOU need, if you worrying about what they have, you miss your blessings AND you don't focus on things like: how can I make a better family than my parents did? how can I raise my kids with more responsibility and action in there life that will leave a good legacy?? 
Remember if you are in foster care, God (or the universe (for those who are not religious, i must respect that).. You have another purpose, that is NOT the same as the kid with two parents!!!
Pay attention to why you are placed in THAT home, it may be the difference between you thinking it was "just a home" and you knowing why "that" home was chosen by the universe!!
perhaps  your group home counselor (like my last one when I got signed  back to a group home at 18), will change your views enough to change your life! Maybe your foster mother, (like mine) is a minister and you help type up sermons (OK... lol..this was before Mac's")..and now you become the best public speaker, from watching her!!
You never know but i can assure you just like you have divine purpose, so does your group home parent, foster parent or special counselors and social workers!!
If you grew up with no family, by now you should know:

You can choose good friends who love and cherish you...
how will u know?
 because they reciprocate (look that word up please)..they give back to you, just as much as you give!!! These friends are loyal, loving, and would NEVER do anything to harm you, your health or your sanity!!
These are the people you unofficially adopt as family!! I have many friends from other Country's that have no family here, I always have their backs because, I know how that feels!
I have a few friends that I can call on if I am hungry, angry, sad or need a hug, the same role family would play!!
It is wise to choose GOOD friends!
Don't ever be desperate to just "hang" with anyone...you are special and you should only surround yourself around special people!! 
To get out of "NOT" liking holidays and birthdays....throw a party!!!
Yes, with whatever, whoever you have...buy yourself something special on your day or the holiday....if you want your friends to do it that's OK but you should be the same friend that you want!!
Life is one big lesson, you made it out and those who are in, your are able to read this blog, so your good, you are learning how to be a better you! You should always be happy for others with family and you should be choosing good friends that can fill those roles for you in a healthy way....(not gangs) gangs is a false love that almost always ends with handicap, revenge, turf wars, jail or the morgue....Anyone who loves you, will not have you murder, steal or lie...that's real talk!
This is your life, make good rules for yourself and find the key people you need in your life to help you grow as a person....you are loved, special and smile, somebody is watching you- you may save or change a life!!! xo Tanya 

Thanks to all the foster and adoptive parents in Westchester

Hi blog family!
Can I say 911 saves lives...211 change lives!!! great # to call if you need to know about foster care or any other resource in Westchester County and long Island!!!
Today was the greatest day! Ok this is a LONG one, but i think something will be shared and you can pass it on.... If you were in foster care and aged out, knowing information can save your life!!
This new 211 line helps with alot in your county so dial and find out what's going on and how to get any services you may need!!

 I got to experience 1st hand the wonderful job Westchester County is doing to help our children in foster care find homes and be adopted!! If you think you have what it takes to be a foster parent; loving home, patience the will to help a child develop into a healthy, loving stable human being that gives back to society---GO FOR IT!!

 Westchester is amazing!! The kids were lovely and I could see why once I meet their foster or adopted parents!!!

 Lets make it a goal westchester to get as many kids as we can OUT of group homes and into foster homes and adoption!!!

I will share my speech for today with you. It is copywritten and not to be reproduced without the author (me :)) permission...enjoy and thanks to all of you who visit the blog I am working on some things be patient...way more to come!!
You are loved, special and highly favored!!!!

SPECIAL THANKS TO ALL THOSE WHO HAVE FOSTER OR ADOPTED KIDS, YOUR WORK IS NOTED AND APPRECIATED!! XO TANYA

“A PIECE OF MY STORY” by Tanya Cooper

August 13, 2011

No part is to be reprinted without permission from the author

I’d like to thank all of you, 

for allowing me to share in your celebration of foster and adoptive parents.

 I know all to well the impact a great foster parent can have on a child not only reaching independence - that part is easy, just turning 21 gives you independent status- The real test is once your kids are on their your own: knowing how to navigate life when storms come and how to enjoy life- even in the middle of a storm! 

I will share a piece of my story with you and a brief memory of one of the best days of my life! The 1st day i meet my foster mother! 

I remember a policeman and a CPS worker knocking on our door when i was 5 yrs. old. I vaguely remember being moved around to a couple of different group homes in NYC.

My memory starts to become clear when my case got transferred to Westchester County in  the early 1970’s. My mother was a heroin addict and alcoholic, who often lost track of time: hours, days, weeks, months would pass! 

My sister became our mother when she was 5 years old! When we had no lights or food, my sister would comfort us and find a loaf of bread. One time, she snuck us out of the apt to get fresh air, I fell off a swing and needed stitches under my eye, she had someone call the ambulance, while she had her street friends find my mother first, so that no one would know we were outside alone. 

When we needed a hug because we missed mommy, my she would wrap her loving arms around us, until we forgot about mom not being home.

when a curtain caught on fire - because my  brother discovered matches, my sister put the fire out! 

When my brother Rob and I had chicken pox- it was my sister rubbing calamine lotion on us!

 There were many times we should have been in a foster home or could have starved to death, but by the grace of God - we were always protected from harm.

We would see our mother every now and then but eventually due to her addiction- she stopped showing up - my sister also got tired of playing mommy around 8 yrs. old.  

She knew she could love us but she could no longer  keep us feed and safe! Cps was called in and my mother  would later lose her rights, her 4 kids and her battle with addiction! I am grateful to her for knowing she did not have the tools to care for us. It was my foster mother that made me understand, sometimes, your parents are only a vehicle to get you here- 

My memory becomes very clear when I think of the 1st time I meet my foster mother- who was a widow with one adopted son and 2 foster boys at the time she got

my brother and I -  BUT later would meet and marry my favorite man, my foster father!

 I was 7 years old and It was the 1970‘s - We were living at a large group home facility and it was a special day because foster parents would come visit and choose a child to take home-now that style is outdated but i share this story for a reason. 

I was in the gym with many other kids running & playing. I remember I was with my sister and my brother Rob. 

Everyone was playing, laughing, running but me! I was excited that someone may “choose” me to go to a real home! I wore a pretty yellow dress that was way to small because that was all that could be found for me.  Even though it was not my size, it was the 1st dress I owned!! 

I was able to to be grateful very early because I knew previously, I wore the same clothes for months, 

  I thought hard that day in the gym while I waited to find a new home. 

because I had moved around to a few of different places, I knew then, I did not like this “group home life, accept for the fact that; there was always food and i was with my siblings.  

In the group home the kids appeared to run  reckless, a lot of them seemed angry and there was no structure or anyone to give me a hug or guidance. 

As i stood in the gym that summer day, I noticed my baby brother running, smiling and checking back with me every few minutes. 

My sister was in eye sight with her new friends. My brother  Rob ran over and looked up at me and said: “Sis - you think we’ll find a home?” I said: “yes,, and I am not going unless you and T come- keep smiling, maybe someone will notice us” My baby brother had an infectious smile, so I knew if anyone walked in that we” liked, and they saw him, we would have a home!

 I remember the sun literally shinning on me when a beautiful woman, well dressed walked in the gym! My brother Rob came over and gave me a look that said: “she’s the one”.

I don’t know how i knew, but i knew that was going to be my new mommy! She walked past all the kids, straight to Rob and and I, she looked down with a smile and said: “why look at you with your beautiful auburn afro- your about the prettiest little girl i have seen and I want a daughter- would you want to live with me?” I remember she smelled so good, (I would later find out Chanel #5) she had on the nicest clothes I ever saw!

BUT- I wasn’t going without T and Rob. I said to her: “I can’t go, unless you bring my sister and brothers”! 

My sister came around us; observing, listening, contemplating, using her street smart skills to decide if this woman was worth us being separated!

I was excited but scared- they warned us most people like babies, they will not take 2 kids, must less 4! We couldn’t leave baby mark! 

My sister called us over then the worker called my sister over to speak private- they always talked to her first. It was because of her street smarts we had not starved to death! 

So we did not do anything in the group home, without her approval!

 Waiting for an answer, my soon to be foster mother started telling me about her “big House” and how I would have my very own room! BUT she also said: she could only take two of us and that my sister and baby Mark could visit anytime!  I told her”no thanks” but then my sister stepped in and with a sad but convincing face said: Tanya, listen, you and Rob need a home, I will be alright, i promise I will come and see you”. While I was sad to leave my sister behind, i knew i wasn’t cut out for group home life. I was excited Rob and I now had a home and a new mommy!!

I share this story  because I am grateful to all the foster parents who share their home, their family and there time!

Raising someone else's children after neglect, abuse or abandonment is a challenge and you all here today that take the time to invest in our foster children deserve to be honored! Not just for “taking a kid”- anyone can do that- but for nurturing them back to mental and physical health, for unconditional love with hugs and providing constant words of encouragement-even when you were told they had a disability!

My life would not be the same had my foster mother not listened to her inner voice, that told her, yes, you have 3 kids but 2 more needs extra love!!

I know it was no easy task loving an angry teen but my foster mother knew I was hurt that my birth mom never came back for us. She knew because she had lost both of her parents when she was young, being raised by her grandfather! So when I rebelled and acted out as a teen for many reasons, she put on what I call “mom repellent” and challenged me to excel!!

When the doctors tried to give me a title of learning challenges and ADD, ADHD, my foster mother insisted i stay focused and channel my energy with: sports, singing in the church choir, dancing, ballet, camp, after-school activities - so that I would not become bored! Thanks to my patient, loving foster mother, I eventually got new letters - My B.A.S. from N.Y.U!!

I learned from my foster mother that a foster parent is “called” into this field for the love of helping others- even if its temporary you can have an impact! 

This is not a job you do “just for a check” because all kids will make you work for every penny!

A foster parent has a vision a goal for their child. They are able to meet the child where they are at, because their parenting instincts tell them: when their child; “IS” or IS NOT”, ABLE”, ON POINT or IN TROUBLE!”

I am here today, living proof that foster care does work if a child gets the right home- a home that teaches them, like my foster mother taught me, “I am responsible for my future and can never feel sorry for myself or lose faith in hard times!

 My mother held us to high standards and she had many requirements. 

We were blessed to have 6 tv’s in our house, but you could only watch certain shows - on one tv - together as a family and you HAD to read books and newspapers daily in order to watch a tv show in my house! 

One of my birth brothers was dyslexic but my mom did not care, she made him read and write every morning and afternoon! 

I became the best speller because when i got a word wrong, she made me rewrite it 10 times!! My mother never allowed  excuses for failure. There was no such thing as “you can’t” or “I give up” and the only title you had in her home was “my  child”!

In conclusion:

when I aged out at 21, I had good times and hard times but I always bounced back because of the values and faith my foster parents taught me!

 i am so grateful my parents insisted on the basics, I learned patience and that not everything happens or comes together, without , a vision, a written plan, hard work and thought!!

most importantly, my parents took the time to find out what each of  our God given talents and purpose were,  she told us daily: “We all have divine purpose”: My foster parents believed kids with alot of energy should be busy with ; dancing, drawing, singing, inventing things, writing stories, listening, talking, -

 your foster child has a special gift or talent that was given to them  - it is crucial you find out what “IT” is, and focus their energy on that”! 

  through  my gifts of speaking, i have been able to help children labeled with ADD- ADHD and behavior problems focus their energy and reach their potential!  -  By the way- all those other titles we label kids with; its just UNFOCUSED energy! It can be channelled to do good-  thanks to my foster parents, I am living proof! 

Thank you!

Westchester County Saving Tax Dollars by Teaming Up With 2-1-1

Hi blog family!!

If you have aged out, there will be times when you need information, please read about the 211 information line for Westchester County! Information is everything when it comes to survival! Knowing or not knowing information could be the difference between you eating, not eating, having suitable housing or as helpful as knowing how to help others. Life with no family is less stressful when you have information! Know how to utilize resources- read on....xo Have a great Friday, smile, someone may be watching you! Tanya

Westchester County Saving Tax Dollars by Teaming Up With 2-1-1

Where is the love

Hi blog family!

I hope you are enjoying your summer, it is coming to an end so get out, get up and try something new!!!

I was talking to a friend who use to be in foster care and we discussed how hard it is to keep moving forward daily, without love of a family and someone to love! Nothing is stopping you from moving forward but you!! Holding on to the past. Whomever did you wrong forgive in your heart so that you can go to the next level of healing.
You cannot give love if you do not recieve it.
Perhaps you got use to NOT getting any love...ALL humans need some form of love!!! mother love, mates, friends, etc.. You need some human love to survive and thrive (atleast I believe you do)...
Most will run away from love of any kind when you were in a group home all your life.
We figured you get so use to not having any hugs  or pats on the back to tell you your doing good.
As you get older, this no longer works and could hinder future relationships with mates, friends or family members. The friend expressed how hard it is to trust people or get close to them.
This is normal for what they have been through. They built a wall to protect themselves from anyone leaving them again...they forgot the wall was only good for THAT situation not everyday life!!

With proper therapy, honesty and sharing feelings (good or bad) this issue CAN be worked through!
This is why it is important to find a good therapist that you can share past experiences with. This work does NOT happen overnight BUT if you do the work--you will see results like: your interest in dating, finding new friends, trusting more people by their actions, not by your past experience.
You will realize not everyone will leave you and even if someone does, it is ok to go on to the next one!!

I am not a phychologist but you can figure this out with hard work, sharing and honesty....find a great therapist or a group that YOU beleive in, open up and start your healing in relationship process!! Life is more fun when you can build new friendships and repair any relationships worth saving!! Life is meant to take chances and try new things, not stay stuck on one issue! Always find the help you need to grow as a human being. Try to find people, places and things that help YOU become a better person!!!

enjoy your friday xo
Tanya