I hope you are all enjoying your summer and getting the best out of your life by staying healthy, physically and mentally!!
I ran into an old friend and they shared how dysfunctional there family was and how they wanted her to come to a family wedding anniversary celebration.
The persons married were her favorite family members BUT a few of her past abusers; mom, brother and dad were going to be in attendance. She asked me what should she do and I told her whatever will not make her crazy"! she laughed, we laughed but I was serious!!
I was also glad for that one moment, that I did NOT have a family!! Why?
This abandonment, abuse, neglect can happen to people who grew up with their birth families!! I ever knew that until I got older- I thought I was the only one abused as a kid and here I had a friend who was abused by many family members AND they wanted her to stay dysfunctional by attending these family events as if nothing ever happened!!!! She ended up not going and felt better but there are
many lessons here!
1.
The crazy part is....
WE HAVE CHOICES!! "WHEN YOU HAVE YOUR HAND IN THE LIONS MOUTH...YOU TAKE IT OUT SLOWLY!!!" (that applies to those living in a dysfunctional situation now and you have no other way to eat, sleep or stay alive --you may be a minor with no options...so you do what you have to do to stay alive)...NOTHING wrong with that!!!
BUT....
For those of us who have moved out of the house,
got grown,
have a job that pays the bills,
learned to say NO....we have to learn to leave those behind that have hurt us-especially family!!
In my opinion, you never have to sit and have dinner with a family member who abused you in ANY way!!!
You may 'forgive' them but sitting down and having tea will only create ill feelings toward yourself, making you feel less than over and over again--I would not advise anyone abused to be best friends AGAIN, to be trusting, again of that or those person/s..who abused you!
.why? If someone was able to commit a crime against a child once.....they will do it again!!! This is not a situation where your family member just teased you or called you a name or two...this is abuse so bad you still have to work to keep your sanity!!!
This is a person that took control from you at a young age!
This is a monster that changed the DNA of your childhood memories!!
Remember: People are often creatures of habit and most of us do little to unprogram our brain washing from child hood--good or bad---so if your abuser never did therapy, it is likely they will not be healed and even if they don't "do it again", they may verbally give you flashbacks!!
Everyone wants you to "forget" and forgive" but no healing can be done until YOU get therapy and the abuser stays out of your life UNLESS you are ready to have them in your life!!!
(and not because you feel 'guilty'....you know how some cultures and religions do, they try to make you feel like an outcast even though you were abused!!)
I stay away from people, places and things like this!! Only God can judge you!! Don't allow humans, even if they are claiming to be "Christians or "religious" don't allow anyone to make YOU feel bad for being abused as a kid, it was NOT your fault, YOU did NOTHING wrong and you were violated!!! not acceptable!!
you as you are...even when you don't' want to be friends with someone that hurt you and changed your life forever... I did not say that means life will be great but at least you wont have to create self doubt or self hate. I find this a lot among people who try to hurt themselves--internalizing pain instead of nipping it in the bud AND getting rid of it---often appear to cause internal pain and anger...and fear of being alone having no one... I would rather have no one than to sit and have dinner with my abuser!!!! I often miss my foster family events , they were fun, but I know I can never attend them, if I want to keep MY sanity...and remember in this life....its all about YOU surviving and thriving..so you ...can help others heal!!!
DONT ALLOW DYSFUNCTIONAL PEOPLE TO HOLD YOU HOSTAGE!!!!
You are special, loved and life always gets better, if you wake in the morning!! lol..xo
Tanya
We have to remember to
