May is coming!

Hi blog family!

Yes, I was away because my computer was not working!!  I am back!! lol... hope you are all well!
Just letting you know,

left side is my brother Rob... :) nice smile right...it got us thru foster care...and he was the cutest kid, (along with my other baby brother that i am searching for (Mark)...who should now be around 42 yrs old.. (hint ...he grew up in Elmsford, NY!!)...less than 15 miles from us!!! :( still will not stop searching....the Internet is great!!!

back to the point...... (lol)
save the date: May 18th 2-4 
Place:  Mount Kisco Library, (conference room 2nd fl).. (RSVP)


if you are aging out of foster care in NY and going to trade school or college, please give me your email so i can send you the application!!!! 


Attitude is everything, we want you to apply or tell kids to apply that are aging out in June!!! My brother believed everyone deserves a chance and not everyone is an "A" student....we agree so as long as they got into a school (trade or college), you can have them apply (this is to all the social workers, counselors)...lol...
Fosterkidsunite, will be having its 2nd annual "Robert Cooper Memorial Scholarship" awards ceremony!!  We are still trying to surpass our goal from last year, with the help of Robs friends, we hope to raise enough to award more than 4 aging out this year!!!!
Aside from giving a few young people a stipend for college or trade school, we will also be honoring a Rev from one of the largest residences and a Boys and Girls Club Director, both of whom have done major work with foster and group home kids!
We are hoping to raise awareness on the state of foster kids and how you can help as a community! May is National Foster care awareness month!

Thought for the day: Never allow anyone to steal your joy, be that your smile, your kindness, your patience or your understanding - life is meant to be joyful, loving and prosperous and you should live your life surrounding these principles- even on a day when someone attempts to ruin it!
Remember life is short but that's OK if you enjoyed it and did all you could to be the best you!

smile, someone is watching you....and do all YOU can while YOU can....with WHAT resources YOU have!!!
:) xo
T

aged out?

Hi blog family!

Hope you are all well! Beautiful day out again, go out and enjoy it - get your 45 minutes of exercise everyday!!
\
On a sad note I have been talking to kids who just aged out of foster care less than 6 months ago, already, they are heading in shady areas. Sometimes you graduate and get to college but you get there and realize - you are not motivated! Why? because you are normal! Don't get discouraged if you leave and get into college and it does NOT work out on easy street! It may take you a while to figure out what you are great at and what YOU can do, not what your parent, sibling, friend or agency wants you to do or what's the easiest!

Step back if this happens to you
Pull your resources togeather for a team meeting- yes, contact your former agency and ASK if they can do a team meeting to see how they can assist you!

Remember: YOU ARE not A FAILURE in any way!!!!! This is called.......LIFE!! It happens to us all!! question is what are you going to do next?

and if you are fortunate enough to go back home, DONOT allow your family stress to stress you out - you are not a babysitter, caregiver, your job is to be independent and IF you go back home your parent should not be relying on you to bring home the bacon. It is fair to give your parent some of your earnings but if its all, you need to find transitional housing or a room like the YMCA to rent - so you can save until you figure it out...

NEVER give in or give up - success is only a mile away!!
you are loved, needed and blessed to be alive!! smile, somenone may be watching you!!! xo
Tanya

Holiday blues..how to not lose YOUR mind when life is crazy!

R.I.P little brother!

Hi blog family! After two years I am still missing my brother! The pain gets less but I imagine it will never sink in that he is gone so young! Forgive me for not writing, as I am facing many challenges!
Yes,
it has been a while but life and all its curve balls has been calling me!

I am older and wiser but i still have my days when one error could effect me.
There are days when life can be challenging without family and I want you to know it is NOT your imagination - life is ruff - especially without a family!

Even at my age, I still long for a family. I still hope to be adopted one day-- yes, even over 40!!

 It is a human factor to want to  be loved and to be part of a family unit....this never goes "away"- you only learn to live with  the feeling and talk yourself through it daily! lol....hey if you made it this far without family, you can learn to love you enough and surround yourself around people who love and honor you like family!

On another note
the holidays are hear.
This is the highest times for suicide and loneliness.
*Even people with family who may have had conflict, wish they could be home with love ones*

.... I want you to know that even when you feel lonely and the world is against you God will always be by your side, all you have to do is BELIEVE tomorrow will be better than today!
Faith of a muster seed!
I know some of you may have been in group homes all of your life, some may have been in dysfunctional homes but YOU are the master of your destiny by keeping faith and coming up with an alternative plan! Whatever the plan, failure is not an option, giving up is not on the list!!! God did not design you to "give up"!!!

Don't ever be so discouraged that you don't realize YOU ARE IT! 
Don't ever hurt YOURSELF or ANYONE, life is too short and we ALL have divine purpose, so don't take away another's purpose, they may be the one who saved or changed a life!
 Your the reason the stars shine at night
the reason your brother, 
sister, lover, 
friend, family,
 stranger, 
has a smile on their face. 
You are the reason someone is alive today! 
Don't ever forget your ancestors died to make sure you ENJOY this life NOW, today!!!!
I know the holidays are here and it can be sad if you have no one around, I am lucky to have my two kids. I decided to make the holidays a day to go feed the homeless and then enjoy a nice dinner. This year may be all you can do to get out of your funk--HELP OTHERS...help at a food bank for the day!! Trust me you will feel better and be inspired!


Bills may be piling up, your lover gone, the news may be violent, everyone wants to keep up with the Joneses and no one has faith anymore- but you- YOU are the ONE that will change or save a life!
Stay positive, focused and keep anger out of your life, ask God to give you peace, acceptance, and constant change and growth so that you may be of service to others. You are so wonderful have a blessed week and know God is with you at ALL times, even at your darkest hour - have faith and take action to create change! xo Tanya

save the date May 19th....Fosterkidsunite will be awarding The Robert Cooper Memorial scholarship to kids aging out of foster care! Location: Mt. Kisco/NY time:TBA  all foster kids, former foster kids, community residents and any other who love to help others are invited to join in, more to come!!

help when needed..

Hi blog family!

its been a minute, life is happening as we speak! Happy holloween!
I have been without power for 3 days! Just got it back today! I often thought in the dark of people who live in 3rd world countries and often have no lights, no food and no water! I have a great respect for them when I experience these things and I realize, we have it good, even when we think we have it bad, in NY!

I want to encourage you today to keep thinking and moving forward for your children's sake and NEVER give up!! below is a pool of resources IF you are having a hard time right now. No one can ruin you but YOU! We make our own choices! Make a choice today to be drama free, love life, live life and share all you can to help make this world better! I have more things coming your way soon, know that i think of all foster and former foster kids daily. I have great ideas that i know could change the system, give me time and you will hear from me natinally! much love,

Tanya

• The National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1- 800-273-TALK (1- 800-273-8255) (For the Deaf and Hard of Hearing, TTY: 1-800-799-4TTY (1-800-799-4889))
• National Child Abuse Hotline: 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) (For the Deaf and Hard of Hearing, TTY: Please use your local relay service number)
• Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (1-800-799-7233)
  (For the Deaf and Hard of Hearing, TTY: 1-800-787-SAFE) (1-800-787-7233))
• National Runaway Switchboard 1-800-RUN-AWAY (1-800-726-2929)
  (For the Deaf and Hard of Hearing, TTY: 1-800-621-0394)
• National Center for Missing and Exploited Children 1-800-THE-LOST (1-800-843-5678) (For the Deaf and Hard of Hearing, TTY: 1-800-826-7653 [message] or use your local relay service number)

i got this from oprahs site please share, you are safer knowing, than not knowing!

Read more: http://www.oprah.com/oprahdotcom/In-Need-of-Assistance_1#ixzz1cOrvqhwE

looking for you after foster care!

Hi blog family!

hope everyone is settled into school schedules! Stay focused on you and your kids, they are the future!

Topic for the day:
  looking for you!!!


After leaving foster care do you feel you are always looking for help or someone to "change or save your day?
Don't sweat it,  allot of people right now appear to be looking for a "savior or Hero" ....unfortunately.....only YOU can save YOURSELF!!
I had a friend that said she wants a boyfriend that can "help" her financially and mentally, she said she is tired of "being alone"...NOT me, I love MY time!! When the right mate comes along, I will know!! I am not sitting around waiting!
NEWS FLASH!!!
learn to love YOU, enjoy YOU, spend time with YOU and ENJOY IT!!!


If you just broke up with someone or have not had a date in a while....why can't you do something "proactive" when you feel this loneliness?

Go bowling,
walking,
 take a trip,
 go out with your girls or boys??
There is no reason you should be waiting for SOMEONE else to "save your day!! Prince charming is on vacation and Cinderella lost her shoe again!!!
When you grow up in foster care it is hard to learn to enjoy anything (because it may be taken away), must less you! I understand this BUT.....remember you are trying to live a quality life after foster care, this requires hard work, mentally and physically.
 Mentally you will always have to challenge yourself NOT to think like a foster kid; anxious, Nervous or worried about what's next...those days of wondering what will happen next.... are over,  (you can lol)...
your life is on YOU now and that is good when you know how to please YOU!!
Learn to take chances, get new friends that are DOER"S in life....not people who stand by and watch life pass them by!
Find a job that you can move up in....even if it means McDonald and working your way up to manager!!
Look for things new to do you were never able to do: take a vacation to Paris or California...whatever is thousands of miles away from the only place you know!
Get a book that tells you how to improve your life;; Anthony Robbins, The secret by Rhonda Byrne, Napoleon Hill...anything that helps improve you!!
I challenge you to start enjoying life NOW, don't wait till you get to "Heaven"...this is Heaven here on earth and YOU deserve ALL it has to offer but you must GO AFTER IT. 
Look for yourself, get to know YOU; 
what you like, what you CAN do NOW. Access what you need to change in YOUR life to be a better person...
Stop looking for others to "make your day", no man, woman or child will save you and make your life better, only YOU will!!
You are divine and should be doing the best, eating the best, living the best life and educating your mind enough to share what you do know with others in foster care! 
Best thing I learned about myself after foster care: 
You are your best and own Hero, go save your day!! 
You are blessed and loved,
xo
Tanya

Summer End

Hi blog family!

I am back! Power is restored and so am I!!!
I hope this has been a wonderful summer for all of you!
School is about to be back in session! This is good, keeps the kids busy with a goal...of finishing!! lol..
two thoughts today:

 If you are home an unemployed, ask yourself, what am I doing today, to make for a better year?

 If you have kids challenge them to always ask this question monthly, it is the only way to NOT become comfortable with  where you are at as a person in life. You always want to do bettter, be stronger, live longer and wiser than yesterday and you DON"T want to make the mistakes our parents made! (for those who were placed in foster care due to parents neglect, abuse abandonment etc..) We are trying to build a stronger next generation!
The greatest minds are ALWAYS growing, learning, thinking and Listening to advice that can help them become better people inside and out!
See what you or your kids may need to have a better year: find new postive friends, learn to accept motherly/friendly hugs, learn to think positive, learn NOT to worry, eat to live, start working out by walking, read more books, practice learning a language on youtube, sign up for peace or job corp to get out and travel and meet new people?
There are many things we all can be doing daily to stay learning. Remember life is a lesson and learning helps you grow as a person.
If you grew up in a group home without family structure, retrain your brain to do things different -  IF they did not work..
GETTING RID OF OLD DEFENSE MECHANISMS WE USED TO AVOID PAIN
for example moving around from place to place you may be GREAT at meeting people and adjusting to different homes, BUT you are able to drop people TOO easy...(an argument with a friend, instead of calling them you could wait forever and be fine with that--that was ok when you had to move around, I think its a defence mechanism we build up so that we wont be hurt someone is leaving again...
BUT in a good relationship (mate or friend) there will be awkward days and IF that friend or mate is worth it, you must take the step and repair it, or you will lose the friend or mate... We must re-learn how to get close to others, not be distant and trust that if they leave, life moves forward and its ok!!

Where is the love

Hi blog family!

I hope you are enjoying your summer, it is coming to an end so get out, get up and try something new!!!

I was talking to a friend who use to be in foster care and we discussed how hard it is to keep moving forward daily, without love of a family and someone to love! Nothing is stopping you from moving forward but you!! Holding on to the past. Whomever did you wrong forgive in your heart so that you can go to the next level of healing.
You cannot give love if you do not recieve it.
Perhaps you got use to NOT getting any love...ALL humans need some form of love!!! mother love, mates, friends, etc.. You need some human love to survive and thrive (atleast I believe you do)...
Most will run away from love of any kind when you were in a group home all your life.
We figured you get so use to not having any hugs  or pats on the back to tell you your doing good.
As you get older, this no longer works and could hinder future relationships with mates, friends or family members. The friend expressed how hard it is to trust people or get close to them.
This is normal for what they have been through. They built a wall to protect themselves from anyone leaving them again...they forgot the wall was only good for THAT situation not everyday life!!

With proper therapy, honesty and sharing feelings (good or bad) this issue CAN be worked through!
This is why it is important to find a good therapist that you can share past experiences with. This work does NOT happen overnight BUT if you do the work--you will see results like: your interest in dating, finding new friends, trusting more people by their actions, not by your past experience.
You will realize not everyone will leave you and even if someone does, it is ok to go on to the next one!!

I am not a phychologist but you can figure this out with hard work, sharing and honesty....find a great therapist or a group that YOU beleive in, open up and start your healing in relationship process!! Life is more fun when you can build new friendships and repair any relationships worth saving!! Life is meant to take chances and try new things, not stay stuck on one issue! Always find the help you need to grow as a human being. Try to find people, places and things that help YOU become a better person!!!

enjoy your friday xo
Tanya

advice for those entering a new group or foster home

www.createspace.com/3587372

the above is the link to my self help book for teens: surviving foster care and making it work for you!! Every teen in foster care should get a copy!! If you aged out, get one, you will learn new things! 

Hi blog family! i have a video advice on 1st day at new foster home or group home or halfway house! click:

http://youtu.be/GUkeF2gBXMA


have a great day and smile, someone is watching you!
xo Tanya

surviving foster care & making it work for you

my new book for foster teens is available at:
www.createspace.com/3587372

moving....again

ok i admit i am NOT a techy!! i am talking like a bruce lee flick, but you get the point so watch!!

My book is ready at:  creatspace.com surviving foster care and making it work for you!

Hi bog family!

for those that are in another group home: I did a short vid for you above but for those that like to read:

What are your priority's when you move to another home??

1. Be Safe
2. Make good choices on PPT: people you meet, places you go and the things you do in your spare time - your time is very valuable and you only have so many years before you "age out"!!

Watch for positive people: they will say things like: you can, great job, your smart, that's hot, we can do this!!!

Negative will say: no, no way, you can't, impossible, why??
Never roll with anyone that is not thinking positive and saying postive!! This is why I don't like gangs, they work because they know you are desperate for "family" feeling or sense of belonging BUT I will tell you YOU can belong by choosing good friends and getting out to good events to meeet new good, people!!!

Smile, someone is watching you that just came in, make a good impression so they will do the same!!

For those that were in care and moved alot: 

Moving is a good way to get to know people, find a job in sales or marketing you are a master at knowing people and various cultures ...atleast two latino and african american in NY and "other" if your from midwest or other areas...It is very HELPFUL to be around allot of people, you learn personality's, how to deal with others, and how to work as a team player!

Foster Parents/Counselors: please continue to be patient, it is hard moving around and leaving old familiar people and places. feeling may get bottled up, teach them how to express themselves and that it is ok to miss friends and old homes. Teach them how to make new friends, take a chance on being more open and taking risk, its ok if the new person turned out to be a dud, next.......xo

Take advantage by finding a job that uses your people skills!! Have a great day, you are all loved and special!! xo Tanya

Tanya in the Journal News!

Former Bedford foster child honors her late brother by helping others

May 12, 2011  |  

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Written by

Rob Ryser

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• Local News

BEDFORD HILLS — At one point when Tanya Cooper was reading to her brother from the draft of her book about surviving foster care with a smile, her brother said: 'Coop, I think you are really going to do something here. This is going to save lives or change lives.'"

A year-and-a-half since the sudden death of that dear brother Robert Cooper to heart disease at age 41, Tanya Cooper is ready to test his prediction, starting with an outreach event planned in his honor at the Mount Kisco Library.

"This is about changing the way people think," says Cooper, 46, a Bedford Hills mother of two and an advocate who credits the Bedford community for enriching her life as a foster child. "Foster kids come in scared and frightened because they never know what is going to happen next."

That is saying a lot in Cooper's case. At the time she was placed in foster care, she and her baby brother Robert were being raised in Brooklyn by their 7-year-old sister, because their mother would disappear for days on drug binges.

There were good days in foster care and days she endured rape and death threats at the hands of her foster brothers, Cooper says.

"I want people to understand how someone feels in foster care," Cooper says. "It feels like an alien abduction."

Cooper's library event, planned for Wednesday during National Foster Care Month, is about trying to reach local children in foster care with a message that they are destined for special purposes. Even more, it is about reaching families in Westchester and Putnam counties with a message that little acts of kindness mean everything to a foster child.

"Something as simple as paying a kid a compliment can go so far," Cooper syas. "Foster kids don't get any acknowledgment except when they are doing something bad."

A highlight of the library event will be the inaugural Robert Cooper Memorial Scholarship presentation to a local foster child whose hope and positive spirit are part of a dream to succeed after he or she ages out of the system.

The memorial scholarship was created in a partnership with Megan Castellano of Carmel, the executive director of the Mental Health Association in Putnam County, and a high school friend of Robert Cooper's.

"He did a lot to lift up my self-esteem and what I didn't realize until I was older was that he was doing that for me and for others while he was having a hard time himself," Castellano said.

The hope is that after the $250 scholarship money is gone, the moment will linger for foster kids that they are heard and appreciated and supported, Castellano said.

In addition to the scholarship announcement and other awards that will be presented at the library event, Cooper will read from her book, "Surviving Foster Care and Making It Work for You!"

An extension of her two foster kids' blogs and her public speaking, the book sets guidelines for enjoying foster-care life and preparing for independence.

Anecdotally, it is also the story of how education, faith and friends helped Cooper make the transition from foster care to college and a career, so that she was able to give back.

Whatever her crisis, her brother Robert was always there, telling her not to give up, even as he waged his own battle with substance abuse.

"I didn't want every anniversary of his death to come around and say 'Oh, my poor brother,' " Cooper says. "This helps me stay positive and helps me to know that his death won't be in vain."

May 18th celebration reminder

hi blog family!!

almost that time for me to do my share and spread the word, i will be raising awareness in my area!!! With all that is happening, it is important to have information on foster children... please come here me speak if your in the area, I promise-you will learn something!! You are loved and needed by this universe!! smile, someone is watching you!!

“IT TAKES A VILLAGE TO RAISE A CHILD”

COME CELEBRATE NATIONAL FOSTER KIDS MONTH!

When: Wednesday - MAY 18TH

Time:       4:30PM - 6:45pm (Refreshments 4:30-5:30pm)

Where:   The Mount Kisco Public Library 

100 E. Main Street, Mount Kisco, NY 10549

 (Conference Room 2nd floor)

• Motivational Speaker, Tanya Cooper, will be, sharing her experience in foster care, raising awareness on foster care issues, tell why fostering and adopting older kids is important, how we can help and read an excerpt from her new self help book for teens :  Surviving Foster Care And Making It Work For You!
• Awarding a youth aging out with The Robert Cooper Memorial Scholarship!
• One local Senior citizen will be recognized for helping youth! 

unemployed when times are hard

Hi blog family!

If you are among the millions looking for work...take a number, relax. When your out of work you can feel that time is going slow. ..it is..
it may be the universe telling you to get up, get out and do something (like Macy Gray said in her song)! Perhaps you need change of a career, spiritual awakening, change the way you are approaching the job hunt?? Change can be good, if you have patience...

When looking for work for more than a few months:


You may feel your talent or skills are less than...they are not.
Company's are holding their budget money, so they are not hiring and if they are, part-time, so they don't have to give benefits... this is reality but it does not have to mean hope is over.. view it as a good thing to motivate you to achieve your life purpose goal!!! let this downtime INSPIRE you to take action- your action....you always wanted to start a business......i say go for it if its something like making earrings... you can sell in any city...in the parks, especially during festivals...you can get an offical permit by applying through your city government website....everyone must pay taxes.... but you decide how much you make by how many hours you put in..just remember to save for a rainy day...retirement...and put money to the side for doctors......(no healthcare) when u have your own business BUT you are the boss!!!

The jobs i see for the future is those of you that have an extra talent:
singing,  (go to the clubs, look for a band to be the lead singer in...good money...usually CASH!)(sorry uncle sam...)lol...
making jewelry,
writing,  sell your work on Lulu.com or creatspace.com  for FREE just write it and upload!! you set the price!!
drawing/art etc..
stand-up comedy
musician (get your own gigs at bamitzfa'a, weddings, school affairs....
I think we may go back to the times when we fended for ourselves with our god given talents...Don't be frightend, find out what YOU do well and how to turn it into cash!! Keep thinking positive and only watch positive movies. Surround yourself with people that beleive in you and encourage you when your down..

You are special, talented and a gift to this earth, smile, someone is watching you...xo Tanya

how can i use the secret-Wallace Wattles

Hi blog family!
I admit, i am a lover of the book and DVD-the secret! While i always had the faith of a mustard seed, i had these principles-and did not know why. You must be informed of ANY information that may open your mind and help you grow as a person, so that you may focus on enjoying this life!! so I am reading (for free)  the principles of getting rich..by Wallace Wattles...this is the guy who inspired the Secret! Anything i post that is someone elses work, I try to give credit. I ONLY post it because if it is good for me, it should be good for you. I don't think i waste your time with nonesense, you could be doing other great things...thanks for visiting here is some info, i will find the link and post for you to read all of it!! Start thinking now that you deserve to be rich like everyone else, don't settle or listen to pastors that tell you you will get rich in "heaven"....you deserve it NOW and it is NOT bad to want the finer things in life-if you are working for them honestly!! have a great day!! smile, someone is...watching you!! you are loved, divine and special!! xo

me." You cannot exercise much power without gratitude; for it is gratitude that keeps you connected with Power.

But the value of gratitude does not consist solely in getting you more blessings in the future. Without gratitude you cannot long keep from dissatisfied thought regarding things as they are.

The moment you permit your mind to dwell with dissatisfaction upon things as they are, you begin to lose ground. You fix attention upon the common, the ordinary, the poor, and the squalid and mean; and your mind takes the form of these things. Then you will transmit these forms or mental images to the Formless, and the common, the poor, the squalid, and mean will come to you.

To permit your mind to dwell upon the inferior is to become inferior and to surround yourself with inferior things.

On the other hand, to fix your attention on the best is to surround yourself with the best, and to become the best.

The Creative Power within us makes us into the image of that to which we give our attention. We are Thinking Substance, and thinking substance always takes the form of that which it thinks about.

The grateful mind is constantly fixed upon the best; therefore it tends to become the best; it takes the form or character of the best, and will receive the best.

Also, faith is born of gratitude. The grateful mind continually expects good things, and expectation becomes faith. The reaction of gratitude upon one's own mind produces faith; and every outgoing wave of grateful thanksgiving increases faith. He who has no feeling of gratitude cannot long retain a living faith; and without a living faith you cannot get rich by the creative method, as we shall see in the following chapters.

It is necessary, then, to cultivate the habit of being grateful for every good thing that comes to you; and to give thanks continuously.

And because all things have contributed to your advancement, you should include all things in your gratitude.

Do not waste time thinking or talking about the shortcomings or wrong actions of plutocrats or trust magnates. Their organization of the world has made your opportunity; all you get really comes to you because of them.

Do not rage against corrupt politicians; if it were not for politicians we should fall into anarchy, and your opportunity would be greatly lessened.

God has worked a long time and very patiently to bring us up to where we are in industry and government, and He is going right on with His work. There is not the least doubt that He will do away with plutocrats, trust magnates, captains of industry, and politicians as soon as they can be spared; but in the meantime, behold they are all very good. Remember that they are all helping to arrange the lines of transmission along which your riches will come to you, and be grateful to them all. This will bring you into harmonious relations with the good in everything, and the good in everything will move toward you.

what does clothes have to do with this-dressing for success!

Hi blog family!!

FOR THOSE IN CARE
I am fuming a little today. why? well look at this! Foster children would be allowed to get clothing only from second hand stores | Michigan Messenger

look at my face!!! but my lips are not shut!!!

This senator done lost his mind!!
 he wants our "divine children" (that is you), shopping at second hand stores only?? 
OK I LOVE thrift,
 so i am not arguing that you can find some fabulous items--especially designer--at a lower price...(depending on where you live..NY, LA, PARIS, MN....) 


BUT who is he to "save money" when it comes to raising our future kings and queens---YOU!! ?? this is a case of turning your anger into something positive... i am mad BUT i am going to give you a tip my foster mother gave me, even though i do workshops on this...because of this guy..you get this information now...so listen up...
 To all of my young people who may still be in a group home or foster home, remember: 
how you dress- DOES MAKE  A DIFFERENCE!!! 


GUYS:
Learn to pull up your pants and throw on a button up shirt when your going for a job or college interview!! you could do "metro"..meaning shirt, dress pant, and nice leather shoe/boot..
Ladies:
 lower that skirt a little and button up your blouse so "nothing" skin wise is showing!!
 Guys: 
put on a "shoe or shoe boot (docksiders), even Clark's could work or wallaby's if they are leather but DO NOT wear sneakers or timberlands..(unless it was a construction job or carpenter helper!!! 
Ladies:
...no stelleto's (high heal) only a small heal and let the color be black or navy blue..you can also get away with a pair of slacks, a blouse and a blazer or just the blouse ..if it's nice and elegant enough..we are NOT acting flirtatious, we are acting like we are an asset (a plus) to the company....
not like we will make the company look bad...your reputation is everything on the streets--
well it is everything when your a foster kid, like I was, trying to make it in a world where alot, (not all) of people had parents teach them how to dress, talk, act and had contacts ...
we don't usually have that luxery so we have to step up our game on how we act when we are out in the community---
when you age out or have to move, if you left a good reputation--you can come back to your town, (like i did years later)...and get a job or apartment..
BECAUSE when you left, you left with a good reputation and everyone not only knew you, but thought you were respectful, honest and a good person!! 


HOW PEOPLE SEE YOU, very important!! IF you have a bad reputation now...change it!! 
it will not help you get into college, find the right mate, or get a job!!


(If your under 17...they may let you slide), but i am telling you how to get the job over anyone else---DRESS for success!! (this also works for finding your mate, friends, jobs, college, whatever!!)
If you cannot afford nice  clothes--it does NOT matter--how you put it together and the fact that you are "CLEAN with a good attitude--that's what counts! 


If your group home ever needs me to come and speak to you about dressing and acting for success, I would love to come hit me....with a message!! this is what I do!!! I help you because someone, (many people) helped me!! So i "pay it forward"...(ps. that is a good movie you should ask your counselor to get that)...


for those that left foster care


this all apply's to you accept now you are out of care. 
If you are on a job, you want to stay there so stay sharp not only in dress but all the latest computers, faxes, machines, get to know it all!! 
The more you know..skills u have... in a company, the less likely you will be "laid off".. 
example: if your the only one that knows how to do payroll or other major functions...it makes it harder to let you go if they NEED you, they can only need you if you know ALL the functions that are important to that company!


Smiling and making a difference by contributing to a project...not complaining..


if you are at home with no job,
 its time to get up...atleast 4 days a week, go to the library, sign up for the computer, and redo your resume and your look..


 you dont have to buy new clothes, just look in the magazines to see how you can hook up the outfit..belf, jewelry, scarf, jacket...


whatever you do--stay away from depression...its a mind killer....always tell yourself that you are it" you are worthy and you are special--because you are!! read Anthony Robbins or youtube him!! you will learn something!! 
Watch the DVD the secret..Rhona byrn..
Stay positive and stay in the "know" dont just sit and wait for a job...go get it!! it may take time but with perserverance, hard work and good attitude and networking, you can find one!! 


good luck...and dressing for success, does matter!! 
xo Tanya
smile, someone is watching you, you may save or change a life with that smile!!

what is YOUR grade-making your holidays better

hi blog family!
Hope you are enjoying your vacation if your in school...and still keeping your mind fresh reading a new book every month (atleast)...
and if your not in school but left foster care, I hope you are building a new "Holiday" ritual for yourself and your future family...that means whatever you hated about the holidays...(no family, no home visits, no one to visit etc...)..
YOU are now in charge to do whatever you want.
.today my kids and I went to the Brooklyn museum then a friend took us to eat Mexican dinner..
then we walked around Brooklyn..this is OUR holiday..
 it could be in church sunday and then dinner,
it could be sitting at your house with you cooking or potluck, everyone brings something to eat...
most important...you enjoy that time as "family or "friends that are like family...
whatever as long as YOU enjoy it and stop saying "I hate holidays"....most people hate them because it did not go the way they wanted in childhood---fix it, this is your life, you can fix issues like bad holidays and make it better ..if you have no family...find GOOD friends who really care about you, and celebrate with them!!! Angels are waiting everywhere to help you find your destiny!!xo Tanya

I will leave you with something my friend Tar wrote (gotta give credit)..but first.... know that you are loved and special...and the world NEEDS you to stay on your A game...without YOU this world will be different!! smile, someone is watching you!

If YOU evaluated your last week... how would YOU rate it. How did YOU advance yourself? What did YOU learn? Did YOU help anyone else other than yourself? What are YOU doing to develop into the Person YOU always wanted to be? Settling should never be an option! I give myself a C+... I can do better. If YOU can't be honest with yourself... what kind of future do you expect?- taken from my friend Tar

proverbs for the day

You always have hope-never give up!
feel like you won $1 million dollars = every day!!!
You are worth more than gold to this universe!
 xo Tanya

problems or challenges

hi blog family!

Real talk- being without family can be a challenge at times. 
Like when you need $50 for gracery's because you had to pay for your medicine..because your insurance did not cover it)..have you ever had that one emergency that could literally make you homeless, carless, foodless, bookless (for you college aged out folk)..or that one time you NEED money to fix a health problem: teeth, antidepressant...whatever...it is a need BUT you don't get help that day... It happens when your on your own.
But I can say this: "this too shall pass"...this is what my foster mother use to tell me when i thought things were bad....all things change..
remember that and know that to have your health, sanity and choice of freedom....freedom to start a business making earrings or scarves next week!
you have choice, health to start a business cleaning cars or detailing for cars, you have a choice to start your babysitting service for poor mothers in your area...Don't ever think that you cannot get through a tuff time, the key is to stick it out!! Bad can't stay that way forever, even bad gets tired....
I know you will have ruff days but we all do, without family you may have to stick it out al little longer, but remember this builds charector and you will be the type of person that has gradtitude when you do have...don't envy or be jelouse of others who have family that bail them out- be grateful that you have a chance to be bailed out by the universe- because all things in this life change and be grateful for what you have today...

you are loved, special and needed xo Tanya

The search is on for foster families

Really, a search?
 Why do we try to save money and end up spending more later?
There use to be a time when it was more lucrative for foster kids to be in group homes (remember when all the dark skin kids stayed because no one would pick us--we thought it was our age...and now we know it was our color.and money to keep us longer..(not many will admit this read "WILDER"case.  but it was the agency's then only placed you according to religion..if you were catholic, prodestent or jewish-you was placed with better agency's....(or so we thought until you read some foster care books written by all races...so much for the "take care of your own theory...
It is a differenct system now but it is still running on old beliefs and values" let's get the kids out of their "unsafe" enviornement and put them in a camp like enviornment, (hello..what "camp" has ever worked for healing souls...only summer camp and that was refuge from all your brothers and sisters....) meeting all of their needs... if the city paid more and did better screenings, ( I hear alot of people who have foster kids--that are criminals and abusive .
they would find alot of homes BUT just because you take a kid does not mean your a good parent...even if you have one....what will be the determining factor is how much resources will you put into this child having a future so bright, they cannot find room for the  word failure in their vocabualry? No one is thinking...I have many solutions...but they are busy asking people who were never in foster care, did not know they was in foster care--until after the fact, or people that never heard of foster care and want to "do a good deed"! WRONG! when you want real solutions on how to fix foster care they should come to us--we lived it, especially those who grew up in care 5-21 and different enviornments, foster and group homes... 
I am not babbling, I am saying if we want our kids to age out successfully we must invest in them mentally, and physically and financiallly..by making sure WHEREVER they are placed, there is love, caring people, contacts, therapy with a modern approach, and understanding that it takes work to heal from abandonment. not money... or just any foster family....
You are blessed and a blessing Tanya

Suicide/aging out

Hi blog family!Sorry to tell you about this story but you need to know- YOU ARE NEEDED in this world-NEVER think of hurting yourself or others. Not only do you lose your life but OTHERS may die or go without because your not here to help. Remember- WE ALL have divine purpose!!! You are loved and If you are aging out or in care and feel you want to hurt yourself call 1800 suicide or call 911...someone is waiting to talk you down because YOU ARE SPECIAL! This is why I do what i do-so that none of us who use to be in care or are in care will ever feel like hurting ourselves or others- know that you are what the world has been waiting for! If you want to be inspired and get through anything-read my book, it will be available next week, in the meantime- write me if you feel down, DON"T hurt yourself-We need you!! RIP ERWIN!!

Victim 'aged out' of system

By Dan Nakaso 

POSTED: 01:30 a.m. HST, Oct 25, 2010

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FL MORRIS / FMORRIS@STARADVERTISER.COM

Friends and co-workers of Erwin Celes gathered at Little Caesars in Wahiawa, where he worked, to remember him. From left, Elena Raymond, Kimo Negron and Aldah Cendana.

Erwin Viado Celes hanged himself last month, just six months after he "aged out" of Hawaii's foster care system, and now his friends are trying to raise enough money to pay for his funeral and burial.

Celes' suicide highlights the sudden gap that island foster children frequently fall into once they become legal adults but have no reliable support or even a bed of their own, said David Louis, executive director of the nonprofit group Heart Gallery Hawaii, which works to find resources for foster children.

Services for Erwin Viado Celes » Where: Our Lady of Perpetual Help, 91-1004 North Road, Ewa Beach » When: Visitation from 9 to 10:30 a.m. tomorrow. Mass at 11 a.m. Burial at 1:30 p.m. at Mililani Memorial Park. » To donate:Donations may be made at any Bank of Hawaii branch or to Heart Gallery Hawaii, 3554 Aliamanu St., Honolulu, HI 96818. Checks should include the phrase "For Erwin Viado Celes" in the memo line.

When he turned 18, Celes received court approval to stay in Hawaii's foster care system for another year -- until his 19th birthday on March 12, Louis said.

After leaving his foster family, Celes bounced between homes in Waianae, Mililani and Waipahu until he was found dead Sept. 7 in Hawaii Kai, said Elena Raymond, Celes' friend and co-worker.

Celes spent 14 years in foster care and "didn't talk about it a lot," Raymond said, "but he would tell us bits and pieces about being in foster homes."

Louis called Celes' suicide "a preventable tragedy."