Where is the love

Hi blog family!

I hope you are enjoying your summer, it is coming to an end so get out, get up and try something new!!!

I was talking to a friend who use to be in foster care and we discussed how hard it is to keep moving forward daily, without love of a family and someone to love! Nothing is stopping you from moving forward but you!! Holding on to the past. Whomever did you wrong forgive in your heart so that you can go to the next level of healing.
You cannot give love if you do not recieve it.
Perhaps you got use to NOT getting any love...ALL humans need some form of love!!! mother love, mates, friends, etc.. You need some human love to survive and thrive (atleast I believe you do)...
Most will run away from love of any kind when you were in a group home all your life.
We figured you get so use to not having any hugs  or pats on the back to tell you your doing good.
As you get older, this no longer works and could hinder future relationships with mates, friends or family members. The friend expressed how hard it is to trust people or get close to them.
This is normal for what they have been through. They built a wall to protect themselves from anyone leaving them again...they forgot the wall was only good for THAT situation not everyday life!!

With proper therapy, honesty and sharing feelings (good or bad) this issue CAN be worked through!
This is why it is important to find a good therapist that you can share past experiences with. This work does NOT happen overnight BUT if you do the work--you will see results like: your interest in dating, finding new friends, trusting more people by their actions, not by your past experience.
You will realize not everyone will leave you and even if someone does, it is ok to go on to the next one!!

I am not a phychologist but you can figure this out with hard work, sharing and honesty....find a great therapist or a group that YOU beleive in, open up and start your healing in relationship process!! Life is more fun when you can build new friendships and repair any relationships worth saving!! Life is meant to take chances and try new things, not stay stuck on one issue! Always find the help you need to grow as a human being. Try to find people, places and things that help YOU become a better person!!!

enjoy your friday xo
Tanya

recovering relationships

Hi blog family- I'm back!
Relationships after foster care.

It is hard to have any-when you have no good example to choose from.
 So if you are not sure how to pick a good mate or friend-stop picking the bad ones- the one who has all the drama, gossip, negative words!
If nothing else, you know that ANY relationship should consist of two people that respect, admire and love each other for whom they are-never trying to change them or mold them, accepting them with flaws (as long as it is not drama or you doing all the work).. both parties should get something out of each other that makes them do better, love harder and want to be greater!
Don't settle for crazy, lazy, drama friends and mates-
life is short-only surround yourself with people that love you and have your best interest at heart IF there is any hint of jealousy, envy, hatred, mean spiritness- ABANDON SHIP!! God put plenty of people on the earth for you- its up to you to find them!
You are loved, and the universe needs you to get yourself together so that you may help the other 500,000 kids in foster care!!
xo Tanya

time for new relationships!!

Fostering relationships after foster care

today i will share this with you and then the purple project.com- feel free to comment.

Before being in care some of us had to endure our parents drug use or ill mental health.

 Often times we had to worry about who was coming to visit, if someone was going to hurt us or if we could trust that person. Often, we could not.

 Being in an unstable home causes children to grow into worrying adults who end up with OCD or ulcers. 

Life before foster care can be hard and we are blessed to have lived to tell our stories.

 In reality we never learned to foster good relationships that bring out the best in us and make us want to be open and loving to others. As a child we may have "built a wall" as a "defense mechanism, (a way to protect our selves). You learned to drop friends and mates easily because you had no choice - you had to move again!

 While in foster care many of us had to move to a new place, hindering our chance of making long term friends or having time to learn trust! 

While building a wall of protection may have worked as a child constantly on the move in foster care, it is no longer working in adult hood and may be costing you relationships.

Have you been in a good relationship; friend or mate, and after a while you start sabotaging without realizing it?

not comfortable with too many hugs

feeling lonely in a room full of people?

Have not had a date in years, and could care less if you do, although you deserve and want love?

I believe these are all signs that you need to relearn how to build relationships.

Some of the ways to start over;;;

1. look at all of your relationships and ask yourself are you giving your all and is your partner. (quite often we will find mates that DONOT love us as much as we love them or they are unemotionally available....perfect for someone who does not want to get too close to anyone...

2. ask your friend or mate how they feel about your relationship, is anything missing, are you doing your share, (open communication, advice when needed, an ear when needed, a hug when needed and a chance to learn and grow as a person.

3. Your friends & mate should bring out the best in you. When you are around them you should feel safe, and know that they will not let you down like your family did, (until someone give's you reasons not to trust or open up, you should take a chance, you cannot exercise your judgement capabilities without practice - and that comes with meeting new people and taking a chance on trusting they are in your life because they value something about you and can grow from a relationship with you.

4. It takes years to get your trust skills back, just like it took years for you to stop trusting the parent who never came back or the parent that hurt you, kids are very trusting but after a while they put up a wall and into adulthood, that wall becomes an obstacle for a mate or a friend who was just trying to give you the love you deserve

let me know some of your experiences and i will try to facilitate positive feedback. -

" be kind to someone today, you may change or save a life", Tanya Cooper