group home vs foster home life..are you ready?

Hi blog family!

I am blessed to live and see another day-especially after all this evacuating saturday for sunday's storm...lol...(i think)...

I have had many discussions this month regarding the State trying to get kids out of group homes and into foster homes.
Many say some have been in a group home setting so long, they don't know how to treat a good family when they get one. (please send me your view on this if your were in a home, are in a home or work with kids in a home....we have to understand to help..

One of my blog readers said they did not know if they would be able to adjust to a home. While i was saddend by this because everyone should feel the love and security of a home, i thought back to when i was in group homes before 7 years old, and it dawned on me, I never thought after a year in group home life, that I would find a family or fit in- and I did at 7 years old.
Yes, my foster mother had to retrain me, stop me from thinking of ONLY my sister and brothers, ONLY how will I eat today or how will I make it today without my birth mom or family... it took a while but she did it! family is about the "WE" being a unit....
I will admit that my brother and I were OPEN to new ideas and any good attention so we worked out going from group home to foster home.
I want those in a group home to OPEN your minds to a; new place, new people, new values, morals, requirements, restrictions, responsibility, togeatherness, even when you are not getting along, UNITY... family should bring unity, something you may not be use to, especially if your coming from an addict parent and always dealt with dsyfunctional family members, parents mates, abusive surroundings, it is hard to go to a good home after this and be "family oriented" BUT If you read books by Anthony RObbins, watch the DVD "The Secret" by Rhonda Byrne, read the art of happiness by the Dali Lama, think and grow rich by Napolian Hill, I assure you your world will open up and you will not see a family as a threat to your old habits and comfort and survival skills, you will see them as an anchor that will allow you to dock your boat long enough to load up on family values, family love and self love.
You have to start focusing on "what" you can learn TODAY from that family, not when you may leave and they have to focus on "what can I teach this child TODAY, so that when they leave, they will have something installed in them so well that even in the darkest hour, they will remember what I taught...

If you did not get that home, make a better one for your future kids-try not to mate with men/woman who will not make great parents--that is a man who will work 3 jobs, go without food, just so his kid will have what they need, they won't break the law because ANY time other than work time away from their child will break their heart and hurt that child's future, they will never yell at the woman who birthed their most prescious gift to this earth....look for "that" guy (or gal men, she does not curse at her kids, mistreat them, neglect them or put them in danger for anyone!!)..MAKE YOUR KIDS FUTURE BETTER THAN YOURS!!
*
 Please read my book Surviving foster care and making it work for you at www.createspace.com/3587372 or Amazon.com
I talk about the difference between group home and foster home without great detail but enough for you to see and appreciate.




IF  you are in the group home and have been for more than 5 years and decide you don't want to be told what to do after all those years with no hugs, love or supervision- You can still "model" (copy) a good family that you admire...learn what YOUR values will be, what your goal will be, who will be your "team" without your family ie..friends, counselors, workers etc..learn how to meditate in hard times and listen to what the universe is telling you to stay focused... You are the master of your destiny and IF you focus on your goals YOU can still make it after a group home-you just have to be on your A-game!!!

Life at this point is all about APPRECIATION, having an attitude of thanks!! You WERE born, YOU are special...why??? You know..be grateful and happy EVERY day you WAKE, it is not promised!!!

please be safe and always love you and know that you have divine purpose-with or without a family!! xo
smile someone is watching you!! If you love you and do what's right, the universe will always send you angels to help, just do what's right and LOVE YOU and all life on this earth-respect it!!!

xo Tanya

wishing for a family years after care?

Hi blog family!

 La mia Famiglia!

my family! Meine famille! ma famille! mijn famille!mnha familia!MOR cembeR!

Since my brothers death, there are times I feel alone but thankfully, I have my girls and a host of good friends and neighbors!!!

As many of you who have been in the system know..sometimes, even when your older, you long to be adopted or belong to a family.
Money/inheritance has nothing to do with it many have said.
It is the fact that we are human and ALL human beings have a need to belong.
Unfortunately, when your parents give you away or leave you when your young, this sense never gets met. I believe there is no greater love than a mothers.... or someone like a mother...
If you are like me and had no "home" to go to for the holiday like the other kids did in the group home on the weekends, you may still feel lonely on holidays, birthdays or when you see a nice family enjoying each other.
NO WORRY"S!! Good news is.....this feeling can be lessened.
1st. NEVER be jealous of ANYONE for ANYTHING--especially when you see a great family!
 feel happy for them, and pray they appreciate each other!!
Jealousy is NEVER a good trait.
Why?
Because all you do is envy that person, place or thing and you do so much envying, you never get your own!! Now that you are leaving or have left, its all about YOUR life and what YOU need, if you worrying about what they have, you miss your blessings AND you don't focus on things like: how can I make a better family than my parents did? how can I raise my kids with more responsibility and action in there life that will leave a good legacy?? 
Remember if you are in foster care, God (or the universe (for those who are not religious, i must respect that).. You have another purpose, that is NOT the same as the kid with two parents!!!
Pay attention to why you are placed in THAT home, it may be the difference between you thinking it was "just a home" and you knowing why "that" home was chosen by the universe!!
perhaps  your group home counselor (like my last one when I got signed  back to a group home at 18), will change your views enough to change your life! Maybe your foster mother, (like mine) is a minister and you help type up sermons (OK... lol..this was before Mac's")..and now you become the best public speaker, from watching her!!
You never know but i can assure you just like you have divine purpose, so does your group home parent, foster parent or special counselors and social workers!!
If you grew up with no family, by now you should know:

You can choose good friends who love and cherish you...
how will u know?
 because they reciprocate (look that word up please)..they give back to you, just as much as you give!!! These friends are loyal, loving, and would NEVER do anything to harm you, your health or your sanity!!
These are the people you unofficially adopt as family!! I have many friends from other Country's that have no family here, I always have their backs because, I know how that feels!
I have a few friends that I can call on if I am hungry, angry, sad or need a hug, the same role family would play!!
It is wise to choose GOOD friends!
Don't ever be desperate to just "hang" with anyone...you are special and you should only surround yourself around special people!! 
To get out of "NOT" liking holidays and birthdays....throw a party!!!
Yes, with whatever, whoever you have...buy yourself something special on your day or the holiday....if you want your friends to do it that's OK but you should be the same friend that you want!!
Life is one big lesson, you made it out and those who are in, your are able to read this blog, so your good, you are learning how to be a better you! You should always be happy for others with family and you should be choosing good friends that can fill those roles for you in a healthy way....(not gangs) gangs is a false love that almost always ends with handicap, revenge, turf wars, jail or the morgue....Anyone who loves you, will not have you murder, steal or lie...that's real talk!
This is your life, make good rules for yourself and find the key people you need in your life to help you grow as a person....you are loved, special and smile, somebody is watching you- you may save or change a life!!! xo Tanya 

problems or challenges

hi blog family!

Real talk- being without family can be a challenge at times. 
Like when you need $50 for gracery's because you had to pay for your medicine..because your insurance did not cover it)..have you ever had that one emergency that could literally make you homeless, carless, foodless, bookless (for you college aged out folk)..or that one time you NEED money to fix a health problem: teeth, antidepressant...whatever...it is a need BUT you don't get help that day... It happens when your on your own.
But I can say this: "this too shall pass"...this is what my foster mother use to tell me when i thought things were bad....all things change..
remember that and know that to have your health, sanity and choice of freedom....freedom to start a business making earrings or scarves next week!
you have choice, health to start a business cleaning cars or detailing for cars, you have a choice to start your babysitting service for poor mothers in your area...Don't ever think that you cannot get through a tuff time, the key is to stick it out!! Bad can't stay that way forever, even bad gets tired....
I know you will have ruff days but we all do, without family you may have to stick it out al little longer, but remember this builds charector and you will be the type of person that has gradtitude when you do have...don't envy or be jelouse of others who have family that bail them out- be grateful that you have a chance to be bailed out by the universe- because all things in this life change and be grateful for what you have today...

you are loved, special and needed xo Tanya

MAY: A poem for you, from "someone" on the internet...

Hi blog family, it is May. May is a time of renewal of all you know to get to the better you. It is also National foster kids month, be kind to some kid in a group or foster home, to any kid, they look up to us, make a good example, xo Tanya
Here is an email that was sent randomly to me but i thought i should share with you. It is a reminder in how great you are!




May today there be peace within. 
May you trust that you are exactly where
you are meant to be. 
May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are
born of faith in yourself and others.
 May you use the gifts that you have
received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. 
May you be
content with yourself just the way you are.
 Let this knowledge settle into
your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing,
 dance, 
praise
 and love.
It is there for each and every one of us!


smile, someone is watching you!! Tanya

Self Doubt comes creeping back in....

Pst....over here...feelin kinda low?

Has self doubt found its way back into your life? Just when you thought you had it all under control!

There are times in an ex fosterkids life, or heck anyone's life these days, when self doubt comes back to haunt you. 

How could this happen, I planned carefully, I have food, shelter, LOVE, or so I thought i did!

What happend to a sure future? There really isn't one these days. The economy is a mess, no one can find jobs, even with a college degree and contacts, and frankly no one looks out for anyone anymore!

I realized you have to constantly reinforce your confidence, like every hour, or you could slide down the slippery slope of human doom and gloom!

I was so happy the other day, started thinking of my brother and what life would be like if he were still here....I decided nothing would change.  Self doubt crept in...."I have no family" a voice said to me. Then comes the tears and the what's the point thoughts, then came a thought:

Sometimes we are dealt awful family, career or life  choices, but we have to make the best of them.

 My brother was my only link to "family" everyone else has unofficially adopted me to an extent. 

I have long wished for a family that is close and always together, i see now i will have to marry a guy who has a large family and is very dedicated to his family.

 I thought because my brother is gone i have no one, but I have my two girls, even though one is off on her own and rarely swings in, (she hates the burbs)... But I will keep hope alive and tell the doubt to: shut up, I have no time for you! 

I knew what i was in for being a foster kid...no family... loneliness in a crowd: having two kids helped but i am still missing uncles, grandma, aunts, etc...

for now i will have to keep reminding myself of my purpose, to help other foster kids.

 It took years for me to get here, without medication and with lots of help and angels!

 I know i was one out of hundreds who made it with their minds in tac. 

Self doubt is just a human factor- 

it can be worse if your parents gave you up or you have no family.

 Family

 usually is the one who comes to your rescue when you cannot paddle the boat of life anymore, 

they throw you a life preserve 

or you hold on to the side of their boat until the storm passes. 

Without family you have to create your own life preserve, 

I tend to call on my guardian angels daily! 

I ask them to protect me from the evils of this world,

 I tell them to make me feel i am always loved though someone or something,

 I ask them to keep me away from danger and guide me toward love and kindness, 

lastly i listen to them tell me daily: You Are loved, special and with purpose, and then i know i can go on without doubt!

by: Tanya C

This is for all of those who grew up in foster care or may be there now, keep self doubt out and know that you are loved, we all have doubts, just don't let it linger...xo

you are loved, special and blessed, be kind to someone this week, especially a kid!