Taking action when the odds seem low!

Hi blog family!

* Reminder* May is National Foster Care Awareness month - Fosterkidsunite will be having our Robert Cooper memorial scholorship award ceremony at the Mount Kisco Library May 18th 2-4 2nd fl conference room!
( RSVP) You don't want to miss it, this is a time we find those aging out and off to school and award them with a stipend for their hard work and their future journey in life without major family support! If you know anyone in NY that is ageing out and could use money for books, transportation or toward tuition, please send me their email and I will forward an application!

Hope you are all enjoying the lovely weather by getting OUTSIDE, walking, biking, enjoying this lovely earth!

I know as a former foster child that at times when you are trying to keep your head above water; (work two jobs, smile- even when your not happy, be kind, feel family love, (when their is no mom to give a hug), just basic life skills of "making it" one day at a time - can be a challenge!
Why?
 If you grew up in group homes all of your life OR lived in foster homes who had parents that were more like gatekeepers than caregivers...lol..(some of you know what I am saying)... all of these can make it a daily struggle.
What I want you to do: 
1. always remain hopeful - ("we never give up!) :)
2. Focus on what you DO have and CAN do: (good friends, good mate, job, the fact that YOU are breathing, (and not on life support - if your reading this), the fact that YOU are here, (we all know with our former parents who were addicts, WE COULD HAVE DIED before we got to care; via abuse, neglect or your mom could of said let me not have this baby!!! I know its harsh but - don't ever forget that YOU are Alive!!
We often fall into pity parties" and forget that we are living - that means everything!! it means a new start every day you wake!
It means you can forgive (OR be forgiven) for the crazy mistake you made yesterday!!!
It means you can start over!! Do you know what that means in a world without parents??? Start over is everything!
When you age out (or those that did), don't be sad, be happy that now you can live your life how YOU see fit!
But it takes hard work!
Effort,
resistance and....
persistence!!
You Have to always be ready to take action - even when the odds are low! (w
You and I were born to beat the odds, in fact, as long as you are alive, breathing and with sound mind, chances/odds is our biggest weapon in the fight for a good, quality life after foster care!!!
Get excited every time you wake in the morning - even if its raining, even if you woke up to negative energy---only you can control how you "feel" - their is NO excuse for staying down- as a former foster child i am constantly falling.....and getting back up! There is nothing wrong with you if you experience sad feeling occasionally! There is nothing wrong" if you feel lonely-- even in a room full of people!
There is nothing wrong" with having the odds" "appearing" against you- remember you grew up in foster care NOTHING can shake you!
 How many people could survive AND be happy after losing parents at a young age or being separated from your sibling?
As human beings, we are more resilient than we think! Think of what you ancestors went through and still made it our alive AND produced many more generations!!!!

You are a winner - always know this, in fact- never allow anyone at anytime to tell you otherwise!
We must stay strong when the odds seem low--especially after foster care by: educating yourself, traveling the world when you can, helping others (it teaches humility), meditating/quiet time to listen what the universe or God is telling you!

You have a heart, follow it, nurture it, even if that means finding GOOD things to fill the void of not having family or a loving" mom/parent... find good friends/mates, love others more by giving your time to the needy....trust me it takes the spotlight off of "YOUR" problem! (remember everyone hurts sometime!!!!
Life is wonderful, full of surprises - don't give up at the first sign of trouble!
 
Dont forget, when the odds are against you:
Raise your head high and strut down the runway of life...all eyes on the winner-YOU!!!!

Have a great day and remember to smile, someone is watching you!!! You may save or change a life!! xo Tanya

advice for those entering a new group or foster home

www.createspace.com/3587372

the above is the link to my self help book for teens: surviving foster care and making it work for you!! Every teen in foster care should get a copy!! If you aged out, get one, you will learn new things! 

Hi blog family! i have a video advice on 1st day at new foster home or group home or halfway house! click:

http://youtu.be/GUkeF2gBXMA


have a great day and smile, someone is watching you!
xo Tanya

what does clothes have to do with this-dressing for success!

Hi blog family!!

FOR THOSE IN CARE
I am fuming a little today. why? well look at this! Foster children would be allowed to get clothing only from second hand stores | Michigan Messenger

look at my face!!! but my lips are not shut!!!

This senator done lost his mind!!
 he wants our "divine children" (that is you), shopping at second hand stores only?? 
OK I LOVE thrift,
 so i am not arguing that you can find some fabulous items--especially designer--at a lower price...(depending on where you live..NY, LA, PARIS, MN....) 


BUT who is he to "save money" when it comes to raising our future kings and queens---YOU!! ?? this is a case of turning your anger into something positive... i am mad BUT i am going to give you a tip my foster mother gave me, even though i do workshops on this...because of this guy..you get this information now...so listen up...
 To all of my young people who may still be in a group home or foster home, remember: 
how you dress- DOES MAKE  A DIFFERENCE!!! 


GUYS:
Learn to pull up your pants and throw on a button up shirt when your going for a job or college interview!! you could do "metro"..meaning shirt, dress pant, and nice leather shoe/boot..
Ladies:
 lower that skirt a little and button up your blouse so "nothing" skin wise is showing!!
 Guys: 
put on a "shoe or shoe boot (docksiders), even Clark's could work or wallaby's if they are leather but DO NOT wear sneakers or timberlands..(unless it was a construction job or carpenter helper!!! 
Ladies:
...no stelleto's (high heal) only a small heal and let the color be black or navy blue..you can also get away with a pair of slacks, a blouse and a blazer or just the blouse ..if it's nice and elegant enough..we are NOT acting flirtatious, we are acting like we are an asset (a plus) to the company....
not like we will make the company look bad...your reputation is everything on the streets--
well it is everything when your a foster kid, like I was, trying to make it in a world where alot, (not all) of people had parents teach them how to dress, talk, act and had contacts ...
we don't usually have that luxery so we have to step up our game on how we act when we are out in the community---
when you age out or have to move, if you left a good reputation--you can come back to your town, (like i did years later)...and get a job or apartment..
BECAUSE when you left, you left with a good reputation and everyone not only knew you, but thought you were respectful, honest and a good person!! 


HOW PEOPLE SEE YOU, very important!! IF you have a bad reputation now...change it!! 
it will not help you get into college, find the right mate, or get a job!!


(If your under 17...they may let you slide), but i am telling you how to get the job over anyone else---DRESS for success!! (this also works for finding your mate, friends, jobs, college, whatever!!)
If you cannot afford nice  clothes--it does NOT matter--how you put it together and the fact that you are "CLEAN with a good attitude--that's what counts! 


If your group home ever needs me to come and speak to you about dressing and acting for success, I would love to come hit me....with a message!! this is what I do!!! I help you because someone, (many people) helped me!! So i "pay it forward"...(ps. that is a good movie you should ask your counselor to get that)...


for those that left foster care


this all apply's to you accept now you are out of care. 
If you are on a job, you want to stay there so stay sharp not only in dress but all the latest computers, faxes, machines, get to know it all!! 
The more you know..skills u have... in a company, the less likely you will be "laid off".. 
example: if your the only one that knows how to do payroll or other major functions...it makes it harder to let you go if they NEED you, they can only need you if you know ALL the functions that are important to that company!


Smiling and making a difference by contributing to a project...not complaining..


if you are at home with no job,
 its time to get up...atleast 4 days a week, go to the library, sign up for the computer, and redo your resume and your look..


 you dont have to buy new clothes, just look in the magazines to see how you can hook up the outfit..belf, jewelry, scarf, jacket...


whatever you do--stay away from depression...its a mind killer....always tell yourself that you are it" you are worthy and you are special--because you are!! read Anthony Robbins or youtube him!! you will learn something!! 
Watch the DVD the secret..Rhona byrn..
Stay positive and stay in the "know" dont just sit and wait for a job...go get it!! it may take time but with perserverance, hard work and good attitude and networking, you can find one!! 


good luck...and dressing for success, does matter!! 
xo Tanya
smile, someone is watching you, you may save or change a life with that smile!!

problems or challenges

hi blog family!

Real talk- being without family can be a challenge at times. 
Like when you need $50 for gracery's because you had to pay for your medicine..because your insurance did not cover it)..have you ever had that one emergency that could literally make you homeless, carless, foodless, bookless (for you college aged out folk)..or that one time you NEED money to fix a health problem: teeth, antidepressant...whatever...it is a need BUT you don't get help that day... It happens when your on your own.
But I can say this: "this too shall pass"...this is what my foster mother use to tell me when i thought things were bad....all things change..
remember that and know that to have your health, sanity and choice of freedom....freedom to start a business making earrings or scarves next week!
you have choice, health to start a business cleaning cars or detailing for cars, you have a choice to start your babysitting service for poor mothers in your area...Don't ever think that you cannot get through a tuff time, the key is to stick it out!! Bad can't stay that way forever, even bad gets tired....
I know you will have ruff days but we all do, without family you may have to stick it out al little longer, but remember this builds charector and you will be the type of person that has gradtitude when you do have...don't envy or be jelouse of others who have family that bail them out- be grateful that you have a chance to be bailed out by the universe- because all things in this life change and be grateful for what you have today...

you are loved, special and needed xo Tanya

looking for a sibiling?

hi blog family!

As you all know I have been searching for my baby brother Mark for years.
He was adotpted to a family of doctors in Elmsford, NY when he was around 3 years old.

 I know he had a sister and his new parents were african american and they were doctors..atleast one parent was...
I share this with you because if you are seperated from your siblings you should never give up trying to find them.
 1. they could live local (my brother was less than 15 miles away
2. you may end up marrying your sibling if you don't know them!!
3. they could save your life one day if you need blood or bone marrow...i'm just saying...

I can never date a guy named mark that is light skinned, red afro or freckles...because that may be my baby brother!!
 It is sad that I have to guess if that is my brother in a club or have to tell my kid "that could be your uncle"...
I think with age progression he would look like chris brown or micheal ealy...
but I have not seen him since he was 3...
now I look exactly the same as I did at 3 (from pics I saw previously)... so does my other siblings...one in which has died)...so I suspect he will look the same...
 but for now I must guess until I have the luxery of hiring a private detective...

I use to go to the house in Elmsford, NY for weekly visits and I know it is 5 minutes from paul bunion statue at the gas station.... but my memory fails to find the little white house with the porch....

perhaps it is not time to find him yet, but I will never give up and neither should you. We should not have to stop loving a sibling because they are adopted, we should be given a choice by the adopted parent to keep in touch or get updates every year...why not?
 I am sure he wants to know what we look like.
I am grateful if he is with a loving family...and I remember them as such...but it would have been nice, if someone, even the agency would have updated us on his life..even if we could not see him...
If you adopt please keep this in mind: we never stop loving our sibilings...even if they are taken away for a good reason..

thanks for loving our siblings xo
Tanya

what am i grateful for?

Hi blog family!

glad you are amongst the living!! Remember every waking day is a day to reflect and move forward with positive change!
Today's question: What are you grateful for today??
Don't tell me you have nothing--even if your in a shelter, broke, have one leg, I can find SOMETHING to be grateful for!!
Try...YOUR LIFE!! Some did not wake today-you did, so that is one thing. What about your health, can you walk, talk and read? That is alot. The universe is plentiful and it will always give you what you deserve--IF you put effort and thought into what you want! Good things will not happen by accident, it will be because of willpower, preserverance and endurance, all of which you have, since you surivived foster care!
I pray that you will understand your role on this earth for the new year, study your gifts and talents and see how they made you who you are AND see how you can use them this year to not only bring you more financial success but to help others in foster care...If we all reach back for the 500,000 in care, there  won't be anyone left one day... keep moving forward for the new year, don't dwell on past mistakes or negative people, places or things! You have divine purpose and know that the universe is waiting for you to make your mark!! Pratice being grateful for what you have and "feeling" good for it and you will gain more! xo Tanya

advice for those layed off

Hi blog family!
I see the headlines are not looking the most cheerful--don't worry--all things change as each day passes.
I talked to five more people this week that was laid off of their jobs.
 I use to feel sad and think OMG! but now I think what if the universe is trying to lead you to something better? What if you have some talent that you are not using to help others...(sing, dance, write, draw, clean, talk whatever)...
Now that you are laid off you have time to sit and think:
 what do I do so well that no one else can or everyone ask me to do "that"?

Maybe its time to start your own day care service with just two kids untl you get your liscence, i am sure you can find a single mother that needs a dependaple person to care for her kids while she is at work> Maybe its time to start your jewelery business, your friends are always buying your earrings and requesting you make more,..

maybe its time to write that screenplay you dreamed of, especially now that you can you tube for free how to write a screenplay or anything else you need to know (study french, write a novel whatever--its on youtube!!)
Don't view being laid off as the worse, even if you have to move out of your fancy apartment, maybe there is a better one waiting.

The point is its all on you, find your gifts and talents, perfect them and then figure out how to make money off of them. Sell your items dooor to door, it worked for our parents--without marketing.

 THis is a big universe and there are plenty of opportunity's waiting for you--if you wake up and realize your dream--not the boss you worked for for all those years, giving him/her all your time, being away from your kids, missing out on writing, while they earned the big profits--

make your own profits and remember because you are the boss now,

save your money for retirement!!
Stay focused and true to you and follow your dream, it is why your here and it will guide you to what you need to be doing and who you need to be helping,
 xo Tanya