Hi blog family!
La mia Famiglia!
As many of you who have been in the system know..sometimes, even when your older, you long to be adopted or belong to a family.
Money/inheritance has nothing to do with it many have said.
It is the fact that we are human and ALL human beings have a need to belong.
Unfortunately, when your parents give you away or leave you when your young, this sense never gets met. I believe there is no greater love than a mothers.... or someone like a mother...
If you are like me and had no "home" to go to for the holiday like the other kids did in the group home on the weekends, you may still feel lonely on holidays, birthdays or when you see a nice family enjoying each other.
NO WORRY"S!! Good news is.....this feeling can be lessened.
1st. NEVER be jealous of ANYONE for ANYTHING--especially when you see a great family!
feel happy for them, and pray they appreciate each other!!
Jealousy is NEVER a good trait.
Why?
Because all you do is envy that person, place or thing and you do so much envying, you never get your own!! Now that you are leaving or have left, its all about YOUR life and what YOU need, if you worrying about what they have, you miss your blessings AND you don't focus on things like: how can I make a better family than my parents did? how can I raise my kids with more responsibility and action in there life that will leave a good legacy??
Remember if you are in foster care, God (or the universe (for those who are not religious, i must respect that).. You have another purpose, that is NOT the same as the kid with two parents!!!
Pay attention to why you are placed in THAT home, it may be the difference between you thinking it was "just a home" and you knowing why "that" home was chosen by the universe!!
perhaps your group home counselor (like my last one when I got signed back to a group home at 18), will change your views enough to change your life! Maybe your foster mother, (like mine) is a minister and you help type up sermons (OK... lol..this was before Mac's")..and now you become the best public speaker, from watching her!!
You never know but i can assure you just like you have divine purpose, so does your group home parent, foster parent or special counselors and social workers!!
If you grew up with no family, by now you should know:
You can choose good friends who love and cherish you...
how will u know?
because they reciprocate (look that word up please)..they give back to you, just as much as you give!!! These friends are loyal, loving, and would NEVER do anything to harm you, your health or your sanity!!
These are the people you unofficially adopt as family!! I have many friends from other Country's that have no family here, I always have their backs because, I know how that feels!
I have a few friends that I can call on if I am hungry, angry, sad or need a hug, the same role family would play!!
It is wise to choose GOOD friends!
Don't ever be desperate to just "hang" with anyone...you are special and you should only surround yourself around special people!!
To get out of "NOT" liking holidays and birthdays....throw a party!!!
Yes, with whatever, whoever you have...buy yourself something special on your day or the holiday....if you want your friends to do it that's OK but you should be the same friend that you want!!
Life is one big lesson, you made it out and those who are in, your are able to read this blog, so your good, you are learning how to be a better you! You should always be happy for others with family and you should be choosing good friends that can fill those roles for you in a healthy way....(not gangs) gangs is a false love that almost always ends with handicap, revenge, turf wars, jail or the morgue....Anyone who loves you, will not have you murder, steal or lie...that's real talk!
This is your life, make good rules for yourself and find the key people you need in your life to help you grow as a person....you are loved, special and smile, somebody is watching you- you may save or change a life!!! xo Tanya
La mia Famiglia!my family! Meine famille! ma famille! mijn famille!mnha familia!MOR cembeR!
Since my brothers death, there are times I feel alone but thankfully, I have my girls and a host of good friends and neighbors!!!
As many of you who have been in the system know..sometimes, even when your older, you long to be adopted or belong to a family.
Money/inheritance has nothing to do with it many have said.
It is the fact that we are human and ALL human beings have a need to belong.
Unfortunately, when your parents give you away or leave you when your young, this sense never gets met. I believe there is no greater love than a mothers.... or someone like a mother...
If you are like me and had no "home" to go to for the holiday like the other kids did in the group home on the weekends, you may still feel lonely on holidays, birthdays or when you see a nice family enjoying each other.
NO WORRY"S!! Good news is.....this feeling can be lessened.
1st. NEVER be jealous of ANYONE for ANYTHING--especially when you see a great family!
feel happy for them, and pray they appreciate each other!!
Jealousy is NEVER a good trait.
Why?
Because all you do is envy that person, place or thing and you do so much envying, you never get your own!! Now that you are leaving or have left, its all about YOUR life and what YOU need, if you worrying about what they have, you miss your blessings AND you don't focus on things like: how can I make a better family than my parents did? how can I raise my kids with more responsibility and action in there life that will leave a good legacy??
Remember if you are in foster care, God (or the universe (for those who are not religious, i must respect that).. You have another purpose, that is NOT the same as the kid with two parents!!!
Pay attention to why you are placed in THAT home, it may be the difference between you thinking it was "just a home" and you knowing why "that" home was chosen by the universe!!
perhaps your group home counselor (like my last one when I got signed back to a group home at 18), will change your views enough to change your life! Maybe your foster mother, (like mine) is a minister and you help type up sermons (OK... lol..this was before Mac's")..and now you become the best public speaker, from watching her!!
You never know but i can assure you just like you have divine purpose, so does your group home parent, foster parent or special counselors and social workers!!
If you grew up with no family, by now you should know:
You can choose good friends who love and cherish you...
how will u know?
because they reciprocate (look that word up please)..they give back to you, just as much as you give!!! These friends are loyal, loving, and would NEVER do anything to harm you, your health or your sanity!!
These are the people you unofficially adopt as family!! I have many friends from other Country's that have no family here, I always have their backs because, I know how that feels!
I have a few friends that I can call on if I am hungry, angry, sad or need a hug, the same role family would play!!
It is wise to choose GOOD friends!
Don't ever be desperate to just "hang" with anyone...you are special and you should only surround yourself around special people!!
To get out of "NOT" liking holidays and birthdays....throw a party!!!
Yes, with whatever, whoever you have...buy yourself something special on your day or the holiday....if you want your friends to do it that's OK but you should be the same friend that you want!!
Life is one big lesson, you made it out and those who are in, your are able to read this blog, so your good, you are learning how to be a better you! You should always be happy for others with family and you should be choosing good friends that can fill those roles for you in a healthy way....(not gangs) gangs is a false love that almost always ends with handicap, revenge, turf wars, jail or the morgue....Anyone who loves you, will not have you murder, steal or lie...that's real talk!
This is your life, make good rules for yourself and find the key people you need in your life to help you grow as a person....you are loved, special and smile, somebody is watching you- you may save or change a life!!! xo Tanya
two people missing since this pic was taken that I found and love, my sister and my nephews!!!
ReplyDeleteYou need to differentiate between jealousy and envy. Jealousy is bad when it becomes envy. For the all good can state "I am a jealous god", but not "I am an envious god." Jealousness is not bad unless it becomes enviousness as well. Enviousness is a bad trait, jealousness is not.
ReplyDeleteMano šeimyna!
pls note: I clearly understand the difference between jelous and envy, I think its human to have jelous feelings IF you are not trained by your caregiver/parents to suppress them and turn it into "so happy for you" feelings! As Mano stated "GOD" is a jealous God" BUT we are not god and some (because of past abuse by priest etc..) do not believe. I think a creator would have the right to be "jelous" - I don't feel "WE" as humans should love this trait, as it has caused many problems in the world...now everyone wants to keep up with the Jones"...If you are happy with what YOU have, you can get more, if your worried about the next man/woman..you waste time and energy because it will not bring you what they have, it MAY motivate you to do better (and that can be "good) but I focus on ME not what others have, my life is simpler, the blog is to bring attention to the little things NO one thinks about, after effects of foster care or being raised without caregivers that love and teach..thanks for the comment- :)
ReplyDeletepls not Jealous" is spelled wrong in my last comment.. If you are a person that looks for everything wrong, nothing will be right!!! lol.... focus on content/message - I do not claim to be a scholor, I am a person who experience foster care, AS IS!! and I write, as is!! what I know and what I THINK will help others who went through the system or are in, nothing is EVER to hurt anyone but help growth for the future...:)
ReplyDeleteI went into foster care at a later age. For me it wasn't jealousy or envy I felt I just couldn't understand how a real family functioned. Seeing a family together getting along and wanting to do things together really confused me.
ReplyDeletethank you Imafoster, i just had a discussion or two this week on how many kids in group homes are adoptable-your honesty is real and i thank you for sharing! T
ReplyDelete