Pictures are worth a thousand words

Hi blog family!

Do you have any pictures of yourself as a kid? Well if your like me, probably not. Although i was lucky enough to see some before my birth grandma died, I did not have any before foster care. My foster mother did take some and the school took one every year from 7-18 but, a house fire destroyed all the photo's, so i have my senior picture, some old modeling pictures and photo's after 21..

Pictures are crucial to preserving your history. I love to view photo's of friends and family's, it tells alot. You can see how people dressed during that time, if they were happy, sad or distant. photo's reveal alot about a person and their history.
If you don't have any pictures of yourself it's ok, start today taking pictures of yourself, your family and your friends or places you have been. It is never too late to record for the future!
When we are long gone from this earth, a picture will share our story, even if there is no name on it, it can say alot. It is important for your grandchildren or nieces and other family to have a record that you were here, a picture or video is great for that. so next time someone says smile for the camera, don't shy away you are recording a piece of history, you!
Don't dwell on what you don't have, start taking pictures or video of you now. vacations, special graduations, click, click, click!!
xo Tanya

Edurance

Hi blog family!

I know life sometimes throws us funny curve balls and if we don't play, we get hit! 

When you get hit, you want to stop playing because you are hurt and you realize, you may get hit again...UNLESS you keep playing until you become good at it!

I feel this way about life, you must keep pressing on, no matter how many times you get hurt or fall down, as long as you are trying, you can never fail..failure is not an option. 

This is your life and your destiny and you can endure any test given.. 

How do you know you say? 

Because you are still breathing, walking, talking, of sane mind, = still needed by the universe to help others.. 

everyday gets better and when that day is bad tell yourself and believe the next will be better, and when that does not work,,, 

know and be happy you are alive and thinking, which means anything can happen at anytime. 

The universe ie..God (to some), is always fighting FOR you and sending you ways to keep going, listen and stay focused on your life goals...NEVER GIVE UP, especially when it is hard, that's usually when you are about to break through!"

Keeping faith

Hi, thanks for visiting.
 I hope you saw the article in the journal news today!
I am thankful that there are good people and news mediums, that will help others spread a message of hope to others, thanks Journal news, just when i thought no one cared about others helping others, my faith is restored!
 So blog family...i wrote a piece for thought today because often ALL are tested in life, especially those without family it seems.....be patient I am working on some things, some i cannot share until my book "Surviving Foster Care & Making it Work for YOu" come out..soon..

KEEPING FAITH


There will be those days Just when you have been through all you can stand.
Your temper will be tested.
patience will be minimal.
survival will seem impossible. I say to you...HOLD ON...
Keeping faith is important if you want to stay ahead of defeat.
Yes, again, self doubt and doubt of others will always creep in but you must remain steadfast!
Think of all before you who had no food, no home, no love, no mental capacity left...Keep faith in something other than yourself. When you are low and all your tears have fallen, faith will pick you back up!
know that you are special, and needed for change in someone's life...
Tanya

Do ou need therapy??

If you are at least 30 OR you have had any kids by now all childhood issues should be resurfacing...

I had a friend say to me when my child hood abuse resurfaced:
"whatever childhood issues you have not resolved by the time your 30, will haunt you like a ghost!"
 It took me years to understand what she was saying, but now I do and i want to share with you, especially if you were in foster care or come from an abusive or crazy home!
The point of this sharing is so that you can start your life, the way you want and be happy. Everyone deserves a quality life!
I will give you a warning: some of this may require you to do at a therapist, (especially if you are Bipolar or on Medication for depression or if you get down when you talk or remember your past).
It is ok to stop reading or print this out and bring with you to discuss later!
You are strong and you are now an adult, which means you survived and you are in charge now! Learning to talk or write your feelings down will help you live without medication and be honest with yourself, no longer having to cover for family or anyone who mistreated you.

1. Do you suffer from depression, (besides being sad when you don't have money or you did not get the job.)?
2. Are you always complaining, especially about certain people, family, friend, love, mate?
3. Do you do things to put yourself in danger; cutting, binge eating, not eating, attracting mates that beat you or call you out of your name?
4. Do you feel this sadness never goes away, are you always gloomy?
5. was your parents or careiver gloomy, mean, bad?
6. how do you feel about YOU? good bad ok etc..
These are just some questions that you have to truley answer to find if you have isues from childhood, THEY DO NOT HAVE TO BE SEXUAL or PYSICAL ABUSE! IT could have been mental, the way someone expected too much or too little or favored a sibling over you, all of these can effect you in adult hood, question is is it stopping you from everyday life? Dating? being a good parent, who is not yelling 90% of the tim, or a good friend who can interact with others and give as well as recieve advice, etc..??
ask yourself if anything happend in your childhood that made you upset, angry or depressed, (not because you did not get something or minor regular childhood woes...) whatever it was made you hold a grudge, that you have not let go of...
See if you need therapy, you can always just go talk for a few sessions and let them evaluate you...i want you to know this is your life and its all about you!
clean up ANY skeleton's and move on!
 Life is waiting for you and all you have to offer, share what gifts you have and help others ; painting, singing, writing, oranizing, etc....
get help if you need it, there is no excuse for staying in the past, you cannot move forward until you prosseced what  happen, why and how it effected you today.
We all have problems, lets say we all carry LUGGAGE, i carry a Louis Vitton, the best, don't walk around in life carrying a backpack or cheap bag, it may break, carry your past in something that will hold up during bad weather and lots of milage,
life is to be a long trip!
 xo Tanya

Am I sad or is someone trying to steal my joy??

Hi ALL!

Ever had a day where you smiled and carried on nicely to the public but as soon as someone tried to bring you down, you realize, inside you felt and impending doom about to lurk and your heart was sickend with sadness?
 I wonder if people without family often feel this gloom...
 or every now and again or like me, only when reminded by selfish human beings!
...like when you run into a nasty person or someone who says "you won't be happy for long"...or when you are sitting in silence thinking about the state of the world and how you can make it better... someone did a happy drive by today on me and boy i am still feeling this gloom, i know that person was just a particle in the universe but they sure made me go back and switch from my usual happy mode! I think people should be happy that someone else is happy, especially when they could easily, with reason, fall into the gloom catagory on a daily basis! Perhaps i am being too sensitive, losing a siblling and all....NOT...the only time I am not happy, is when people try to make other people feel bad for spreading kindness or love with a smile....that ticks me off and now i must digress for a moment.....



 i often try to tell people: "be kind to everyone, you may save or change a life, you never know what kind of day that person had".

 . just look at my logic:
there are people who have no food,
someone just found out they have terminal cancer,
lost a sibling,
 mate,
parent or
  friend,
others who barely escaped earthquakes
and those who have NO family
 and nothing to show them the next minute is always better than the last, and gloom will pass if you hold on...some people, like Marie Osmonds son or Alexander Mcqueen, did not make it today...we are alive and well...
 and this person was complaining over a bag !!??
  I have found a few people to be highly direspectful,
wanting to bring you down a notch, (if your happy),
rude and treating others like a door mat and ungrateful. In some parts of Europe, (germany), they charge 25 cents per bag and in London (Nottinghill) they charge, here the lady was not even caring how lucky we were to not only have bags, (and we are the largest earth destroyers, tree killers etc)..but double bags and plastic! How selfish not to think some people don't even have a home or choice...
what did I do to "bring it back?
 go put on some ocean sounds through youtube and lied down and regroup, this world is crazy right now and you need to do ALOT of regrouping to stay focused.
 I share this with you so that you know i am like every other person, just a little more open...
I advise you to do lots of regrouping and meditating or if you pray, stay prayed up, the devil is busy. I am trying to save souls and lives not kill love, spirits and dreams!!
please be kind to someone today, you are loved, blessed and here to help somebody...peace to you
I know i have not been blogging daily, i am putting finishing touches on my book, stay tuned and stay focused!! xo Tanya

Fostering relationships after foster care

today i will share this with you and then the purple project.com- feel free to comment.

Before being in care some of us had to endure our parents drug use or ill mental health.

 Often times we had to worry about who was coming to visit, if someone was going to hurt us or if we could trust that person. Often, we could not.

 Being in an unstable home causes children to grow into worrying adults who end up with OCD or ulcers. 

Life before foster care can be hard and we are blessed to have lived to tell our stories.

 In reality we never learned to foster good relationships that bring out the best in us and make us want to be open and loving to others. As a child we may have "built a wall" as a "defense mechanism, (a way to protect our selves). You learned to drop friends and mates easily because you had no choice - you had to move again!

 While in foster care many of us had to move to a new place, hindering our chance of making long term friends or having time to learn trust! 

While building a wall of protection may have worked as a child constantly on the move in foster care, it is no longer working in adult hood and may be costing you relationships.

Have you been in a good relationship; friend or mate, and after a while you start sabotaging without realizing it?

not comfortable with too many hugs

feeling lonely in a room full of people?

Have not had a date in years, and could care less if you do, although you deserve and want love?

I believe these are all signs that you need to relearn how to build relationships.

Some of the ways to start over;;;

1. look at all of your relationships and ask yourself are you giving your all and is your partner. (quite often we will find mates that DONOT love us as much as we love them or they are unemotionally available....perfect for someone who does not want to get too close to anyone...

2. ask your friend or mate how they feel about your relationship, is anything missing, are you doing your share, (open communication, advice when needed, an ear when needed, a hug when needed and a chance to learn and grow as a person.

3. Your friends & mate should bring out the best in you. When you are around them you should feel safe, and know that they will not let you down like your family did, (until someone give's you reasons not to trust or open up, you should take a chance, you cannot exercise your judgement capabilities without practice - and that comes with meeting new people and taking a chance on trusting they are in your life because they value something about you and can grow from a relationship with you.

4. It takes years to get your trust skills back, just like it took years for you to stop trusting the parent who never came back or the parent that hurt you, kids are very trusting but after a while they put up a wall and into adulthood, that wall becomes an obstacle for a mate or a friend who was just trying to give you the love you deserve

let me know some of your experiences and i will try to facilitate positive feedback. -

" be kind to someone today, you may change or save a life", Tanya Cooper

STOP WORRYING, START LIVING YOUR LIFE!!

HI BLOG FAMILY! OK TODAY'S TOPIC:

WORRYING....STOP IT!

I KNOW WE HAVE TO PAY BILLS, EAT, PROVIDE FOR OUR SELF OR FAMILY BUT AT THE END OF THE DAY WORRY CAN LEAD TO SICKNESS SO WHY DO IT?

WHEN U HAVE A PROBLEM:

1. THINK OF THE WORSE SCENARIO

2. WHAT CAN U DO TO CHANGE IT?

3. IF YOU CAN DO IT, IF YOU CAN'T, WHY WORRY IT WILL NOT CHANGE THE PROBLEM!

IN FACT, IT WILL MAKE IT WORSE BECAUSE NOW ITS ALL U THINK ABOUT AND YOU BUILD ANXIETY...AND THAT CAN LEAD TO A PANIC ATTACK! WORRY IS POINTLESS, ESPECIALLY IF U CANNOT CHANGE IT, EITHER YOU CAN OR YOU CAN YOU WILL OR YOU WON'T, YOU NEED IT OR YOU CAN LIE WITHOUT IT.. KILL THE WORRY WART IN YOU. I KNOW FOSTER KIDS WHO BECOME ADULTS TEND TO WORRY BECAUSE THEIR WHOLE CHILDHOOD WAS SPENT WONDERING WHERE THE NEXT MEAL WAS COMING FROM, IF MOMMY WAS HIGH, IF WE WERE HOMELESS, IF SOMEONE WAS GOING TO VIOLATE, ALL VALID REASONS FOR WORRY, BUT NOW YOU ARE GROWN, NO ONE CAN HURT U UNLESS U ALLOW IT, U CAN ALWAYS GET FOOD FROM THE PANTRY OR CHURCH AND THEIR ARE SHELTERS EVERYWHERE IF NOT COME TO NY, THEY WILL HELP U OUT! U HAVE NO NEED TO WORRY NOW. YOUR LIFE CAN ONLY CHANGE IF U MAKE CHANGES, IF U NEED MORE $ GET A 2ND JOB, BABYSIT IF U HAVE TO MANY KIDS TO LEAVE YOUR HOME, WORK AT A FOOD STORE CASHIERING, WAITRESS, (GREAT TIPS), JUST DON'T COMPLAIN UNTIL YOU HAVE NETWORKED OR DID ALL STEPS TO MAKE A CHANGE AND STOP WORRYING... WE ARE ALL NEEDED, ENJOY THIS LIFE, STOP WORRYING AND START LIVING A HAPPY LIFE. XO TANYA

PS. I SUGGEST U READ DALE CARENGE, HOW TO STOP WORRYING, THIS BOOK CONFIRMED ALOT OF WHAT I KNEW ABOUT WORRYING AND AS AN EXFOSTER CHILD OR ANYONE WITH PAST ISSUES, IT REALLY CAN CHANGE YOUR LIFE!

someone tried to steal my joy...

Hi blog family:
another day has come and gone and life is good if you are amongst the living... I will be short today.

Sometimes life is going great, even in the mist of chaos and your at your job and some person decides to try and test your happiness.
 I had a guy that was so rude, i cried!!
My boss said the guy was a jerk, as she had witnessed him trying to talk down to me, but i cried like a baby...not because of what he said but because he actually wanted to hurt someone's feelings and did! I instantly saw how there are people who do this all day...make others miserable!!
I know, i should not have let him steal my joy but do you ever get tired of getting up every morning cranking out a smile and kind word for everyone who will listen, even when your in pain, and then some rude person kills the moment? They look for an interior motive for my happiness, it's LIFE!!!!I am breathing, thinking, loving etc...
I don't know why i am so happy, i just know i put on a happy face 95% because i may change one person's day for the better.
 Can a person be too happy? I am searching for answers but only come up with; alot of people are miserable and don't want to see you happy if they are not...
 I could be wrong but if I could tell you how many people ask me why am I so happy a day....I don't understand i thought people were soppose to be happy and since happiness is contagious, i want to spread it like wild fire!
Well i see nothing wrong with being friendly or smiling and i will continue to do so,  without a major motive,
I can't imagine getting out of bed any other way...after years of being sad, i decided happy is better!
LIfe is too short and I want to be happy here and be known as a happy person who enjoyed life, when i am gone....is anything wrong with that? I think not...smile and be kind to someone today, you may save a life...
you are loved and needed, Tanya

when the world is chaotic, listen with silence..

 hello again.

 I had a great day.

 Looking out my window now, the snow is beautiful! At work

 There were lots of people, chaotic, lots of talking, music, sirens. 

At times i could find myself struggeling to hear my own voice. 

 Often we find ourselves in situations where life is very busy: you must pay bills, talk on the phone, 

face book, email, feed yourself or your family,  clean, 

and when do you have time to hear your answers? 

Unless you take time out for yourself, i am sure it is rare. 

I set aside 45 minutes on sundays but you can listen in 15 minutes if that's all the time you can spare. 

I just want you to remember you spent most of your life doing for others or doing because you had no choice, now is your time and you can do whatever you will IF you listen to yourself. 

THat means sitting in complete silence for a certain amount of time each day, pondering what is good or bad, what needs to be done, what can wait.

 Know that you are always in charge of your life, therefore you must make time for YOU! 

THe world will go on if you ignore it,  and think of your self just for a moment to get your clarity. After doing this for months or years it will become 2nd nature and you will make others honor you silent time. 

God and the universe are always talking to us, telling us, leading us, bur rarely do we listen, we are much too busy. 

When the world is chaotic you can still find peace and calm, in silence....

you are loved, special and much needed, xo Tanya

Self Doubt comes creeping back in....

Pst....over here...feelin kinda low?

Has self doubt found its way back into your life? Just when you thought you had it all under control!

There are times in an ex fosterkids life, or heck anyone's life these days, when self doubt comes back to haunt you. 

How could this happen, I planned carefully, I have food, shelter, LOVE, or so I thought i did!

What happend to a sure future? There really isn't one these days. The economy is a mess, no one can find jobs, even with a college degree and contacts, and frankly no one looks out for anyone anymore!

I realized you have to constantly reinforce your confidence, like every hour, or you could slide down the slippery slope of human doom and gloom!

I was so happy the other day, started thinking of my brother and what life would be like if he were still here....I decided nothing would change.  Self doubt crept in...."I have no family" a voice said to me. Then comes the tears and the what's the point thoughts, then came a thought:

Sometimes we are dealt awful family, career or life  choices, but we have to make the best of them.

 My brother was my only link to "family" everyone else has unofficially adopted me to an extent. 

I have long wished for a family that is close and always together, i see now i will have to marry a guy who has a large family and is very dedicated to his family.

 I thought because my brother is gone i have no one, but I have my two girls, even though one is off on her own and rarely swings in, (she hates the burbs)... But I will keep hope alive and tell the doubt to: shut up, I have no time for you! 

I knew what i was in for being a foster kid...no family... loneliness in a crowd: having two kids helped but i am still missing uncles, grandma, aunts, etc...

for now i will have to keep reminding myself of my purpose, to help other foster kids.

 It took years for me to get here, without medication and with lots of help and angels!

 I know i was one out of hundreds who made it with their minds in tac. 

Self doubt is just a human factor- 

it can be worse if your parents gave you up or you have no family.

 Family

 usually is the one who comes to your rescue when you cannot paddle the boat of life anymore, 

they throw you a life preserve 

or you hold on to the side of their boat until the storm passes. 

Without family you have to create your own life preserve, 

I tend to call on my guardian angels daily! 

I ask them to protect me from the evils of this world,

 I tell them to make me feel i am always loved though someone or something,

 I ask them to keep me away from danger and guide me toward love and kindness, 

lastly i listen to them tell me daily: You Are loved, special and with purpose, and then i know i can go on without doubt!

by: Tanya C

This is for all of those who grew up in foster care or may be there now, keep self doubt out and know that you are loved, we all have doubts, just don't let it linger...xo

you are loved, special and blessed, be kind to someone this week, especially a kid!