Fostering relationships after foster care

today i will share this with you and then the purple project.com- feel free to comment.

Before being in care some of us had to endure our parents drug use or ill mental health.

 Often times we had to worry about who was coming to visit, if someone was going to hurt us or if we could trust that person. Often, we could not.

 Being in an unstable home causes children to grow into worrying adults who end up with OCD or ulcers. 

Life before foster care can be hard and we are blessed to have lived to tell our stories.

 In reality we never learned to foster good relationships that bring out the best in us and make us want to be open and loving to others. As a child we may have "built a wall" as a "defense mechanism, (a way to protect our selves). You learned to drop friends and mates easily because you had no choice - you had to move again!

 While in foster care many of us had to move to a new place, hindering our chance of making long term friends or having time to learn trust! 

While building a wall of protection may have worked as a child constantly on the move in foster care, it is no longer working in adult hood and may be costing you relationships.

Have you been in a good relationship; friend or mate, and after a while you start sabotaging without realizing it?

not comfortable with too many hugs

feeling lonely in a room full of people?

Have not had a date in years, and could care less if you do, although you deserve and want love?

I believe these are all signs that you need to relearn how to build relationships.

Some of the ways to start over;;;

1. look at all of your relationships and ask yourself are you giving your all and is your partner. (quite often we will find mates that DONOT love us as much as we love them or they are unemotionally available....perfect for someone who does not want to get too close to anyone...

2. ask your friend or mate how they feel about your relationship, is anything missing, are you doing your share, (open communication, advice when needed, an ear when needed, a hug when needed and a chance to learn and grow as a person.

3. Your friends & mate should bring out the best in you. When you are around them you should feel safe, and know that they will not let you down like your family did, (until someone give's you reasons not to trust or open up, you should take a chance, you cannot exercise your judgement capabilities without practice - and that comes with meeting new people and taking a chance on trusting they are in your life because they value something about you and can grow from a relationship with you.

4. It takes years to get your trust skills back, just like it took years for you to stop trusting the parent who never came back or the parent that hurt you, kids are very trusting but after a while they put up a wall and into adulthood, that wall becomes an obstacle for a mate or a friend who was just trying to give you the love you deserve

let me know some of your experiences and i will try to facilitate positive feedback. -

" be kind to someone today, you may change or save a life", Tanya Cooper