feeling fustrated again..?

FEELING FRUSTRATED-LIKE YOU LET YOURSELF DOWN? WHEN I STARTED MODELING I OFTEN HAD TO LIE TO MYSELF UNTIL I BELIEVED I WAS BEAUTIFUL- modeling was a great plus for my ego, i felt that even if I was "ugly"- like my abusers told me for years - atleast I was getting paid for it! I will give you a few tips I use until this day when i get down on myself. First - it is hard being a single parent trying to be in entertainment and be a great mom! Like everyone I have days when I think I am procrastinating or just not believing in myself anymore for whatever reason BUT I know how to talk myself right out of it!

1. tell yourself something good about you talent/self EVERYDAY until you believe it

2. practice-research your craft until you are the best at it- so good few can ever question your talent!

3. find a mentor-someone doing it bigger than you- get advice on how they made it through ruff times

I know sometimes when you can't see the financial payoff for your talent-

4.doubt creeps in or "what if questions- drop them from your mind!

remember: God did not bring you this far-to leave you-

5.NEVER GIVE UP! keep going-especially when its ruff-that means your break through is coming...

you can never fail-as long as you keep going- you can have a detour- but that is not a fail! God does everything in his time and the universe will ALWAYS support you if you are doing what god put you here for!!

You are blessed, loved- go smile and save a life!! xo Tanya

Speak up for yourself!

Hi blog family!

As a foster child I am sure you were not allowed to have to much of an opinion. I often had to listen to adults make decisions for me, adults who did not know me at all!
Now that I am older I have learned- You are your best advocate!
When something is bothering you. When someone is bothering you. When a situation is making you think way too much---SPEAK UP FOR YOURSELF!!!

Often, people will take advantage of quiet soft spoken people because----they know they can!
 If you are known as a person that will not sit and "take it"...you  are more likely to have less people using, manipulating, or walking over you.
This could apply to a situation: example: your inlaws always want you to cook for the holidays---and you hate it or did it because you knew you were the better cook and you wanted to please your inlaws..
Example solution: tell your inlaws you are NOT cooking this year but you will bring one dish, (or you would like to rest this year). when you say it, say it firm and factly---not like you are not sure.. speak with a voice of sureness not in a tone that will make them charm you into doing it after all.

example: Your friends want you to pay for dinner or drinks---and you do most of the time...
example solution: call them BEFORE you go out: let them know you are only bringing $ for yourself and you will not be paying anyone's way! Stick to your guns, don't feel SORRY for your broke friend, that is her issue, not yours, going out is a leisure event not something to survive, let them buy their own drinks or food, you are not their caretaker!!
last example: your doctor tells you to take a new medicine that has side effects
Solution: Just because someone has a MD or PHD does not mean they are correct! They are making an "educated" guess! You know yourself (or should) better than your doctor, find out the name of the medicine and illness, go on google and research findings on the illness and medicines for it, then decide, unless you are in a life threatning situation. Most of the doctors that are in "medical" group situations appear to have deals with the pharmacutical companies, that does not mean it is best..research or you could end up dead--but better yet, let your doctor know what your concerns are and why-you can only do that with research. If your doctor has no clue of what you are talking about: for instance: my allergist wanted me to take an asthma medicine that has "a black box" warning which overall means IT COULD KILL BLACK PATIENTS instantly!!! They do not tell you this so I researched, including medical journals, and found that I was right there has been "sudden death" when several people used this pump...there was an "explanation" (having to do with the steroids in or not in drug) BUT my doctor never told me, even after I told him i don't like pumps...after I expressed my concerns and showed him the data I had on that pump...he admitted i was right--but the "chances are small"---YA THINK!!! small to whom---me=my life! I told him I would not take any "chance" on dropping dead.
If I had not spoke up....who knows..but i had to say something.

It may feel strange speaking up for yourself after years of letting your agency or even a controlling family make decisions for you but you have to learn--yes you can learn to take charge and make your own choices:
1. When you are faced with making a decision--think it through, take a walk or sleep on it, (if you have time). What is good if I do or don't do? how will it effect me: good/bad? can I live with this choice?

2. Practice!
Every chance you get--make a decision or voice your opinions or concerns--you can do it without yelling, being mean or bossy. In fact if I am telling someone "NO" or why I cannot do something, I try to say it in a calm, low, solid voice. If they respond yelling, I walk away or let them know i am not the one to talk to in that tone....you can make your own choices--without anyone's help, top executives do it all the time! Even if the choice was not the greatest--live with it and learn from it--the world did not end because you made a error?? next....
3. Listen to your 6th sence or inner voice!
when you hear a voice or your heart tells you what to do--do it!
Don't 2nd guess and don't ask for anyone's advice if you want to learn to make YOUR own decisions!
Your 6th sense is your "gut" feeling. Often we don't listen to it as kids or adults and that is probably why we never listen to it later, often causing us hardship later: ( bad divorce..when you first met your ex--someting told you not to date him--you did anyway! and now..divorce.. when you got in trouble...something told you not to go to that place or be with that friend...but you did and got in trouble or was injured because you went.... LISTEN to your gut, instinct, 6th sense, whatever you call it, it usually will not lead you wrong!
4. Confidence! Have confidence in you and know that only you know what is good for you! If you are mentally challenged, this may be tough and you may need help but barring that fact, You are in charge of You!...
ahoy captain!!!xo Tanya

Self Doubt comes creeping back in....

Pst....over here...feelin kinda low?

Has self doubt found its way back into your life? Just when you thought you had it all under control!

There are times in an ex fosterkids life, or heck anyone's life these days, when self doubt comes back to haunt you. 

How could this happen, I planned carefully, I have food, shelter, LOVE, or so I thought i did!

What happend to a sure future? There really isn't one these days. The economy is a mess, no one can find jobs, even with a college degree and contacts, and frankly no one looks out for anyone anymore!

I realized you have to constantly reinforce your confidence, like every hour, or you could slide down the slippery slope of human doom and gloom!

I was so happy the other day, started thinking of my brother and what life would be like if he were still here....I decided nothing would change.  Self doubt crept in...."I have no family" a voice said to me. Then comes the tears and the what's the point thoughts, then came a thought:

Sometimes we are dealt awful family, career or life  choices, but we have to make the best of them.

 My brother was my only link to "family" everyone else has unofficially adopted me to an extent. 

I have long wished for a family that is close and always together, i see now i will have to marry a guy who has a large family and is very dedicated to his family.

 I thought because my brother is gone i have no one, but I have my two girls, even though one is off on her own and rarely swings in, (she hates the burbs)... But I will keep hope alive and tell the doubt to: shut up, I have no time for you! 

I knew what i was in for being a foster kid...no family... loneliness in a crowd: having two kids helped but i am still missing uncles, grandma, aunts, etc...

for now i will have to keep reminding myself of my purpose, to help other foster kids.

 It took years for me to get here, without medication and with lots of help and angels!

 I know i was one out of hundreds who made it with their minds in tac. 

Self doubt is just a human factor- 

it can be worse if your parents gave you up or you have no family.

 Family

 usually is the one who comes to your rescue when you cannot paddle the boat of life anymore, 

they throw you a life preserve 

or you hold on to the side of their boat until the storm passes. 

Without family you have to create your own life preserve, 

I tend to call on my guardian angels daily! 

I ask them to protect me from the evils of this world,

 I tell them to make me feel i am always loved though someone or something,

 I ask them to keep me away from danger and guide me toward love and kindness, 

lastly i listen to them tell me daily: You Are loved, special and with purpose, and then i know i can go on without doubt!

by: Tanya C

This is for all of those who grew up in foster care or may be there now, keep self doubt out and know that you are loved, we all have doubts, just don't let it linger...xo

you are loved, special and blessed, be kind to someone this week, especially a kid!