getting back to the basics in a chaotic world

Hi blog family!!
these cupcakes look good right, especially the one on the left with all the "stuff"...news flash, the one on the right is just as good, if not better because it is basic, one less thing to worry about being fattening...keep reading..

It has been a while, lost 6 friends under 47 years old the last two months!! R.I.P: Tommy, Ann, Rob Jr., Dr. Engle, D's little sis, and Danielle....

Made me remember what is really important in this life and ask myself a series of questions:
 what am I really here for?
How can I grow after life in foster care?
 How can I help others in care?
If I died tomorrow, what legacy have I imprint have I left?

In a world full of chaos it is easy to get lost and become a "yes" person--even to the wrong people, places and things in life. It is easy to become a "worry wart"-especially after foster care!

The economy is out of whack, people have LOST their minds, (killing babies, wives, husbands for insurance, drug use, tax frauds like Madoff), the PEOPLE in the WORLD have "lost their minds so to speak!! WHY?
The are trying to KEEP UP with the "Jones"...instead of working with what they have!!

 What does this have to do with foster care, aging out?
When you left there were many issues you DID not have to face, many family topics, relationships, survival skills.
 I started this blog so that you could face those issues on your own, on your terms. So that you know, you are NOT in the twilight-you are in this world to learn lessons and move on.
You don't have time to worry about what Good or bad happened to so and so....Deal with (not worry) YOU! What issues do I need to face that keep coming up in my life after foster care?
What can I do to get help with my income/budget: (therapy, talk with a social worker, attend support groups?)
What will make ME a BETTER person that enjoys THIS life!
 Better to ALL mankind, better than my parents, what will lead me to the greatness I am?
These are the questions you should be asking yourself in this chaotic world.
NOT getting nervous or worried.
Whatever ground work you lay, it will be.
If you do not know how to save money....you may be broke!
If you do not know how to communicate with ALL people, you will have problems with your coworkers, boss and friends!
If you do not know what makes YOU happy and unhappy, you will stay miserable!
Learn what makes you tick, why you are unique, why you were put on this beautiful earth! There is divine purpose for EVERYONE...
Most important ...know the basics of life: survival of the fittest....
1.   keep your mind strong and sharp by reading, writing, exercising and meditating/praying for guidance, strength to always DO the RIGHT thing, even when others love the wrong! Don't follow these celebrity's, they are out for a buck and WILL not care if you go wrong...
2.   Love: find friends, a mate, someone to truly accept and love you for who you are. Love is amazing, it can be a great remedy for past pain! Learn to love you, if you don't know one else can!! You are the best invention since Swiss cheese!! lol...
 Love can also soften you up after years of not letting anyone near your heart..
3.   Learn to Lol...Laugh out loud...at yourself!!
who cares if you got it wrong..or didn't get it!.do it again tomorrow!!!
If you are not dead, you can start all over!!
This is the beauty of life, until its your time, you can do better the next day!!
Laughing cures the blues, I think it is the best medicine for depression or anger...throw on a Martin re-run CD and you will be laughing...
Nothing in life, is that serious and if it is, you can't change it so learn to breath and laugh!
4. Exercise, meditate (to keep your mind pure from all the garbage going in from fb, YouTube, friends, associates, negative people, TV...)..eat to live, not because there if food! When you shop ask yourself: was this in the garden of Eden?
You will save SO much on grocery bill AND be healthier eating more veggies and smaller portions of meat (if any)..
Your mind and your body have to be right if you want to keep away from the world chaos; pollution is there, bad people, situations WILL test you BUT if you keep your mind and body healthy....it will have less of an impact on YOU as a person.

Remember: When the building is built with a sound structure, nothing can tear it down!! Concentrate on the whole you and how to be better and more efficient! It should not matter what is going on in the next house, worry about how to sustain YOUR house!! Appreciage you and ALL you have (not what you don't have)..
Aging out of foster care is easy, just turn 18 or 21....like I said at my last speech, it is sustaining yourself IN the mist of a storm--- that will be your real test!! You were built for endurance, look at your ancestors!

You are a winner
You are kind
Gracious,
loving 
and NEEDED by this universe, go save or change a life with your smile today!
 xo Tanya

Forever Families Through Adoption, Inc. | Who We Are

Forever Families Through Adoption, Inc. | Who We Are

looking for you after foster care!

Hi blog family!

hope everyone is settled into school schedules! Stay focused on you and your kids, they are the future!

Topic for the day:
  looking for you!!!


After leaving foster care do you feel you are always looking for help or someone to "change or save your day?
Don't sweat it,  allot of people right now appear to be looking for a "savior or Hero" ....unfortunately.....only YOU can save YOURSELF!!
I had a friend that said she wants a boyfriend that can "help" her financially and mentally, she said she is tired of "being alone"...NOT me, I love MY time!! When the right mate comes along, I will know!! I am not sitting around waiting!
NEWS FLASH!!!
learn to love YOU, enjoy YOU, spend time with YOU and ENJOY IT!!!


If you just broke up with someone or have not had a date in a while....why can't you do something "proactive" when you feel this loneliness?

Go bowling,
walking,
 take a trip,
 go out with your girls or boys??
There is no reason you should be waiting for SOMEONE else to "save your day!! Prince charming is on vacation and Cinderella lost her shoe again!!!
When you grow up in foster care it is hard to learn to enjoy anything (because it may be taken away), must less you! I understand this BUT.....remember you are trying to live a quality life after foster care, this requires hard work, mentally and physically.
 Mentally you will always have to challenge yourself NOT to think like a foster kid; anxious, Nervous or worried about what's next...those days of wondering what will happen next.... are over,  (you can lol)...
your life is on YOU now and that is good when you know how to please YOU!!
Learn to take chances, get new friends that are DOER"S in life....not people who stand by and watch life pass them by!
Find a job that you can move up in....even if it means McDonald and working your way up to manager!!
Look for things new to do you were never able to do: take a vacation to Paris or California...whatever is thousands of miles away from the only place you know!
Get a book that tells you how to improve your life;; Anthony Robbins, The secret by Rhonda Byrne, Napoleon Hill...anything that helps improve you!!
I challenge you to start enjoying life NOW, don't wait till you get to "Heaven"...this is Heaven here on earth and YOU deserve ALL it has to offer but you must GO AFTER IT. 
Look for yourself, get to know YOU; 
what you like, what you CAN do NOW. Access what you need to change in YOUR life to be a better person...
Stop looking for others to "make your day", no man, woman or child will save you and make your life better, only YOU will!!
You are divine and should be doing the best, eating the best, living the best life and educating your mind enough to share what you do know with others in foster care! 
Best thing I learned about myself after foster care: 
You are your best and own Hero, go save your day!! 
You are blessed and loved,
xo
Tanya

Summer End

Hi blog family!

I am back! Power is restored and so am I!!!
I hope this has been a wonderful summer for all of you!
School is about to be back in session! This is good, keeps the kids busy with a goal...of finishing!! lol..
two thoughts today:

 If you are home an unemployed, ask yourself, what am I doing today, to make for a better year?

 If you have kids challenge them to always ask this question monthly, it is the only way to NOT become comfortable with  where you are at as a person in life. You always want to do bettter, be stronger, live longer and wiser than yesterday and you DON"T want to make the mistakes our parents made! (for those who were placed in foster care due to parents neglect, abuse abandonment etc..) We are trying to build a stronger next generation!
The greatest minds are ALWAYS growing, learning, thinking and Listening to advice that can help them become better people inside and out!
See what you or your kids may need to have a better year: find new postive friends, learn to accept motherly/friendly hugs, learn to think positive, learn NOT to worry, eat to live, start working out by walking, read more books, practice learning a language on youtube, sign up for peace or job corp to get out and travel and meet new people?
There are many things we all can be doing daily to stay learning. Remember life is a lesson and learning helps you grow as a person.
If you grew up in a group home without family structure, retrain your brain to do things different -  IF they did not work..
GETTING RID OF OLD DEFENSE MECHANISMS WE USED TO AVOID PAIN
for example moving around from place to place you may be GREAT at meeting people and adjusting to different homes, BUT you are able to drop people TOO easy...(an argument with a friend, instead of calling them you could wait forever and be fine with that--that was ok when you had to move around, I think its a defence mechanism we build up so that we wont be hurt someone is leaving again...
BUT in a good relationship (mate or friend) there will be awkward days and IF that friend or mate is worth it, you must take the step and repair it, or you will lose the friend or mate... We must re-learn how to get close to others, not be distant and trust that if they leave, life moves forward and its ok!!

down but not out

hey blog family!

I have no power so i will be back by the end of the week.-i am at McDoalds charging my phone and computer...great place to check if your out of power!!
I am staying hopeful -even without power. I learned that I can live without electricity, it may not be fun, but it is possible and LIFE goes on...even without lights!!
Have a blessed week. Stay positive and know that you are loved and have divine purpose!! xo
Tanya

group home vs foster home life..are you ready?

Hi blog family!

I am blessed to live and see another day-especially after all this evacuating saturday for sunday's storm...lol...(i think)...

I have had many discussions this month regarding the State trying to get kids out of group homes and into foster homes.
Many say some have been in a group home setting so long, they don't know how to treat a good family when they get one. (please send me your view on this if your were in a home, are in a home or work with kids in a home....we have to understand to help..

One of my blog readers said they did not know if they would be able to adjust to a home. While i was saddend by this because everyone should feel the love and security of a home, i thought back to when i was in group homes before 7 years old, and it dawned on me, I never thought after a year in group home life, that I would find a family or fit in- and I did at 7 years old.
Yes, my foster mother had to retrain me, stop me from thinking of ONLY my sister and brothers, ONLY how will I eat today or how will I make it today without my birth mom or family... it took a while but she did it! family is about the "WE" being a unit....
I will admit that my brother and I were OPEN to new ideas and any good attention so we worked out going from group home to foster home.
I want those in a group home to OPEN your minds to a; new place, new people, new values, morals, requirements, restrictions, responsibility, togeatherness, even when you are not getting along, UNITY... family should bring unity, something you may not be use to, especially if your coming from an addict parent and always dealt with dsyfunctional family members, parents mates, abusive surroundings, it is hard to go to a good home after this and be "family oriented" BUT If you read books by Anthony RObbins, watch the DVD "The Secret" by Rhonda Byrne, read the art of happiness by the Dali Lama, think and grow rich by Napolian Hill, I assure you your world will open up and you will not see a family as a threat to your old habits and comfort and survival skills, you will see them as an anchor that will allow you to dock your boat long enough to load up on family values, family love and self love.
You have to start focusing on "what" you can learn TODAY from that family, not when you may leave and they have to focus on "what can I teach this child TODAY, so that when they leave, they will have something installed in them so well that even in the darkest hour, they will remember what I taught...

If you did not get that home, make a better one for your future kids-try not to mate with men/woman who will not make great parents--that is a man who will work 3 jobs, go without food, just so his kid will have what they need, they won't break the law because ANY time other than work time away from their child will break their heart and hurt that child's future, they will never yell at the woman who birthed their most prescious gift to this earth....look for "that" guy (or gal men, she does not curse at her kids, mistreat them, neglect them or put them in danger for anyone!!)..MAKE YOUR KIDS FUTURE BETTER THAN YOURS!!
*
 Please read my book Surviving foster care and making it work for you at www.createspace.com/3587372 or Amazon.com
I talk about the difference between group home and foster home without great detail but enough for you to see and appreciate.




IF  you are in the group home and have been for more than 5 years and decide you don't want to be told what to do after all those years with no hugs, love or supervision- You can still "model" (copy) a good family that you admire...learn what YOUR values will be, what your goal will be, who will be your "team" without your family ie..friends, counselors, workers etc..learn how to meditate in hard times and listen to what the universe is telling you to stay focused... You are the master of your destiny and IF you focus on your goals YOU can still make it after a group home-you just have to be on your A-game!!!

Life at this point is all about APPRECIATION, having an attitude of thanks!! You WERE born, YOU are special...why??? You know..be grateful and happy EVERY day you WAKE, it is not promised!!!

please be safe and always love you and know that you have divine purpose-with or without a family!! xo
smile someone is watching you!! If you love you and do what's right, the universe will always send you angels to help, just do what's right and LOVE YOU and all life on this earth-respect it!!!

xo Tanya

u r amazing!

Hi blog family!

you are amazing! Go out today enjoy this lovely day and DO something great that will change the world or make someone's life better!! xo Tanya

abusive relationships

Hi blog family!

I saw that a young lady was gunned down by her baby's father yesterday and thought i should go over relationships-one more time, (1st was with Rhianna and Chris Brown).

I will give MY views on early signs of an abuser...or mate/friend that is NOT good for you! 

1st. in ANY relationship....no one should be yelling at you!!!
 have ears to hear and God made you a voice to use and a mind to use...
2. checking your phone, want to know who is calling, why, when--even family!!!
3. showing up in places you did not invite them too!! stalker
4. asking over and over the same question, where were you etc....interrogation!!!
5. telling you insults- how "ugly, stupid, fat, lazy etc..... repeatedly!!! trying to put you down (at first they may not do it the first date but if you listen, usually you will see a sign the 1st day!!!!!!! (think back real hard)..
6. Pushing, shoving, hitting, etc... NO ONE has a right to put their hands on you!!! Even if you are caught in a situation with another mate---NO one should EVER hit you (if you are DEFENDING/PROTECTING yourself, that is different!!! You are a human being and you were made DIFFERENT than animals because YOU have a MOUTH!!!! Talking is how you solve problems, not violence and anyone who says different, RUN!!!! This world is lacking love and understanding and until we realize WAR of ANY kind NEVER solves problems... we will always be back at square one!!

Think: if war solved problems or fighting--why does it produce revenge  and hatred that last for hundreds of years (Israel and Palestine, just ONE example)...
war / fighting never solves anything DO NOT waste your precious life fighting anyone or being in the company of violent beings!!! xoxo
You are special and loved- smile, someone is watching you!!!!! Tanya

Doing what you need to do

Hi blog family!

Things gets ruff sometimes. We may have jobs we don't love, be in realtionships we don't like or living in a place that is not good for us. What do you do? Any action is better than doing nothing. If I am working p/t and need more money....get another job!
If I am with a friend or mate I don't think is healthy for me, kindly leave the relationship behind. If you always wanted to be in another field, start taking classes or go online to research the field and how you can get in.
There will be many days when you have to work at McDonal'ds AND in the office, just to pay the bills, that is ok IF you have a financial plan!!
Find a way to save, always invest in YOU! Nothing like working all day and not seeing your money!! Start putting away ANY amount EVERY payday as if that amount does not exist!!
Before you know it, you will have a stash to take that class or use it for whatever you think will secure a better future for you.

I have held MANY jobs to stay above water, with a smile on my face, never allowing anyone to make me feel less than just because I have a degree from an IVY league school. At the end of the day, I can say I work for my money and I sleep well at night. Still never giving up my dreams but always doing what needs to be done LEGALLY!!lol...life is what we make it-but- you have to take action!!! even if its not The dreamjob"- it will help you get to your goal!!!
Stay focused and know that you are loved!!
smile, somones watching you!!
xo Tanya

people, places and things

Hi blog family!
pls forgive error, I LOVE adoptuskids.org they are an outstanding organization that does great work to help foster kids get adopted!!! 

I will be short today.
 Have you experience people that ALWAYS have something negative to say? Are you a  person that ALWAYS complains....(think real hard)...
Perhaps you grew up in a place with a negative environment (people always thinking you never did "good" enough, perhaps they always downed you and told you negative things OR never told you anything YOU did good, right or better than usual...
Maybe you were around an abusive partner..(I know many who ran away from group homes, only to fall into "victim" mode by linking up with an abusive partner)..
If any of this applies to you, no worries... this is the good thing about waking up EVERY day- you can change your reality!! I can't imagine growing up in a negative place! How can we expect someone to be "positive" if this is not how they grew up? change your reality!

As of today; stop being around naysayers...people who always have bad things to say ALL the time!! People who only see the bad in a situation....never the good! People who always want you to  "hang out" in bad places! If you want your life to be productive, fruitful and filled with joy and love....first start with getting rid of negative people who say and or want you to do bad things and be in places that will cost you your freedom or put bad thoughts in your head... Life is short, why waste it on bad things OR anything that does NOT help you grow as a person?
Find people who may not give compliments all day BUT do point out your good traits or actions!
Find places to go that make your mind strong and your soul happy...(looking at art, a concert, a walk in nature, the ocean, good book, there are many good things to do in this life and many good people, find them!
If you come from an abusive relationships or past, you have to work harder because your mind was trained to think and do negative by your abuser or in that abusive environment.
 Even if you watched abuse, it plays a part in your life; some will NOT be like there abusers, others will gravitate toward partners/friends...just like their past...You can change that by practicing and committing to surrounding yourself with love and peaceful people...fall back on the yellers, liars, manipulators, stalkers, deceivers, abusers....

I always say: show me your "friends" and I will see you!"
 I have hung around all types of people, I never judge by your situation but by how you treat others...poor, rich, homeless, even if your doing a job I don't agree with- you must have a good trait somewhere for me to have you as my friend!
I learned when i was homeless, never judge a book by its cover but how it reads..... lol..
find good people who are positive and
 try not to surround yourself with anyone who talks negative all the time, it rubs off!

You are a gift to this world, you are loved and its your turn to enjoy life!! :)



smile, someone is watching you! lol..xo
Tanya
below is some of this text in french...there are orphanages in all countries (they are still called that many places, not group homes... sometimes if i see I have  readers who are from other countries, i will post in those languages...)
En French..................................................................................
Negative gens, les lieux et les choses Salut blog familial! 
Je serai bref aujourd'hui. Avez-vous l'expérience des gens qui ont toujours quelque chose de négatif à dire? Etes-vous une personne qui se plaint toujours ....( pense réel dur) ... Peut-être que vous avez grandi dans un endroit avec un environnement négatif (les gens pense toujours que vous n'avez jamais fait "bon" assez, peut-être ils toujours vous dit que vous abattus et les choses négatives ou jamais dit tout ce que vous avez de bonnes, à droite ou mieux que d'habitude ... Peut-être que vous étiez autour d'un partenaire violent .. (je connais beaucoup qui ont fui les foyers de groupe, que pour tomber dans la «victime» le mode en s'associant avec un partenaire violent) .. Si rien de tout cela s'applique à vous, pas de soucis .. . c'est la bonne chose à propos réveiller chaque jour, vous pouvez changer votre réalité! Je ne peux imaginer de grandir dans un endroit négatif! Comment pouvons-nous attendre que quelqu'un soit "positive" si ce n'est pas comment ils ont grandi? changer votre réalité En date d'aujourd'hui;!! cesser d'être autour d'opposants ... les gens qui ont toujours de mauvaises choses à dire tout le temps des gens qui ne voient que le mauvais dans une situation .... jamais le bon peuple qui en veulent toujours vous à «traîner» dans des endroits mal! Si vous voulez que votre vie soit productive, fructueux et remplis de joie et d'amour .... commencer d'abord par