Writing as a healing tool

When I first went to foster care, i had never been to school nor had I any books in my birth home. I did not read until 7 and did not discover my writing talent until after 18.. I had a teacher tell me great things when I was around middleschool age, but I did not know what "a good story teller" was... I thought only James Baldwin, (my favorite), Stein, Hemmingway or Angelou could write for an audience. I did not know until now that anyone can write anything from their imagination or real life and it is up to a reader to decide if it is worth reading, even then no one can tell you how to create. Writing is for everyone, well atleast according to me it is... (yes, I still did not find my spell check yet!).

When was the last time you wrote something for your pleasure? Did you know you could write for fun? Have you ever tried?
Writing is a great healing tool. Don't feel threaten, you are in control and decide what your going to write, and who will see it, if anyone!
When I was younger and angry i turned to writing to release stress and to go into another world that I wanted to create or expel myself from..
I started off writing poetry about how I was feeling that day and then I started writing stories for kids in sunday school and later, screenplays, (which I still have not pitched nor sold)..

If I never sell, so be it, I love writing as a release of energy and creativity, not to eat.
If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed on a rainy day or overexcited, pick up a pen and paper and challenge yourself to write! Note: If you don't write, speak into a tape recorder...amazing sound...
If it's your 1st time writing:

1.keep a note book or journal near you, you never know when you will get the urge to jot something down.
2. write exactly how you feel, angry, happy, sad, unsure..just write, get it all out!
3. If you write what u are feeling everyday for 10 minutes and then later pick  to write about a subject you choose...you are free from blockage because you got it all out with your "careless" writing...
4. You decide if you want to share with a friend/family or keep it for yourself..or if it's that private, shred it!

It's ok to write about how you feel, even if it hurts, once you see it on paper, it won't be so bad anymore, if it was a bad event and if your writing something good, you will see something developing like a story, book or poem!
either way, writing is a great tool to relieve stress and free the mind, (or bring it back, LOL).. the next time you are angry, happy or sad, pick up a pen and just write!!
Did you smile and make someone's day today????
xo Tanya

Pictures are worth a thousand words

Hi blog family!

Do you have any pictures of yourself as a kid? Well if your like me, probably not. Although i was lucky enough to see some before my birth grandma died, I did not have any before foster care. My foster mother did take some and the school took one every year from 7-18 but, a house fire destroyed all the photo's, so i have my senior picture, some old modeling pictures and photo's after 21..

Pictures are crucial to preserving your history. I love to view photo's of friends and family's, it tells alot. You can see how people dressed during that time, if they were happy, sad or distant. photo's reveal alot about a person and their history.
If you don't have any pictures of yourself it's ok, start today taking pictures of yourself, your family and your friends or places you have been. It is never too late to record for the future!
When we are long gone from this earth, a picture will share our story, even if there is no name on it, it can say alot. It is important for your grandchildren or nieces and other family to have a record that you were here, a picture or video is great for that. so next time someone says smile for the camera, don't shy away you are recording a piece of history, you!
Don't dwell on what you don't have, start taking pictures or video of you now. vacations, special graduations, click, click, click!!
xo Tanya

Edurance

Hi blog family!

I know life sometimes throws us funny curve balls and if we don't play, we get hit! 

When you get hit, you want to stop playing because you are hurt and you realize, you may get hit again...UNLESS you keep playing until you become good at it!

I feel this way about life, you must keep pressing on, no matter how many times you get hurt or fall down, as long as you are trying, you can never fail..failure is not an option. 

This is your life and your destiny and you can endure any test given.. 

How do you know you say? 

Because you are still breathing, walking, talking, of sane mind, = still needed by the universe to help others.. 

everyday gets better and when that day is bad tell yourself and believe the next will be better, and when that does not work,,, 

know and be happy you are alive and thinking, which means anything can happen at anytime. 

The universe ie..God (to some), is always fighting FOR you and sending you ways to keep going, listen and stay focused on your life goals...NEVER GIVE UP, especially when it is hard, that's usually when you are about to break through!"

Keeping faith

Hi, thanks for visiting.
 I hope you saw the article in the journal news today!
I am thankful that there are good people and news mediums, that will help others spread a message of hope to others, thanks Journal news, just when i thought no one cared about others helping others, my faith is restored!
 So blog family...i wrote a piece for thought today because often ALL are tested in life, especially those without family it seems.....be patient I am working on some things, some i cannot share until my book "Surviving Foster Care & Making it Work for YOu" come out..soon..

KEEPING FAITH


There will be those days Just when you have been through all you can stand.
Your temper will be tested.
patience will be minimal.
survival will seem impossible. I say to you...HOLD ON...
Keeping faith is important if you want to stay ahead of defeat.
Yes, again, self doubt and doubt of others will always creep in but you must remain steadfast!
Think of all before you who had no food, no home, no love, no mental capacity left...Keep faith in something other than yourself. When you are low and all your tears have fallen, faith will pick you back up!
know that you are special, and needed for change in someone's life...
Tanya

Do ou need therapy??

If you are at least 30 OR you have had any kids by now all childhood issues should be resurfacing...

I had a friend say to me when my child hood abuse resurfaced:
"whatever childhood issues you have not resolved by the time your 30, will haunt you like a ghost!"
 It took me years to understand what she was saying, but now I do and i want to share with you, especially if you were in foster care or come from an abusive or crazy home!
The point of this sharing is so that you can start your life, the way you want and be happy. Everyone deserves a quality life!
I will give you a warning: some of this may require you to do at a therapist, (especially if you are Bipolar or on Medication for depression or if you get down when you talk or remember your past).
It is ok to stop reading or print this out and bring with you to discuss later!
You are strong and you are now an adult, which means you survived and you are in charge now! Learning to talk or write your feelings down will help you live without medication and be honest with yourself, no longer having to cover for family or anyone who mistreated you.

1. Do you suffer from depression, (besides being sad when you don't have money or you did not get the job.)?
2. Are you always complaining, especially about certain people, family, friend, love, mate?
3. Do you do things to put yourself in danger; cutting, binge eating, not eating, attracting mates that beat you or call you out of your name?
4. Do you feel this sadness never goes away, are you always gloomy?
5. was your parents or careiver gloomy, mean, bad?
6. how do you feel about YOU? good bad ok etc..
These are just some questions that you have to truley answer to find if you have isues from childhood, THEY DO NOT HAVE TO BE SEXUAL or PYSICAL ABUSE! IT could have been mental, the way someone expected too much or too little or favored a sibling over you, all of these can effect you in adult hood, question is is it stopping you from everyday life? Dating? being a good parent, who is not yelling 90% of the tim, or a good friend who can interact with others and give as well as recieve advice, etc..??
ask yourself if anything happend in your childhood that made you upset, angry or depressed, (not because you did not get something or minor regular childhood woes...) whatever it was made you hold a grudge, that you have not let go of...
See if you need therapy, you can always just go talk for a few sessions and let them evaluate you...i want you to know this is your life and its all about you!
clean up ANY skeleton's and move on!
 Life is waiting for you and all you have to offer, share what gifts you have and help others ; painting, singing, writing, oranizing, etc....
get help if you need it, there is no excuse for staying in the past, you cannot move forward until you prosseced what  happen, why and how it effected you today.
We all have problems, lets say we all carry LUGGAGE, i carry a Louis Vitton, the best, don't walk around in life carrying a backpack or cheap bag, it may break, carry your past in something that will hold up during bad weather and lots of milage,
life is to be a long trip!
 xo Tanya

Am I sad or is someone trying to steal my joy??

Hi ALL!

Ever had a day where you smiled and carried on nicely to the public but as soon as someone tried to bring you down, you realize, inside you felt and impending doom about to lurk and your heart was sickend with sadness?
 I wonder if people without family often feel this gloom...
 or every now and again or like me, only when reminded by selfish human beings!
...like when you run into a nasty person or someone who says "you won't be happy for long"...or when you are sitting in silence thinking about the state of the world and how you can make it better... someone did a happy drive by today on me and boy i am still feeling this gloom, i know that person was just a particle in the universe but they sure made me go back and switch from my usual happy mode! I think people should be happy that someone else is happy, especially when they could easily, with reason, fall into the gloom catagory on a daily basis! Perhaps i am being too sensitive, losing a siblling and all....NOT...the only time I am not happy, is when people try to make other people feel bad for spreading kindness or love with a smile....that ticks me off and now i must digress for a moment.....



 i often try to tell people: "be kind to everyone, you may save or change a life, you never know what kind of day that person had".

 . just look at my logic:
there are people who have no food,
someone just found out they have terminal cancer,
lost a sibling,
 mate,
parent or
  friend,
others who barely escaped earthquakes
and those who have NO family
 and nothing to show them the next minute is always better than the last, and gloom will pass if you hold on...some people, like Marie Osmonds son or Alexander Mcqueen, did not make it today...we are alive and well...
 and this person was complaining over a bag !!??
  I have found a few people to be highly direspectful,
wanting to bring you down a notch, (if your happy),
rude and treating others like a door mat and ungrateful. In some parts of Europe, (germany), they charge 25 cents per bag and in London (Nottinghill) they charge, here the lady was not even caring how lucky we were to not only have bags, (and we are the largest earth destroyers, tree killers etc)..but double bags and plastic! How selfish not to think some people don't even have a home or choice...
what did I do to "bring it back?
 go put on some ocean sounds through youtube and lied down and regroup, this world is crazy right now and you need to do ALOT of regrouping to stay focused.
 I share this with you so that you know i am like every other person, just a little more open...
I advise you to do lots of regrouping and meditating or if you pray, stay prayed up, the devil is busy. I am trying to save souls and lives not kill love, spirits and dreams!!
please be kind to someone today, you are loved, blessed and here to help somebody...peace to you
I know i have not been blogging daily, i am putting finishing touches on my book, stay tuned and stay focused!! xo Tanya

Fostering relationships after foster care

today i will share this with you and then the purple project.com- feel free to comment.

Before being in care some of us had to endure our parents drug use or ill mental health.

 Often times we had to worry about who was coming to visit, if someone was going to hurt us or if we could trust that person. Often, we could not.

 Being in an unstable home causes children to grow into worrying adults who end up with OCD or ulcers. 

Life before foster care can be hard and we are blessed to have lived to tell our stories.

 In reality we never learned to foster good relationships that bring out the best in us and make us want to be open and loving to others. As a child we may have "built a wall" as a "defense mechanism, (a way to protect our selves). You learned to drop friends and mates easily because you had no choice - you had to move again!

 While in foster care many of us had to move to a new place, hindering our chance of making long term friends or having time to learn trust! 

While building a wall of protection may have worked as a child constantly on the move in foster care, it is no longer working in adult hood and may be costing you relationships.

Have you been in a good relationship; friend or mate, and after a while you start sabotaging without realizing it?

not comfortable with too many hugs

feeling lonely in a room full of people?

Have not had a date in years, and could care less if you do, although you deserve and want love?

I believe these are all signs that you need to relearn how to build relationships.

Some of the ways to start over;;;

1. look at all of your relationships and ask yourself are you giving your all and is your partner. (quite often we will find mates that DONOT love us as much as we love them or they are unemotionally available....perfect for someone who does not want to get too close to anyone...

2. ask your friend or mate how they feel about your relationship, is anything missing, are you doing your share, (open communication, advice when needed, an ear when needed, a hug when needed and a chance to learn and grow as a person.

3. Your friends & mate should bring out the best in you. When you are around them you should feel safe, and know that they will not let you down like your family did, (until someone give's you reasons not to trust or open up, you should take a chance, you cannot exercise your judgement capabilities without practice - and that comes with meeting new people and taking a chance on trusting they are in your life because they value something about you and can grow from a relationship with you.

4. It takes years to get your trust skills back, just like it took years for you to stop trusting the parent who never came back or the parent that hurt you, kids are very trusting but after a while they put up a wall and into adulthood, that wall becomes an obstacle for a mate or a friend who was just trying to give you the love you deserve

let me know some of your experiences and i will try to facilitate positive feedback. -

" be kind to someone today, you may change or save a life", Tanya Cooper

STOP WORRYING, START LIVING YOUR LIFE!!

HI BLOG FAMILY! OK TODAY'S TOPIC:

WORRYING....STOP IT!

I KNOW WE HAVE TO PAY BILLS, EAT, PROVIDE FOR OUR SELF OR FAMILY BUT AT THE END OF THE DAY WORRY CAN LEAD TO SICKNESS SO WHY DO IT?

WHEN U HAVE A PROBLEM:

1. THINK OF THE WORSE SCENARIO

2. WHAT CAN U DO TO CHANGE IT?

3. IF YOU CAN DO IT, IF YOU CAN'T, WHY WORRY IT WILL NOT CHANGE THE PROBLEM!

IN FACT, IT WILL MAKE IT WORSE BECAUSE NOW ITS ALL U THINK ABOUT AND YOU BUILD ANXIETY...AND THAT CAN LEAD TO A PANIC ATTACK! WORRY IS POINTLESS, ESPECIALLY IF U CANNOT CHANGE IT, EITHER YOU CAN OR YOU CAN YOU WILL OR YOU WON'T, YOU NEED IT OR YOU CAN LIE WITHOUT IT.. KILL THE WORRY WART IN YOU. I KNOW FOSTER KIDS WHO BECOME ADULTS TEND TO WORRY BECAUSE THEIR WHOLE CHILDHOOD WAS SPENT WONDERING WHERE THE NEXT MEAL WAS COMING FROM, IF MOMMY WAS HIGH, IF WE WERE HOMELESS, IF SOMEONE WAS GOING TO VIOLATE, ALL VALID REASONS FOR WORRY, BUT NOW YOU ARE GROWN, NO ONE CAN HURT U UNLESS U ALLOW IT, U CAN ALWAYS GET FOOD FROM THE PANTRY OR CHURCH AND THEIR ARE SHELTERS EVERYWHERE IF NOT COME TO NY, THEY WILL HELP U OUT! U HAVE NO NEED TO WORRY NOW. YOUR LIFE CAN ONLY CHANGE IF U MAKE CHANGES, IF U NEED MORE $ GET A 2ND JOB, BABYSIT IF U HAVE TO MANY KIDS TO LEAVE YOUR HOME, WORK AT A FOOD STORE CASHIERING, WAITRESS, (GREAT TIPS), JUST DON'T COMPLAIN UNTIL YOU HAVE NETWORKED OR DID ALL STEPS TO MAKE A CHANGE AND STOP WORRYING... WE ARE ALL NEEDED, ENJOY THIS LIFE, STOP WORRYING AND START LIVING A HAPPY LIFE. XO TANYA

PS. I SUGGEST U READ DALE CARENGE, HOW TO STOP WORRYING, THIS BOOK CONFIRMED ALOT OF WHAT I KNEW ABOUT WORRYING AND AS AN EXFOSTER CHILD OR ANYONE WITH PAST ISSUES, IT REALLY CAN CHANGE YOUR LIFE!