Speak up for yourself!

Hi blog family!

As a foster child I am sure you were not allowed to have to much of an opinion. I often had to listen to adults make decisions for me, adults who did not know me at all!
Now that I am older I have learned- You are your best advocate!
When something is bothering you. When someone is bothering you. When a situation is making you think way too much---SPEAK UP FOR YOURSELF!!!

Often, people will take advantage of quiet soft spoken people because----they know they can!
 If you are known as a person that will not sit and "take it"...you  are more likely to have less people using, manipulating, or walking over you.
This could apply to a situation: example: your inlaws always want you to cook for the holidays---and you hate it or did it because you knew you were the better cook and you wanted to please your inlaws..
Example solution: tell your inlaws you are NOT cooking this year but you will bring one dish, (or you would like to rest this year). when you say it, say it firm and factly---not like you are not sure.. speak with a voice of sureness not in a tone that will make them charm you into doing it after all.

example: Your friends want you to pay for dinner or drinks---and you do most of the time...
example solution: call them BEFORE you go out: let them know you are only bringing $ for yourself and you will not be paying anyone's way! Stick to your guns, don't feel SORRY for your broke friend, that is her issue, not yours, going out is a leisure event not something to survive, let them buy their own drinks or food, you are not their caretaker!!
last example: your doctor tells you to take a new medicine that has side effects
Solution: Just because someone has a MD or PHD does not mean they are correct! They are making an "educated" guess! You know yourself (or should) better than your doctor, find out the name of the medicine and illness, go on google and research findings on the illness and medicines for it, then decide, unless you are in a life threatning situation. Most of the doctors that are in "medical" group situations appear to have deals with the pharmacutical companies, that does not mean it is best..research or you could end up dead--but better yet, let your doctor know what your concerns are and why-you can only do that with research. If your doctor has no clue of what you are talking about: for instance: my allergist wanted me to take an asthma medicine that has "a black box" warning which overall means IT COULD KILL BLACK PATIENTS instantly!!! They do not tell you this so I researched, including medical journals, and found that I was right there has been "sudden death" when several people used this pump...there was an "explanation" (having to do with the steroids in or not in drug) BUT my doctor never told me, even after I told him i don't like pumps...after I expressed my concerns and showed him the data I had on that pump...he admitted i was right--but the "chances are small"---YA THINK!!! small to whom---me=my life! I told him I would not take any "chance" on dropping dead.
If I had not spoke up....who knows..but i had to say something.

It may feel strange speaking up for yourself after years of letting your agency or even a controlling family make decisions for you but you have to learn--yes you can learn to take charge and make your own choices:
1. When you are faced with making a decision--think it through, take a walk or sleep on it, (if you have time). What is good if I do or don't do? how will it effect me: good/bad? can I live with this choice?

2. Practice!
Every chance you get--make a decision or voice your opinions or concerns--you can do it without yelling, being mean or bossy. In fact if I am telling someone "NO" or why I cannot do something, I try to say it in a calm, low, solid voice. If they respond yelling, I walk away or let them know i am not the one to talk to in that tone....you can make your own choices--without anyone's help, top executives do it all the time! Even if the choice was not the greatest--live with it and learn from it--the world did not end because you made a error?? next....
3. Listen to your 6th sence or inner voice!
when you hear a voice or your heart tells you what to do--do it!
Don't 2nd guess and don't ask for anyone's advice if you want to learn to make YOUR own decisions!
Your 6th sense is your "gut" feeling. Often we don't listen to it as kids or adults and that is probably why we never listen to it later, often causing us hardship later: ( bad divorce..when you first met your ex--someting told you not to date him--you did anyway! and now..divorce.. when you got in trouble...something told you not to go to that place or be with that friend...but you did and got in trouble or was injured because you went.... LISTEN to your gut, instinct, 6th sense, whatever you call it, it usually will not lead you wrong!
4. Confidence! Have confidence in you and know that only you know what is good for you! If you are mentally challenged, this may be tough and you may need help but barring that fact, You are in charge of You!...
ahoy captain!!!xo Tanya