Reflecting on you

Hi blog family!

I hope all the kids are back in school (and adults...lol), education is key to moving forward in life, especially if your stuck in the same place from 4 years ago!! Today I want you to reflect on a few questions. Think real hard and if you cannot answer them, you, like many of us, have lots of work to do!! Remembering God only wants the BEST life for you - so that YOU can go out into the big world and HELP OTHERS with YOUR GIFTS and Talents!!!

1. What have you done today to help save or change a life
 (no matter how big or small the action - it could have been: you smiled at a kid that was crying from being bullied... at that moment your smile, could have been light, letting him know this too shall pass'.
it could have been: you told your sibling or friend that you did not want to go to a local party...and their was a fight and the police came, but because you did not go, they did not go and you both avoided trouble!:)
it could have been: a friend who was suicidal/homicidal (and you had no idea, just thinking they were "Emo" or "sad"- and because they met you, they changed their minds and later helped some else or became a doctor/counselor or nurse!!! (you may not know until later when they share with you). THink of all the people who helped you survive this far without parents or guidance? Someone had to be kind or say a kind word at some point - no man/woman can go it alone!!! We all need approval, guidance  and love to nourish and grow!!!

2. Do you listen when your "gut"

 "God" - or "the Universe" tell or guides you to do something and act instantly?
How many times have you thought not to do or to do something and something wonderful happens to the person who did act? how many times, at an event something said go over and introduce yourself to a person, and you did and became BFF or you got a job through that person or information that you needed!! Follow your good gut! it rarely steers you wrong!  (something told you "not to do it...and now your in trouble or you missed your blessing)...

 I had a co-worker who use to always want me to play lotto, (not condoning this but its an example), he use to always say, you never know when you will hit...now I had many dreams of winning and know I cant win if I don't play!! Well, he won $30mill!! I have seen movies that were blockbuster hits (I write screenplays BTW)....and have written but never sold similar scripts!!
Listen to your gut - it may be your money maker!!! We are taught at birth to NOT follow our gut but I say, its the universe/God giving you clues and if you act on them, it may lead to success!!

3. What are you doing right now - to make a better tomorrow?

You know life will be the same today and next week and next year, if you don't make a plan!! Go back to school or take a trade or youtube how to do - whatever it is you want to do and cannot afford!! There is SO much FREE information online, learning how to type, how to make jewelry, how to do excel - anything you need to know and cannot afford - go online YouTube has something for almost anything you type in!!!! FREE information!!!

Remember to reflect on you today! How can I be a better, kinder, productive me? WHat can I do to get more out of life (to my youngins...legally)..lol TROUBLE is never worth it - hard work...is worth everything and you enjoy it more!!! Go out today smiling, knowing that you have a future because YOU are planning it, writing it down and living it!!! Have a blessed day, God loves you and you have divine purpose!!!!

Tanya

 

for parents or those who are considering fostering or adopting save or change a life

hi blog family!!

I know this post applies for those who wants to foster, even former fosters this could apply to you!!

have you been called to foster or adopt?
 has everyone and everything around you calling for you to help another kid without parents?

 God wants all kids to have parents but sometimes Satan is busy and calls the very person who birthed you to give up, leave, die or become neglectful enough to lose their kids. Sometimes your parents are only a vehicle to get you here!!!

 I am one of those kids and I am happy to say my mom did what was best for ME!!

I would not have flourished into a loving human being who respects all life, had it not been for the guidance of a  great woman counselor a few nuns and my foster mother!

I can say that I still would not have been a murderer, thief or liar, because even before foster care, I did not bore those traits.

 My foster mother was able to teach me to work with my gifts and use them to my benefit to help others. If she had been a selfish woman, she may have said, I can't raise all those kids, its expensive, they have issues... she could have made many excuses, but thank she did not have a selfish bone in her body! My brother and I were able to flourish due to her nourishing skills and patience!

If you are called to help foster children, answer the call - you can make a difference by teaching a kid who grew up in a group home all his or her life, family values, how to share, how to love unconditionally, how to help others, just how to be a decent human being who gives back to the earth and not take or mentally drain people.
Follow your gut, there are many free classes from social services, many stipends and support groups!! If you cannot give that child a secure home, love and basic food, maybe your right but if you can show love and support...you will be surprised who will take care of you when your old, who will come to your rescue, you get what you give, please give love and allow time to show you, they will love you too!!

Tanya

removing yourself from dysfunctional family and friends

hi blog family!!

I hope you are all enjoying your summer and getting the best out of your life by staying healthy, physically and mentally!!

I ran into an old friend and they shared how dysfunctional there family was and how they wanted her to come to a family wedding anniversary celebration.
The persons married were her favorite family members BUT a few of her past abusers; mom, brother and dad were going to be in attendance. She asked me what should she do and I told her whatever will not make her crazy"! she laughed, we laughed but I was serious!!

 I was also glad for  that one moment, that I did NOT have a family!!  Why?

This abandonment, abuse, neglect can happen to people who grew up with their birth families!! I ever knew that until I got older- I thought I was the only one abused as a kid and here I had a friend who was abused by many family members AND they wanted her to stay dysfunctional by attending these family events as if nothing ever happened!!!! She ended up not going and felt better but there are
 many lessons here!
1.
The crazy part is....

WE HAVE CHOICES!! "WHEN YOU HAVE YOUR HAND IN THE LIONS MOUTH...YOU TAKE IT OUT SLOWLY!!!" (that applies to those living in a dysfunctional situation now and you have no other way to eat, sleep or stay alive --you may be a minor with no options...so you do what you have to do to stay alive)...NOTHING wrong with that!!!
BUT....
For those of us who have moved out of the house,
 got grown,
have a job that pays the bills,
 learned to say NO....we have to learn to leave those behind that have hurt us-especially family!!

 In my opinion, you never have to sit and have dinner with a family member who abused you in ANY way!!!
You may 'forgive' them but sitting down and having tea will only create ill feelings toward yourself, making you feel less than over and over again--I would not advise anyone abused to be best friends AGAIN, to be trusting, again of that or those person/s..who abused you!

.why? If someone was able to commit a crime against a child once.....they will do it again!!! This is not a situation where your family member just teased you or called you a name or two...this is abuse so bad you still have to work to keep your sanity!!!
This is a person that took control from you at a young age!
This is a monster that changed the DNA of your childhood memories!!

Remember: People are often creatures of habit and most of us do little to unprogram our brain washing from child hood--good or bad---so if your abuser never did therapy, it is likely they will not be healed and even if they don't "do it again", they may verbally give you flashbacks!!

Everyone wants you to "forget" and forgive" but no healing can be done until YOU get therapy and the abuser stays out of your life UNLESS you are ready to have them in your life!!!
(and not because you feel 'guilty'....you know how some cultures and religions do, they try to make you feel like an outcast even though you were abused!!)
 I stay away from people, places and things like this!! Only God can judge you!! Don't allow humans, even if they are claiming to be "Christians or "religious" don't allow anyone to make YOU feel bad for being abused as a kid, it was NOT your fault, YOU did NOTHING wrong and you were violated!!! not acceptable!!

you as you are...even when you don't' want to be friends with someone that hurt you and changed your life forever... I did not say that means life will be great but at least you wont have to create self doubt or self hate. I find this a lot among people who try to hurt themselves--internalizing pain instead of nipping it in the bud AND getting rid of it---often appear to cause internal pain and anger...and fear of being alone having no one... I would rather have no one than to sit and have dinner with my abuser!!!! I often miss my foster family events , they were fun, but I know I can never attend them, if I want to keep MY sanity...and remember in this life....its all about YOU surviving and thriving..so you ...can help others heal!!!
DONT ALLOW DYSFUNCTIONAL PEOPLE TO HOLD YOU HOSTAGE!!!!

You are special, loved and life always gets better, if you wake in the morning!! lol..xo
Tanya

We have to remember to

R.I.P little brother..Michael Bublé - "Home" Official Music Video

happy 45th bday to my baby brother Robert - we miss u dearly!!
for anyone who has lost a sibling, living without family - know that you are loved and that person's spirit still lives on thru you and by you helping others!!
I was greatful that God gave me 41 years with my brother, my friend lost his sister when she was 15!! Always be grateful for ANY time you have with a family member you love and that loved you unconditionally!! Nothing is promised in this life accept death and taxes!! Love your siblings if they are in a group home or separated from you write them a journal every day, call them, fb Skype them, send a letter, remember their birthdays...remember to say I love you before you go to bed and remember God made siblings to get you thru tuff times when parents aren't around!!xo

R.I.P to all the siblings lost who grew up in foster care!!

hardest part of your childnood?

What has been the hardest part of your childhood?

hi blog family!!



what has been the hardest part of your childhood?

was it being born to a person that could not take care of you?

was it before foster care...neglect, abuse, abandonment?
having no parents due to death or illness?
losing your family?
no family that came to rescue you from foster care?
feeling like no one routed for you from day one?

STOP THE PITY PARTY PROCESS!!!!

The fact that you are live....you have no hardest part!!

I know times seem hard when you have no birth family to claim you, when you have been in group homes all of your life and never had an adult tell you how special you are or that everything will be alright.

I know what it feels like to cry yourself to sleep because you have no one to give you a hug and tell you you are loved...

If you remember God is ALWAYS rooting for you, sending you love, (if you stop, breath and catch it, feel it when he is present---you will know because every bone in your body WANTS to do right, wants to be kind, wants to embrace love, allows you too look for love, peace and serenity!!!

You may be young but you are the most precious gift to this earth!! God has many plans for you BUT you must get off the couch....and go outside of the box!!!
You are human and it is normal to feel "unloved" when your parents gave you away or you lose them to tragedy. It is ok to feel "down" but what I don't want you to do...is feel sorry for yourself to the point that you are not being motivated to live your best life!!
Wake up Each day....and start over, with love, kindness and education of self...learn something new, befriend a person you admire, find a great role model..
Smile.....
breath
smile again
and get out of the house and off the couch!!! this is a big world, dream big, love hard and learn...you are NEVER along!! God loves you and you are highly favored!!!

the views expressed in this blog are of my own and from MY living in group and foster homes, my life experiences....I am not a Dr. and I only blog so that you may be encouraged to live a better life and NOT use foster care as an excuse to live a bleak life!! Get up Get out and Do Something...(Macy Gray)...lol xo
Tanya

how to tell if you have friends

Hi blog family!

you know how to tell when you have good friends?? You will find out who REALLY is your friend when..

1. Someone close dies ie..like my brother
2. you go homeless
3. get in trouble with the law, even if its a misunderstanding and your vindicated, when you get locked up and try to make a call".....see how many can get your kids, get bail or even visit!!!
4. You are having surgery and need a ride
5. You have cancer
6. You getting a divorce
7. Your money is frozen in your bank...
8. You are suicidal, homicidal or abusing drugs/alcohol

ALWAYS CHOOSE YOUR "FRIENDS CAREFULLY, ESPECIALLY IF YOU HAVE NO FAMILY- THEY WILL BE THE ONES WHO HAVE YOUR BACK IN HARD TIMES!!

THEY WILL OFFER SUPPORT OR IDEAS ON HOW TO GET HELP

THEY WILL LEND YOU THERE COUCH, $, TIME AND LOVE---WHENEVER YOU NEED IT!! AS LONG AS ITS NOT HABITUAL...( I DID NOT SAY THEY CAN BE TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF, I MEAN WHEN YOU HAVE A SITUATION YOU CAN COUNT ON THEM BECAUSE YOU WOULD DO THE SAME!!):)

I FOUND OUT WHEN MY BABY BROTHER DIED WHO MY TRUE FRIENDS WHERE AND WHO CARING PEOPLE WHOM I KNEW BUT DID NOT EXPECT THEIR SUPPORT - AND GOT IT BECAUSE THEY WERE GOOD HUMAN BEINGS WHO KNEW PAIN IN ONE FORM OR ANOTHER.

CHOOSE WISELY - look for support, growth, potential, greatness and love in friends- they will expect it back from you - as should be!

 LIFE CAN BE GOOD, WITHOUT FAMILY, IF U CHOOSE GREAT FRIENDS!! don't allow bitterness into your life - your life is now what YOU make it!!

NYer Of The Week: Writer Inspires Foster Care Children To Share Their Stories

NYer Of The Week: Writer Inspires Foster Care Children To Share Their Stories
Our speaker for May 16th - Liz Welch!! Amazing journalist! FosterKidsUnite thanks Liz and her siblings for sharing their story and helping other kids in care!

Mayor Micheal Cindrich, (left) Hon. Kathy E. Davidson, (at podium), Tanya Cooper, Founder - FosterKidsUnite (blog).read event at chappaquapatch.com (story was by Tom)

*If everyone shared their bad experience in life, others would be able to move forward. At some point we all have lost a mom or dad and for others, a sibling.. Share, you will be surprised to see what we ALL have in common!! I always say: I have no secrets because God did not bring me through something for nothing!! lol

Keep sharing those who lost both parents, in foster care, you never know who's life you will change or save!!
Our event to raise awareness was a success! I love my town. I have built so many life lasting connections here! I could not do this work (while searching for a sponsor), without all of my brothers great friends!!

Big thanks to Our Mayor Cindrich for helping us out!
Fazzinga Roofing in Bedford Hills, :) you are all amazing,

Our honorees were amazing, thank you your Hon. Kathy E. Davidson, your work is very important to children and families!
Thank you Norma Staley for the 17 lives you have touched, keeping siblings together, believing in your foster kids, even when you are told they "can't"...amazing work..God always has the last say!!
Sen. Greg Ball, thanks for awarding proclamations, FosterKidsUnite believes community is everyone working together to bring awareness, thank you and your staff!
BIG THANKS!!!!!

- thanks to those who provided food!!
 our event was a hit!
No event is great without food!! lol




 Furman Printing - Bedford Hills
my partner Megan, thank you for everything you do!! "we never give up"

Hi blog family!

Don't forget award winning Journalist, Liz Welch, "The Kids Are All Right" sharing her family memoir based on losing their parents 3 years apart! May 16th 4-6pm Mount Kisco Public Library!
 RSVP!!!
free event to the public, (refreshments)


while I am embarrassed to show this picture, I want you to look closely at how thin I was, how my hair had fallen out - I first came into foster care around 5 but I came to the suburbs, (my first "foster home"), around 6 and then to this home around 7. As you can see I was extremely thin the first years, I had came malnourished and SO hungry!! It was due to my birth mothers addiction that we would often be left alone to fend for ourselves, which resulted in eating only what we could find!

Don't be sad for me, I made it through! I wanted anyone who is in  a bad situation now and think you can't survive, You can - you are a winner! Sometimes we have to go through bad experiences to become who we are!

If I had not been given away by my mom due to her addiction, I would be less likely to have a need to be an advocate for foster kids!
I am grateful God spared my life and even though I was abused at a young age by two foster brothers in my foster homes, (one went to jail for 7 years for abusing a 15 year old from the school he worked at and " his 4 year old niece, (who he really served no time for because he "told" what he did to her...so much for justice).
You can look at things and be sad or be thankful for how strong it made you. I have to remember that I had a host of other foster brothers - that were great! I also had my brother with me until I was 18 and signed myself back in to girls residence in NYC! I want you to view your "problems and challenges" in a different light from now on - pull out the positive and process, talk about and release the negative effects!!
By speaking of the good that came out of the bad, you minimize the pain and sadness that can come from being abandoned, abused and neglected!!!
God bought me through this for something!! Yes, I was born to a mother with addiction issues - I'm blessed she did not abort me!!
Yes, She went so far into her addiction, she neglected us and chose to not show up, losing her rights" - but she could have left us in our no lights, no food, no interaction with people home, and we could have burned down the house by accident, (that almost happened when my brother took matches to the curtain, thank God my sister was washing my hair and next to water!!)
Yes, I had to move around for my first 7 years and live with mass amount of mean kids who teased me - but I still was able to go to Paris and become a runway model! (I had the last laugh)
and Yes, I faced homelessness, being attacked outside a village park randomly, being hospitalized - left for dead, and becoming a mother at 23! But I could have been dead from the first two and becoming a mother actually helped me get the therapy I needed to heal from being abused and being left in an orphanage at a young age!
The point is: Nothing happens without reason! IF you are lucky to survive, God had a lesson for you to learn and grow from OR teach others!!
Stop feeling sorry for yourself, stop complaining about negative things in your life FOCUS on the good people, get out and see new places and remember life ain't nothing but a learning experience for us ALL, rich, poor, black, white - everyone must learn or go through something!!
You are blessed and I am thankful today looking at this picture (60 pounds later, lol), that I have food, some of the same friends from that class and grade! and I found people who love me and I am truly happy!! Find your happiness in the pile of life!!! xo
Tanya

Hi blog family!!

May 16th is approaching for our Celebration - did you RSVP?? tgirlcooper@yahoo.com - you don't want to miss this event!!
So much is going on in in the world, just this last month with Boston, who knows when you will encounter an orphan?
The world is a great place and you should be ready to help others - at any time!
Come out Thursday May 16th and learn about how to keep Siblings connected.
 I will be sharing a piece with you from my book: "Surviving Foster Care and Making It Work For You!" my heart breaking separation story from my older sister and baby brother!

Award wining Journalist, Liz Welch, "The Kids Are All Right" will be sharing her story of being separated from her siblings following the death of both parents, the subject of her memoir!
Congratulations to The Recipient of The Robert Cooper Memorial Scholarship!! Congrats to our honorees!

This is a FREE community event!
When:   May 16, 2013 - 4-6pm
Where: The Mount Kisco Public Library 2nd fl
*(if your on time and stay..refreshments served:) lol

Change cannot happen until community gets involved and WE ALL do SOMETHING to help those without parents and resources!!

Because of my brothers generous friends, someones life will be changed, R.I.P little brother!!:)

"Do what you can, with what you have" is what my brother Rob use to say and I share this with you,
so that you can NOT wait until you RICH, Famous, to help others
 but now with what little you have! Everyone has a gift! How can you use yours to help others?
You are your brother - and sisters keeper!!

 I have no "money" but I am able to help kids through people who do!
 Remember this: MOST people WANT to help - but sometimes you have to ask!

FosterKidsUnite is looking for a sponsor - please contact us if your interested!!
Smile, someone is watching you!! xo Tanya

Hi blog family!

it's that time of year again! Come out May 16th and celebrate foster care awareness month at The Mount Kisco Public Library 100 E. Main Street 2nd floor
We will be awarding aged out youth in college with The Robert Cooper Memorial Scholarship!!
We will also be honoring one of our judges who does a lot to help kids in family court!!
Our speaker this year: Award winning Journalist, Liz Welch - "The Kids Are All Right" !
Free event to the public. RSVP:tgirlcooper@yahoo.com

come out and save or change a life! Don't wait for other people or Money to help others, do what you can, when you can, while you can!!! God always sends us angels to help - you just gotta ask!

Learn to ask for help and never have too much pride to to get help helping others!!! Many people want to help and do what's right, they are just waiting for you to ask!

You are blessed and favored and I hope to see you May 16th 4-6pm at the Library, make sure you come up and say hi to me so I can personally thank you for viewing our blog!! xo

Tanya