R.I.P Little brother

hi blog family!

Today marks 2 years @ 10:15am that my baby brother died..
(i have one younger who was adopted, in Elmsford NY around 3 years old by two blk doctors).. that i am looking for..Mark..he would be about 40 years old born Oct 7,... if u know anyone from Elsmford, NY send me a note, i am looking for a year book from elementry schools in the area...i will never stop searching...

Dedication Note
Rob died of heart disease at 41 years old....sober..:)
 Alot happend in his life but nothing worse than our mom not being able to come back for us when he was 2 years old! He loved our 2nd foster mother dearly.
Struggling with knowing who you are and believing it when the one person who is sopose to love you most disapears...and never returns....
Who was Robert?
Rob was the type of person if he saw you stranded on a highway and "felt" you needed help, he would make me pull my car over and help!

one time we actually saved a woman's life who had forgotten to take her meds and was hyperventalating when Rob looked over on 684..."stop the car T!"
 I said "why, i have to go to work and its hot?"
he said just**!&* stop the car that lady needs our help!" (ofcourse i listened because Rob could be very much like a "father", especially when giving orders to help others!) lol...
Rob made me pull over, and ofcourse, his gut was right!
-she was in distress and was "afraid" to open the windows, (even though it was around 87 dgrees....therefore hyperventalating more!
Rob called it..we helped her (he did - i just drove and got out to see if i could convince her to roll her window down so we could help her,, while Rob told the scared woman that we were "safe" and "not going to harm her, we were only here to "help" Rob told her. She calmed down and trusted him as she rolled down her window so he could respond...(he should have been an EMT!!....
Rob had a way with people,  all people, kids respected and loved him and seniors LOVED him cause if he knew you needed your yard raked or grocerys bought in- he was there and refused money from them!
back to the story.....lol..you know i have ADD!!

This lady listened to Rob coach her on breathing, he even found a paper bag, calmed her down and found her meds and gave her bottled water out of my car to take the pill.
Rob insisted the lady dial her husband and as the husband listened to Rob say she was safe and we would stay as long as needed, or drive her home, he felt a sence of relief and thanked us both-offering money for helping- Rob as usual refused and told her "God told me to stop" ...
My brother was very blessed, even in cocain addiction he had never been to jail...had a few fights...being tested..usually u did not want to fight with him because if he chose to fight you, he already mentally beat you!
He never sought out trouble and would often defuse any conflicts.. he even had me being cordial to people I would normally not associate with...but he said: "Coop, you have to meet people were they are at, you are not too far removed!"
he believed at any time- you could be where that person is...so dont judge... although i wish he were a better dad, i know he loved his kids..he knew in this life- he had messed up as far as they were concerned but he loved them and when he was there-you could see the joy in his life from teaching his son baseball... He did what he could do-with what he had.
He will be back again and I am sure he will get it right next time!
I am sad today because it is difficult to lose a sibling-but much harder when they grew up in foster care with you & had your back all your life.
It is hard because whenever I had self doubt, worry's or fears, one call to Rob-and it was wiped from my mind!
He was my motivator, confidant, dad, BFF, and my kids and I adored him for who he was.
We had a fight 1x in our lives....and we got beat so bad for fighting over a pocket knife, that we never fought again!
Rob knew that "I" was always right and HE was always right!
I got on him about a couple of things but i said my peice and let him do what he will-I knew i could not "change" him and really did not want to-because he accepted my flaws-without conditions!


What do you make of all this:
If you have a brother or sister, in or out of care-love them hard!!! FB, IM, write, go to each other's house, SEE EACH OTHER as much as you can-while your alive!! I am grateful i spoke to Rob the night before he died...
he actually said a strange goodbye...he had also tried to reach out and check on everyone more...although in person would have been nice, maybe he intuitivly knew his time was looming-he even said instructions on what to do with his body and said " if anything happens to me Coop, know that i loved you and sis, i know you would be alright cause you got my nieces and nephew and my son. He also said when i asked him to move closer, "I'm in God's country T, it is what it is, i did all i can do, sometimes its too late to start over...i'm ok...just let my Sons, nephew, sis know that i love them..keep an eye on my son and nephew... and get your book out, you are gonna effect so many lives T!" those where his last words to me, which I plan to stick by! When I am down, I often think of those words and they linger on my ears, causing me to take action to help those in foster care!! R.I.P lil brother!!xo

you are blessed each day you wake, i lost another friend R.I.P  KB......be thankful each day you rise, choose to make it a good day not only for you, but for all you come in contact with and utilize their memories to motivate you to action to help make the world a little better..with you first! xo Tanya