Standed on an Island.

Hi blog family!
Life is so busy and full of surprises...
Have you ever had everything working good in your life and lots of people around..but you still feel alone?
We all have had these feelings and it is mind boggeling! just a poem created from a dream ..

Everyone is around
and calling to say hi,
work is going good,
meeting new people,
out at new places...even having time for your own creativity......
but still deep inside you might as well be on an Island alone with only water surrounding you because deep inside you may feel a loss.
Since my brothers passing I must say, I have been on an Island, just staring out at miles of water, not knowing or wanting to get off the Island.
Enjoying hearing the waves and being in the sunlight.
 Listening to the wild birds,
 noticing the exotic flowers and even the branches on the trees...
 smelling the fresh air,
not one gas fume in the air, no noise but that of the ocean and nature...
 when night comes on this Island,
i sleep in peace, no one is there to wake me,
i wake only to the natural sunlight as it glistens on my face,
 i see an image of my brother telling me it is time to get off the island of peace and safety, time to make a stable boat that will get me through my journey..get me back to reality.
I must go back.....I am eager to get back.....
 face the traffic,
noisy people,
uncaring people,
mean people,
 loving people,
creative people,
work i hate, work i love..
life...
busy, crazy, hectic, lonely life.......
 but great life because i am...

Tanya
ps. still smile, be kind and help, change or save a life today... life is always happening, even when we are sleep..make it a good life a giving life and you will always come off " your Island"...xo

Will the truth set you free?

Hi blog family!
Yes, it has been a few, but life is happening, even when we are sick, tired or gone....
Why is truth so vital to our growth?
 Often in foster care and BEFORE we had to lie for everyone or cover the truth.
If our parents did drugs, we pretend it was ok, if the social worker told you you had to move, for the 7th time, you went without saying a word of disagreement.
 If the pychologist asked you" how you felt" we would often say"fine" or " I don't care".
 Always lying or protecting other people's feelings. Now that we are adults we have to work on telling what we really feel and why.
 Never try to please anyone and ignore how you feel. 
How we feel if it is stuffed can lead to problems later in life with our kids and our mates.
Sharing and honesty are best in your new world of truth. Don't keep a friend or mate who you don't want and is not good to you.
Don't allow your children or family to walk over your feelings without correcting them and last if you hate your job or life, CHANGE IT!! 
Don't keep lying to yourself just because you are getting an easy road, take a harder road, just preplan how you want your new situation to be and then do it over a period of time.
When you  were a kid in foster care you did what you had to do, tolerated whomever you had to tolerate and said what others wanted to hear, now you have your own voice and it should be of truth with clarity.
I think the truth will set you free, if you allow it in your life!

Racism

Hi blog family!
Just wanted to talk to you about racism. Often as foster kids we experience prejudice in some form or another. I often had teachers who I knew was not in my corner because of the color of my skin.
This did not stop me from realizing that not all people are like this. I have been blessed to have been raised and helped along the way in my life by ALL nationality's and religions!!
Noticing what makes up unique is good but knowing what makes us the same is greater: the fact that my  friend and I had ancestors who survived slavery and the holocaust....commonality...
I often look for friends who are looking for the one thing that WE both like, not what is different.
I remember, even today, what it feels like to have people not like me because of my sex & color, it is awful and I have since learned to tune out racist people, they can't exist in my world. I am known to call someone on their racism, if it if effecting me or my friends, but overall, i will ignore people like that because in this day and age if you have not caught up with the new world of acceptance, it is a sad day for you!
Learn to love and appreciate ALL people. I know we may have been victums of ugly remarks or got less help than others, but that does not mean that it was right. The only way to rid this world of prejudice is to teach others to look for the common trait not what makes you different!
and yes, I still have not found my spell check on this thing!!
You are blessed and special, smile, be kind, someone will be changed by you!!
XO Tanya

Bag Lady?

Hey Blog family,

Eryka Badu sings a song: "Bag Lady, you gon hurt yourself carrying all them bags like that...another line, you can't hurry up cause you got too much stuff, (------) (substitute people), take off running, when they see you coming, oh yes they do..."

i want you to know that we as human beings all carry luggage from our past, but foster kids, turned adults, well, we may need  a heftier suitcase!
Allot has happend in our lives, without the love, support, guidance and help of our parents.
We have to learn to compartmentalize our lives, putting all things in our brain, the good being in the front of course in order!
All the negative that happend in your life should go in the back, way in the back, like when your trying to get your bag off a grey hound bus, and you was the first person on! (don't act like you never took grey hound!)
Think of all the good that you are doing, just the fact that you are reading something in hopes of improving yourself or growing your mind, these things should be put where you can grab them from memory in an emergency....that's when a problem arrives that brings you down or makes you sad or mad...those good memories will allow you to get through life daily, without everyone knowing you have a "problem"... pick Louis vitton for your luggage, so far I find their orginal suitcases are the best!
I only open this luggage when I need something out of the memory bank, good or bad.
This song is great because it says that you have too much stuff, you can't hurry up...when we are weighed down with our problems, often this is the case, it does not have to be, just put a smile on your face and don't let them see you sweat. Everyone, yes, everyone, has problems, it's how you compartmentalize them and what luggage you put them in that matters, you don't want them to spill into your everyday life!
No one wants to be around a worry wort or a chronic complainer, so learn to NOT have pity party's and get rid of any person who complains or worry's all the time, it is contagious...I am not talking about basic complaints, i mean people who do it all the time, even after you told them. You are not going to help yourself or them by cosigning on their misery.
Be joyful and happy, even if you think it is a lie, tell yourself everyday life is great, and make it great with a walk, a smile, or a great memory... we are all in a sense "bag Ladies" but I want you to get the Louis Vuitton, so at least your luggage will hold your "issues" in a good way, not to be revealed until you open it or share it!
You are loved and blessed, xo Tanya

Deeds

"In death, You are only remembered by your smile, kind words and your deeds"

Hi blog family!
Keeping in mind "If I can help somebody as I travel along, then my living will not be in vain- Mihalis Jackson
help others as not to wollow in your own self pity. Let it be 2nd nature to give, don't worry about recieving, the universe always rewards those who give from the heart. Sometimes it does not come in a check, but through your kids, who has all limbs and vibrant, sometimes it comes when your looking at a rainbow in the sky, able to see with both eyes. It does not matter how you are rewarded, it matters that you give and help change the world one person at a time,

peace and blessing to you today, smile, you may save, change or improve a life!! Tanya

Giving back & helping others

Hi Blog family!

As a foster child of a minister who was friends with Dr. King, and marched with him during the civil rights movement, I always remembered a song that was played I believe, during his funeral.
This song is always sung in black churches from NY to the South during black history month.
This song has become the theme of my adult life. I believe its by the great singer Mahalia Jackson. I was always under the impression that we sung it to remind us of our struggles and how far we have come as well as far we have to go. I never got to ask my foster mother but I assumed this song reminded us a struggle and even death are ok, if it's not in vain.
If I can help somebody
As I travel along
If I can help somebody
With a word or song
If I can help somebody
From doing wrong
My living shall not be in vain.

My living shall not be in vain
My living shall not be in vain
If I can help somebody
While I'm singing this song
My living shall not be in vain.

I sing this song often and hope that one day it will be sung at my funeral/memorial. Why you ask?
It is a song I use as my marker in life to pick myself back up.
Often times we are struggling with issues that life brings before us, whether your a foster kid or not, everyone has a struggle at some point!
I want us all to remember the importance of giving back to other foster kids or to the less fortunate in your community, (charity should start at home).
Everyone will need someone at sometime in their life.
Think of what you can personally do to help save, change or improve a life today.
Maybe your good at reading books and telling stories, maybe you could go to a hospital and read to kids who are from group homes or go to a home for the blind and read to them.
Perhaps you could prepare 20 sandwiches and bring them down to a area populated by homeless people, maybe you could bring a foster child into your home.
No deed is too small IF you are acting out of the kindness and appreciation of your heart. Your deed can be as small as a smile to everyone you see today.
Yes, a smile can save a life or change one.
 I know because several saved and changed mines.
The thought for today is your life is never in vain, if you helped someone, changed someone or lifted someone up. Struggles are inevitable, but they are worth every tear and sweat, if you made a difference!

Please:" smile today and be kind to all you meet, you never know what affect it will have!"


xo Tanya

Happy Holiday...what does this holiday time mean to you?

Happy Holiday!
I hope you had a great day. I did relaxing in my old neighborhood with old and new friends!
Easter: a time for chocolate, bunnies, easter egg hunts and new outfits..for others a time to reflect and not forget..
i like for us to scale back on the bunnies and teach our kids about reflecting: letting them know that because someone died for our sins, (if your christian) or because our ancestors made sacrifice, we live and live well.
 Even the poorest in America can still be grateful for having "MORE". Just to have choice is awesome!
We know that someone had to give up a life, leg, dream or freedom for us to celebrate this day. Rosa Parks, Ann Frank, Martin Luther King Jr., John F. Kennedy, Malcolm X, Nelson Mandela etc...
I am thankful to ALL our ancestors for being so UNselfish and paving a way for us to dream.
I am thankful for my freedom of speech and the right to know, i am because someone was selfless!
I love the story of how jesus died for our sins, because I know through our ancestors, this was not an easy task, who would want to give up their life for another? If you don't believe just know that someone at sometime gave up alot for you and I to get this far!

You are loved, blessed and highly favored, go out and share your kindness with the world, someone is waiting for you to help them!
xo Tanya