letting anger motivate you

Hi blog family!

I remeber my first day in foster care!
being taken away from my home, 
no matter how neglected 
or starved we were,
 it was still home...
I remember getting in the car 
with the social worker and 
waving goodbye to the nice police officer, 
I remember my first drive.
Sitting in an old office, 
lots of paperwork, 
no one really talking to us, 
eccept to ask where is mommy or
 when was the last time we saw her, 
I remember like yesterday..
Hunger, gripping my stomach, 
i had not eaten since yesterday, 
I miss that pancake mix, 
it 
sure
 was
 tasty!
My sis, always there for us, 
making us feel safe while she was around. holding my brother's hand...
time to go.. wonder where? wonder when mom is coming back?
grab
 the plastic bag...
off in a car to our first "group home they say...
 I remember the ride in the car... looking out the back of the car the street narrows and everything is farther away...but  something new is closer.....
I am angry,
 i don't know why mom has not come home in weeks....
maybe longer...she is "very sick" those people say...
someone should get her a doctor!!

by: little Tanya

 i don't know why she did not come back for us..but I do know ... i do know, i am grateful to her for NOT aborting, killing or selling me!!! For not leaving me on a step! So many kids did NOT make it to foster care!! no matter what happend is was NOT your fault AND you should be grateful for your life, you can always start over every day you wake!!! You are here for a reason, to help others to save or change a life!! 
I know my mom's addictions was serious and there was NO help back in the 60's and 70's, I know it was hard for a woman to make it with no family support and a husband back from war, dismantled.....I know at that time, i was angry! But this is good!!

that anger would be the reason i fight for so many foster kids today!
 I never forget that moment, why?
 Because as long as I feel like it is yesterday, I can feel other foster kids pain and it can motivate me to take action and help!
Some of you may have left foster care, what are you doing to not only stay more than alive BUT to help others in the system? Let all of your anger, sadness and disapoinment spark the activisim in you!
 Start a blog, write a book, screenplay, create art...whatever...just do something to help others still in.
 We cannot rely on any person OR "system" that makes money on you to be your comfort"!

 We must wakeup, stop feeling sorry for our situations and make other kids feel their is hope!
I know some of us are focusing on the abuse, neglect or abandonment issues that got us in care BUT you must remember: you are still alive, you made it! now its time to help others and minimize your pain and suffering by going to therapy, work all those issues out in the chair AND then you can help others....
life is a lesson for all of us, what did you learn?
how can you be of service to others in the same situation?
You did not deserve to go through what you went through but remember you must go through SOMETHING in this life to learn and share...and become something....your body is only temporary, the mind and the good deeds you do for others are forever...because they will pass it on...pay it forward....learn to turn your stories and your anger into positive actions!!!

 you are loved,
blessed and the universe needs you!
 xo Tanya

abandonment/anger

You know that you did not like being left or your parents being sick--it does not matter how you got into foster care--it matters that you where there and you don't want to make the same mistakes as your parents!
Try not to be angry and if you are, here are some things I did to take away the anger: walk for miles, sing , dance, therapy, art, rollerblade...find something to do NOT DRUGS or DRINKING--in my book: "surviving foster care and making it work for you, I will tell you why you cannot do drugs and drink!
As I have said in many of my speeches, you must have a clear head at all times as a foster kid--you never know when your going to run into vultures--people who don't mean well! You don't have to get intoxicated or high to have fun and doing drugs and drinking DO NOT take away your problems--in fact--they increase them!
If you are facing addiction issues-you may need a support group like NA or AA-you may need rehab but none of it will work until YOU decide you will not repeat your family history! 
It hurts daily to think a mother could leave a child but start to thank your family that they did not kill you and even if they left you for dead--you are alive!!! find your purpose--create one if you don't know what it is. If you listen to the universe signs, (people telling you what you are good at), you should know what your gift is and use it to release any leftover anger.
Abandonment can cause alot of anger--if you don't process what happend to you. Get therapy, take walks, write, sing, dance--whatever you can do to release the anger..it's time to enjoy life--now! Your family did you a favor (sort of)...you just have to turn it around to make yourself stronger!
You are blessed loved and be on the lookout for my book: Surving foster care and making it work for you....peace and xo
Tanya