Reflections of where i was, who helped save me and those that help link

hi blog family!

I was reminiscing over an old elementary school pic, (I started school very late), due to neglect and moving around. I was so malnourished in this photo but I am thanking God for a birth mother who knew - she was an addict, and loved us enough to give us away..(strange to say but I was starving and living in horrible conditions)..
 Thankful to my sister, who knew we would starve if we did not get help
 and my 2nd foster mother Rev D, who got me around 7, (the courts did not know how old I was so the judge gave me an age two years older!! lol, he asked me how old do I want to be and my dumb self said 9!!! lol), (my birth Grandma & family confirmed I am younger. .to late to change the records!!!) lol
I am so thankful to God for my life looking at this picture my abuse by my two brothers had not started yet so life was good and I finally had FOOD!! I remember when they came for us we had no clean clothes or food, I talk about it in my book; Surviving Foster Care And Making It Work For You! www.amazon.com  I wish the worker would have bought food!!

I wanted to share the work others are doing to help foster kids! Have a great Turkey day and if you have no family - go to your local church or pantry - somebody is serving food!! Do

not stay home by yourself wishing, hoping and praying when you can GO OUT and find good people who love and care about you! You are a star and a winner!! Happy Holidays!!
xo T

here is the link! Always support those who help kids in foster care - talk is cheap action is everything! I know because I would still be malnourished had someone not stepped up and I would have had to drop out of NYU had someone, (a kind Quaker..R.I.P Mrs. Bauer), not bought my books!!! Any action is better than a dumb reaction!! (like when people hear our story's and say dumb things like "poor kids " or "its a shame" - Yea it is!! and that is why YOU should do SOMETHING!! Help SAVE or change a life!! xo
www.tureksplumbing.com/give-back-campaign/2013-tureks-plumbing-helps-improve-local-foster-childrens-lives.html

No time for Holiday Blues

Hi blog family!

it has been a minute - but life is good! I am on the grind, trying to bring my gifts forward that God gave me!!
 I finally got the guts to get back on stage after memory issues!
 I auditioned for America's Got Talent!! You all know I love telling jokes!! Have to wait till February to find out!!!:( - who does that!!
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Holidays are approaching!
This is a high time for suicide rates and depression. But not for us. Life is our only option!! Remember our ancestors came through oppression, which can be worse than death!
 If they made it over on boats in horrible, crowded conditions, survived whippings, abuse of all kinds, YOU owe it to our ancestors to find a way out of your darkness and into the light we ALL have, if we turn it on!

 For my group home kids who have no family to go home to and for anyone who has no family for whatever reason,  Holidays can be very lonely for some and sad BUT....not for you! Here are some tips on how to break away from the holiday blues!

1.  surround yourself around good friends, (if you don't have any...get to looking!!) lol

There are many ways to meet new quality friends;
 engage in conversation
 join a group
 take a class in something that interest you
 God did not intend for you to do this journey alone. We all need at least one friend!

I am praying that none of those without family will feel lonely this holiday!
Know that God is always sending you angels right here on earth - you have to find them and know when they are present!!

If you have no one for this holiday
2. go to a church or pantry that is having dinner, meet new people!
 Try to gravitate towards the ones who want to get out of their current situation
who wants to grow
 You can spot haters, naysayer and non believers from a mile away! (just look for the signs; saying negative things, being negative-violent-mean or nasty!
*Look for the people at the table who are grateful that someone took the time to think about them so they could share a meal!
look for someone who gives a complement or kind word!
Angels are all around us in many forms!!
Remember you are NOT alone if you have God in your heart and will power - you are never alone.

3.Think good thoughts this holiday. Stop associating with bad times,  even if you do not get one present, the fact that you have life and speech and can move is present enough - nothing like the gift of life!
The fact that you are here is the present, (the gift), - anything could happen at any moment!
 It means you could go out and make a million dollar idea NOW!!
It means you could walk into the love of your life - at any moment
 it means that you could talk a friend out of hurting themselves or others because God gave you the brain power to negotiate!!!

You are divine! Use what you were born with!
There is no time for holiday blues, only holiday presence, (as in showing up) for yourself and others!

For the holidays surround yourself around love, people and food- even if its at someone else's table!!
presents don't mean anything over presence!!
Be there in the moment of the holiday, enjoy it as a time to feel love from others - presents are only material and won't last long but if you make a good impression with love and laughter, your presence will mean everything for the holiday - no matter what table your at!!! Go spread joy and love and know that you are loved and favored!! xo Happy holidays to all my readers and thank you for the support!!

Tanya
 

hi blog family!
so glad we made it to another day!! Life is good - when your living it without fear, with challenges and in good health!! Ask yourself again, what can I do today, to make next week better!! Always have a goal, stick to it and do what you need to do to put it in action! If you don't take action, no point in dreaming or setting a goal, it cannot happen without YOU doing the work!! Get out meet the people to make the right contacts, call whomever you need to call to ask questions, find answers to YOUR future by doing the work! Nothing great comes easy!! xo

Mirage at Camp Jam 2013, Iona College, Performing "Valerie" by Amy Wineh...

looking for former foster kids/adults who are in college to apply for scholorship or gift boxes

CHRISTMAS/HOLIDAYS ARE COMING!!!!!

Hi blog family!!

what a great day outside! I am so excited about life, about the fact that every day I wake, I have another chance to be the best Godlike person I can be!! I have a chance to be wiser, stronger and more loving to others, making this life experience more pleasurable for everyone I come across!! I am sending out love and positive energy to you all. Know that you are loved and needed by this world!!

Life always gets better IF you make plans!! What are you doing today, to make a better next week??

Any of my group home kids who are going off to college and have NO  family, please hit me up if your in need of a gift box for Christmas/Holiday break!! with snacks, personal items needed in school ( for guys and girls)...and lots of surprise items that YOU NEED while in school!!!

 I find 10 people in college or trade school and I surprise them with a gift box - Courtesy of my friends, St. Joseph's Seniors!!
 I had Quaker friends help me get through NYU and now I want to help those who have no home to go to on the holiday or during testing you don't have family to give you snacks during testing - FosterKidsUnite and St. Joseph's Seniors - we got you!!!:)

 Also The Robert Cooper Memorial Scholarship application will be ready by January - send me your info if you are aging out and going to school and want to apply - (*winners must be present to receive award and prize $)*  put FosterKidsUnite in the headline please***tgirlcooper@yahoo.com

If your a social worker, teacher and you know a foster kid in school who may need a little help from a blog family- please email or leave your info!!

Have a blessed day and remember to help others, every chance you get!!!xo

Tanya

Valerie - NoName by CampJam2013-NY

Valerie - NoName by CampJam2013-NY  if God gave you Talent- USE it!! This is my daughter and her friends in the camp studio!!these young ladies
Are talented!

Valerie - NoName by CampJam2013-NY

Valerie - NoName by CampJam2013-NY  if God gave you Talent- USE it!! This is my daughter and her friends in the camp studio!!these young ladies
Are talented!

Reflecting on you

Hi blog family!

I hope all the kids are back in school (and adults...lol), education is key to moving forward in life, especially if your stuck in the same place from 4 years ago!! Today I want you to reflect on a few questions. Think real hard and if you cannot answer them, you, like many of us, have lots of work to do!! Remembering God only wants the BEST life for you - so that YOU can go out into the big world and HELP OTHERS with YOUR GIFTS and Talents!!!

1. What have you done today to help save or change a life
 (no matter how big or small the action - it could have been: you smiled at a kid that was crying from being bullied... at that moment your smile, could have been light, letting him know this too shall pass'.
it could have been: you told your sibling or friend that you did not want to go to a local party...and their was a fight and the police came, but because you did not go, they did not go and you both avoided trouble!:)
it could have been: a friend who was suicidal/homicidal (and you had no idea, just thinking they were "Emo" or "sad"- and because they met you, they changed their minds and later helped some else or became a doctor/counselor or nurse!!! (you may not know until later when they share with you). THink of all the people who helped you survive this far without parents or guidance? Someone had to be kind or say a kind word at some point - no man/woman can go it alone!!! We all need approval, guidance  and love to nourish and grow!!!

2. Do you listen when your "gut"

 "God" - or "the Universe" tell or guides you to do something and act instantly?
How many times have you thought not to do or to do something and something wonderful happens to the person who did act? how many times, at an event something said go over and introduce yourself to a person, and you did and became BFF or you got a job through that person or information that you needed!! Follow your good gut! it rarely steers you wrong!  (something told you "not to do it...and now your in trouble or you missed your blessing)...

 I had a co-worker who use to always want me to play lotto, (not condoning this but its an example), he use to always say, you never know when you will hit...now I had many dreams of winning and know I cant win if I don't play!! Well, he won $30mill!! I have seen movies that were blockbuster hits (I write screenplays BTW)....and have written but never sold similar scripts!!
Listen to your gut - it may be your money maker!!! We are taught at birth to NOT follow our gut but I say, its the universe/God giving you clues and if you act on them, it may lead to success!!

3. What are you doing right now - to make a better tomorrow?

You know life will be the same today and next week and next year, if you don't make a plan!! Go back to school or take a trade or youtube how to do - whatever it is you want to do and cannot afford!! There is SO much FREE information online, learning how to type, how to make jewelry, how to do excel - anything you need to know and cannot afford - go online YouTube has something for almost anything you type in!!!! FREE information!!!

Remember to reflect on you today! How can I be a better, kinder, productive me? WHat can I do to get more out of life (to my youngins...legally)..lol TROUBLE is never worth it - hard work...is worth everything and you enjoy it more!!! Go out today smiling, knowing that you have a future because YOU are planning it, writing it down and living it!!! Have a blessed day, God loves you and you have divine purpose!!!!

Tanya

 

for parents or those who are considering fostering or adopting save or change a life

hi blog family!!

I know this post applies for those who wants to foster, even former fosters this could apply to you!!

have you been called to foster or adopt?
 has everyone and everything around you calling for you to help another kid without parents?

 God wants all kids to have parents but sometimes Satan is busy and calls the very person who birthed you to give up, leave, die or become neglectful enough to lose their kids. Sometimes your parents are only a vehicle to get you here!!!

 I am one of those kids and I am happy to say my mom did what was best for ME!!

I would not have flourished into a loving human being who respects all life, had it not been for the guidance of a  great woman counselor a few nuns and my foster mother!

I can say that I still would not have been a murderer, thief or liar, because even before foster care, I did not bore those traits.

 My foster mother was able to teach me to work with my gifts and use them to my benefit to help others. If she had been a selfish woman, she may have said, I can't raise all those kids, its expensive, they have issues... she could have made many excuses, but thank she did not have a selfish bone in her body! My brother and I were able to flourish due to her nourishing skills and patience!

If you are called to help foster children, answer the call - you can make a difference by teaching a kid who grew up in a group home all his or her life, family values, how to share, how to love unconditionally, how to help others, just how to be a decent human being who gives back to the earth and not take or mentally drain people.
Follow your gut, there are many free classes from social services, many stipends and support groups!! If you cannot give that child a secure home, love and basic food, maybe your right but if you can show love and support...you will be surprised who will take care of you when your old, who will come to your rescue, you get what you give, please give love and allow time to show you, they will love you too!!

Tanya

removing yourself from dysfunctional family and friends

hi blog family!!

I hope you are all enjoying your summer and getting the best out of your life by staying healthy, physically and mentally!!

I ran into an old friend and they shared how dysfunctional there family was and how they wanted her to come to a family wedding anniversary celebration.
The persons married were her favorite family members BUT a few of her past abusers; mom, brother and dad were going to be in attendance. She asked me what should she do and I told her whatever will not make her crazy"! she laughed, we laughed but I was serious!!

 I was also glad for  that one moment, that I did NOT have a family!!  Why?

This abandonment, abuse, neglect can happen to people who grew up with their birth families!! I ever knew that until I got older- I thought I was the only one abused as a kid and here I had a friend who was abused by many family members AND they wanted her to stay dysfunctional by attending these family events as if nothing ever happened!!!! She ended up not going and felt better but there are
 many lessons here!
1.
The crazy part is....

WE HAVE CHOICES!! "WHEN YOU HAVE YOUR HAND IN THE LIONS MOUTH...YOU TAKE IT OUT SLOWLY!!!" (that applies to those living in a dysfunctional situation now and you have no other way to eat, sleep or stay alive --you may be a minor with no options...so you do what you have to do to stay alive)...NOTHING wrong with that!!!
BUT....
For those of us who have moved out of the house,
 got grown,
have a job that pays the bills,
 learned to say NO....we have to learn to leave those behind that have hurt us-especially family!!

 In my opinion, you never have to sit and have dinner with a family member who abused you in ANY way!!!
You may 'forgive' them but sitting down and having tea will only create ill feelings toward yourself, making you feel less than over and over again--I would not advise anyone abused to be best friends AGAIN, to be trusting, again of that or those person/s..who abused you!

.why? If someone was able to commit a crime against a child once.....they will do it again!!! This is not a situation where your family member just teased you or called you a name or two...this is abuse so bad you still have to work to keep your sanity!!!
This is a person that took control from you at a young age!
This is a monster that changed the DNA of your childhood memories!!

Remember: People are often creatures of habit and most of us do little to unprogram our brain washing from child hood--good or bad---so if your abuser never did therapy, it is likely they will not be healed and even if they don't "do it again", they may verbally give you flashbacks!!

Everyone wants you to "forget" and forgive" but no healing can be done until YOU get therapy and the abuser stays out of your life UNLESS you are ready to have them in your life!!!
(and not because you feel 'guilty'....you know how some cultures and religions do, they try to make you feel like an outcast even though you were abused!!)
 I stay away from people, places and things like this!! Only God can judge you!! Don't allow humans, even if they are claiming to be "Christians or "religious" don't allow anyone to make YOU feel bad for being abused as a kid, it was NOT your fault, YOU did NOTHING wrong and you were violated!!! not acceptable!!

you as you are...even when you don't' want to be friends with someone that hurt you and changed your life forever... I did not say that means life will be great but at least you wont have to create self doubt or self hate. I find this a lot among people who try to hurt themselves--internalizing pain instead of nipping it in the bud AND getting rid of it---often appear to cause internal pain and anger...and fear of being alone having no one... I would rather have no one than to sit and have dinner with my abuser!!!! I often miss my foster family events , they were fun, but I know I can never attend them, if I want to keep MY sanity...and remember in this life....its all about YOU surviving and thriving..so you ...can help others heal!!!
DONT ALLOW DYSFUNCTIONAL PEOPLE TO HOLD YOU HOSTAGE!!!!

You are special, loved and life always gets better, if you wake in the morning!! lol..xo
Tanya

We have to remember to